VanossGaming x H2ODelirious: Twelve Months of Fall
by WatchAndLearnKid
Summary: All is as it should be with the guys until Delirious has his world come crashing down on him. Vanoss drops everything to get to him in time. Now living together, the two grow closer and Evan works his way past Delirious' demons and his own new found feelings that he doesn't quite know what to do with. M/M
1. Chapter 1

This work is made up of pure fiction, a wild imagination, a little wishful thinking, and too many hours invested into YouTube. I respect these guys' lives and I mean no harm in writing about their families in any way. I know they probably have wonderful loving families and amazing friendships, but as I said this is fiction and I'm taking it where I want it to go.

* * *

><p>It was a day like any other. A day of gaming, recording, editing. And like all other days since he'd befriended the guy, Evan waited for the text that always came around noon when Delirious found a stupidly funny joke or picture to send him. But to his disappointment, the chime on his phone never echoed in his ears. He kept glancing at his phone as he set up his game. The Xbox powered on as he went into the kitchen for a drink where he heard the familiar sound of his friends popping up online. He got comfortable, but not completely. He couldn't. Delirious wasn't even online like they'd planned. He tried to shrug off the disappointment he felt, but he could never help it. Delirious was the laugh of his day, the one who always got things going, the one out of all of them that got Evan in the mood to laugh and blow shit up. He jumped when his phone chimed and he clutched at his chest. "Shit."<p>

He would have to remind himself to turn the volume down while he was right fucking next to it. He shook his head and laughed as he slid his lock screen away. His grin faded when he read "Message: Brock".

He opened it.

_"You comin'?"_

He thumbed a quick reply before starting GTA up and joining Moo's lobby.

"Sup ladies?" He asked as soon as he was locked and loaded. He hopped in the car with Tyler when he swung by to pick him up. He saw explosions in the distance.

"Do I even want to know?" He asked and Tyler laughed as they heard Mini Ladd screaming as he ran in circles engulfed in flames.

"Nope. You don't."

They did the usual, exploiting glitches, shooting each other and innocent pedestrians in the process, calling off the cops. He didn't realize he was being so quiet. But he had a nagging thought in the back of his mind the whole time.

"Duuuude. Evan." Brock interrupted his brooding. "You're fucking quiet today."

"What?" He blinked and glanced at his phone for the millionth time. "Am I?"

"Yeah, man." Tyler added. "It's fucking peaceful as shit in here! Shhhh! Nobody say a word!" Everyone laughed including himself and he was about to brush the whole thing off when Mini said, "No you guys, we all know that he's only loud and obnoxious when Delirious riles him up."

"Yeah, you guys are like the terrible twos. You alone is bad enough but get you two together and chaos ensues." Lui jumped in and giggled. "Where is he anyway? I though we all said one o'clock."

"We did." Evan nodded to himself. "But I have no fucking clue where he is. Hasn't even text me today." He didn't mean to sound so mad about it. His friends didn't miss his tone and all was quiet for a moment.

"Soo, like . . . what you're saying is that he texts you every day?" Brock asked him cautiously.

Evan hesitated, "Yes."

"And he hasn't text you yet, per your guys daily routine?"

"Uhh . . . yes."

He couldn't help but feel like he was being interrogated. It wasn't like he'd ever talked about their friendship outside of gaming. It was just a thing that they had started. He'd see something that cracked him up, screen shot it, then send it to Delirious. His favorite though was getting a text every Monday morning at five o'clock that read, "Good morning, bitch." Always accompanied by a tiny little picture of a hockey mask. Even if it was five in the fucking morning it still made his day. He couldn't tell you why he felt closer to Delirious than all the other guys but things were just always off without him. Including himself. And he kind of hated that.

"Sooo." Brock broke him from his thoughts again. "You're either mad that he hasn't talked to you today. Or you're worried."

Evan shrugged and rubbed his face. "Both I guess."

Tyler exploded onto the scene in a fire-laced ATV where they had all unconsciously gathered on the beach to talk to Evan about his problems. "Well!" Tyler stood in front of him in his underwear and pig mask. "Sounds to me like you should call his lousy ass and demand an apology for standing you up!"

Evan laughed, "This isn't Dr. Phil for fuck's sake! He's probably just busy with real life things."

"Well missy, have you even text him yet to ask where the fuck he is and what is so much more important than you right now?" Tyler was practically swinging his hips and snapping his fingers dramatically by the sound of his voice.

Mini was dying of laughter and Lui was giggling as usual. Brock was quiet which meant he was going to have something to say when they got offline.

"No." Evan said and Tyler whipped out a RPG and aimed it at his face. "But I'll do it now! Shit! Calm dow pig!"

He pulled out his in-game cell phone and the lobby erupted into laughter. He picked up his real phone and typed out a message to Delirious while everyone was wheezing in the background.

_"Hey man, are you breathing?"_

He hit send and they battled it out on their ATVs while he waited. Twenty minutes later, just when he was starting get really worried, his phone chimed. "Hold on guys."

He slid open the message.

_"Fuck. I'm sorry, Evan. I'm busy with family shit, but yes I'm breathing. I'll talk to you when I can."_

_"It's okay. Do what you need to do."_

He turned back to his game where everyone was waiting for the verdict. "He's dealing with family stuff right now guys. But he's alive."

Everyone gave a collective, "Ooh. Okay."

The game continued as usual and Evan made a point to talk and laugh more. Most of it was genuine but a few times it was forced. After another hour they said their goodbyes and Evan sat back and rubbed his eyes. He glanced out the window at the constant flurry of snow and he sighed. Today was practice day, every Wednesday he would head down to the rink and teach some kids how to skate and shuffle around a hockey puck. It was fun, watching them fall the first few times, but in the end they learned.

So Evan packed his duffle bag and headed out downtown where he spent the next three hours. It was cold on the ice but it never phased him, he'd practically lived on it his entire life. It calmed him as his glided in circles after the parents took their kids home from practice.

His phone buzzed in his back pocket and he guided himself to the guardrail where he leaned against it and opened his messages.

It was Brock.

"God." He muttered before reading. Brock was a great guy. He'd known him the longest and he always had his back when it came down to personal things. But he knew as soon as he said anything about Delirious or anyone for that matter, that was even remotely personal Brock would be the first to talk to him about it.

_"You were more worried than mad, weren't you?_" Evan read and it took him by surprised because the answer was yes. Delirious never missed a text and never stood him up without an immediate explanation.

_"Yeah, but it's fine now. I'm just weirded out that I was even worried. He was only silent for five hours... and I almost broke down and called him."_

_"Lol. Don't freak out about it. You care and I know, we all know, that you and Delirious are close. Closer than the rest of us."_

Evan bit at his nail, _"I don't know why."_

_"Hey man, neither do I. Nobody really knows when they get to that point with a person. Just happens. Do you not want to be?"_

_"I mean, I don't mind it at all. It's just . . .of all people, lol, he ends up being the one I want to call my best friend and I haven't even met him yet."_

_"Nobody has and that says a lot about him. He's a private guy and probably a bit insecure even though he's a fucking social butterfly on the internet."_

_"Lol, I know. And I bet he's not even ugly like he thinks he is."_

_"He thinks he's ugly?"_

Evan grinned to himself as he typed,_ "Yep. We've talked about it. Says he definitely can't show his face now that I have because he said he'd be the black sheep. Says we're all too attractive to have him in the group."_

_"What a dick. Like we care what he looks like."_

_"Exactly. But whatever, it's up to him when he wants to meet us face to face. I'm not pushing him."_

_"Let us know when he talks again. I wanna know everything's good with him."_

_"Will do."_

Evan slid his phone back in his pocket and made a few more laps around the rink while all was quiet before it got too late in the day. He drive home in silence, listening to the thoughts running rampant in his head until he pulled into his garage and headed up to his room. He began his late night editing stretch and ate leftover pizza until the early hours of the morning.

Thursday came. Thursdays were for sleep and exercise.

Friday came. GMOD and Five Nights at Freddy's. No he hadn't heard from Delirious, stop asking, Marcel. Not that he cared, the guy was a dick to Delirious half the time. But so was Evan. The guilt boiled in his gut.

Saturday. Evan went out with his mother and bought her lunch, catching up on family things. Things were great. But still no text from Delirious. He twiddled his thumbs for fucking hours.

Sunday. More videos. More editing. More exercise.

Monday. Fun day. Not so fun. It was more GTA without the clown.

No 5 a.m. text.

He sighed heavily.

"What's up with you, Evan?" Tyler asked when they hit the ground in a splatter of blood and loose limbs.

He was silent for a moment and he knew Brock was listening hard when he swallowed and said, "I'm really fucking worried now guys. He hasn't said a word since last Wednesday."

Nogla ran over when they spawned, "Yeah it's starting to worry me a bit as well. He's never been AFK this long. None of us have really."

"Well family stuff can take up a lot of time. Know what I mean?" Tyler said. "So don't worry too much."

Evan huffed, "No, that's what's getting to me. He doesn't have family. It's just him and his mom. Like, fuck!"

"Evan! It's okay." Marcel butted in.

"Well, something could've happened to her and he's having to deal with fuck knows." Evan said and took a deep breath, rubbing his hands over his face. "I just wish he would fucking call me."

"He will. But you've got to stop thinking the worst has happened." Brock said smoothly. "You hearing me, Evan?"

"I hear you." He said quietly. "I'll give him until tomorrow then I'll call."

"Good plan. Now can we not be so serious? Fucking hate you guys when you're serious." Tyler slipped in and got everyone in the lobby laughing and somewhat back to normal.

"Whatever you say, pig."

* * *

><p>He couldn't sleep that night, just sat there in the dark editing videos with a sick feeling in the pit of his gut.<p>

He played random games until the sun came up. Anything to take his mind off of the worry. Anything to keep his eyes off his phone.

It took him a minute to realize a few people had snuck into his party, so he slipped his headset on.

"Evan?" Lui called out.

"I'm here."

"You sound tired." Mini Ladd stated and Evan closed his eyes.

"As fuck."

"Didn't sleep?" Brock asked.

"No."

"Guys! Delirious just text me!" Lui shouted and Evan's heartbeat nearly shot through the roof.

"What?"

"I just got one too." Mini piped in and then Brock said, "Same here."

Evan felt his gut churn. His phone never went off no matter how hard he stared at it.

"Well? What did he say?!"

Brock spoke carefully, "He said . . . _I don't know when I'll be able to get back on with you guys. I've been dealing with some things. It's been hard and I love you guys even if I am the annoying idiot of the group. You have all made my life better and I can't express my appreciation. But I'll get with you guys when I can. When I get through this."_

Evan was silent. His heart thudded in his chest. Why hadn't Delirious sent him a message?

"Evan?"

He blinked and his phone rang. His brain took it's time processing the name on the screen. Delirious. "Guys."

"He's calling me." He said and answered the phone. All was quiet.

"Delirious?"

"Hey . . . Evan."

"What's going on? You've been scaring the shit out of me."

"I . . . I'm sorry." He heard him take a deep breath. It wavered and Evan knew then that something was truly, deeply wrong.

"Don't be sorry. Just tell me what's wrong." He could hear the pleading in his own voice. The guys were quiet in his other ear.

Delirious choked, "Evan. Everything is wrong." He heard a sob and a sniff and his chest felt like it was caving. "Everything that could have possibly gone wrong in the past week . . . went fucking wrong." Delirious cried.

Evan took a deep breath. "Okay. Just breathe and tell me what happened."

Delirious' voice was shaking and Evan knew he was trying his best to hold it together for him. "This past month I moved back in with my mom. She'd been real sick and I needed to take care of her, she didn't have anyone else, you know?"

"I know." He said softly and nodded.

"I had her in the hospital for a few days. Well, she was doing better. A lot better. And I went to work Tuesday and I get a call halfway through the day. She died. Just went to sleep and never woke up."

His voice broke on the last word and Evan felt tears in the corner of his eyes. "I . . . am so fucking sorry, Delirious. I . . ."

"It's okay. . . . I'm okay." He took a breath. "But my Dad decided to show up when we were burying her."

"Wait." Evan spoke up. "Your dad? The one that left you when you were twelve?"

"That's the one."

"Why?"

"The house is his and I can't get out. I am so fucking stuck here, Evan. I can't sneeze without getting the shit beat out if me. I mean I'm not a small guy but he's huge. I've tried to fight back but I can't . . . I can't get out."

Evan was sure he was about to go into cardiac arrest with how fast his heart was beating. "You don't have any where you can go? A friend's house?"

Delirious gave a small sad laugh, "I don't have friends. I only have you and the guys. I'm no one in real life. I have no one. Even if I did run, he'd find me. He's a fucking drunk."

"Shit, Delirious."

"Evan, if something happens to me or I don't get out of here . . . "

Evan couldn't breathe. "Stop."

"I consider you my best friend."

"And you're mine." It came out in a whisper. He could barely hear the guys in his ear freaking out. Delirious huffed a laugh but it quickly disappeared.

"He's coming." He said and Evan feared for him. He was trembling for him. "I'll call you when I can."

"Jonathan!" He called out when he heard a yell, a fist meeting a face, and the sound of glass being shattered before the call ended.

He stared at the screen. "Fuck. Oh my fucking God. Oh fuck, fuck, fuck."

He dropped his phone and put his head in his hands, rocking back and forth until the headset still on one ear finally got his attention.

"Evan! Fuckin' say something!" Mini screamed in his ear.

"I don't . . . I'm gonna fucking puke." Evan muttered as he tried to shake the image of Jonathan being beat bloody at that very moment. Because he was. He choked on a sob. "Oh my God. I can't . . ."

"Deep breaths buddy." Brock said calmly even though he felt everything but.

Evan swallowed. No fucking way in hell he could just sit there and let it keep happening. He sat up and wiped his face with his shirt. "Guys."

"You okay?"

Evan rubbed his eyes and stood. "I'm going."

"Going where?"

"North Carolina. I'm the only one who has his address from sending him his Christmas present last week. I have to go, now. He could be fucking dying."

Lui finally spoke up. "Then what the fuck are you waiting for!? Go! Keep us updated but go! You're wasting time!"

He didn't say another word, just cut the power to his console and grabbed a duffle bag with a change of clothes and his passport. He was going south to find Jonathan and he was going to bring him back. He was going to bring him home.

Brock exhaled, "I can't believe this is fucking happening."

Mini agreed, "I've never heard Evan so upset. I mean I'm upset, too. That was scary as hell to listen to, but Evan . . . holy shit."

"He'll find him." Lui said assuredly.

"Yeah. He will." Brock nodded to himself. "No fucking way I can get anything done today until I hear from Evan."

Lui and Mini Ladd laughed, "Me either."

"We should let the guys know what's going on." Brock said just as Tyler text him. "Delirious sent them a text as well, Tyler just told me."

"Alright. I'll get a Skype call set up and send you boys an invite." Mini said and left the game and party.

"This is crazy. I never thought anything like this would happen." Lui said quietly before he left.

"I don't think anyone did."

* * *

><p>Evan dozed on and off as he stared out at the clouds from his seat on the plane. The lady next to him asked multiple times if he was alright.<p>

"I'm fine. I'm just trying to get to my friend." He said and wiped at his face to find it wet with tears he didn't know were there.

"Flying across the country to get there?"

He nodded, "North Carolina. I'm catching a connecting flight when we land."

She smiled sadly, but didn't ask him anymore questions. He slept for the remainder of the flight until she shook him awake when they were descending to grabbed his duffle from the storage compartment and everyone exited the plane. The airport was buzzing and his next flight was leaving in twenty minutes. He found a bathroom and brushed his teeth with a disposable toothbrush he found at a vendor. He looked sick. Pale.

There were people everywhere, he got second glanced from some of them. Some looked at him like he would fall over at any second.

"Sir!" He heard and turned to find the lady that had occupied the seat next to him on the plane.

Evan stopped walking and waited for her. She smiled when she approached him.

"Here, take this. When you land in North Carolina and rent a vehicle, give them this. You shouldn't have a problem getting anything you need."

He looked at the card that was now resting between his fingers. It had the name of the rental place and her picture on the front. Owner. She owned the place. On the back she had a few random numbers wrote down. He looked up and opened his mouth but no words came out.

"I . . . thank you." He looked at the card again. "Amanda."

She gave him a quick hug and smiled again. "I hope you get there safely and I hope your friend is okay. Good luck."

She held her hand out and he shook it, giving her a smile in return, "Name's Evan."

"Well, Evan, it was nice to meet you. Now go catch your flight, honey." She took his shoulders and turned him around, pushing him toward his gate. He gave her a wave as he looked back and she watched him go like a worried mother.

He was wide awake for next flight. Evan didn't mind flying, but he didn't like it. He'd rather be in a car on the road, watching the scenery go by. Small towns always caught his eye. The people going about their daily lives. It was interesting the way everyone else moved around him. He was in his own world, but so was everyone else. Everyone had their own likes, dislikes, problems, significant other, good moments, bad ones. Every last person did.

He wondered what Jonathan was doing at that very moment. Was he okay? Was he still lying bloody on the floor or was he locked in his room curled around himself on his bed? Wondering where his friend was?

"I'm coming." He said to himself as the airport came into view.


	2. Chapter 2

It was a lot warmer than he expected as he got off the plane. He was so used to the cold, it kind of shocked him. The temperature on the television in the lobby as he passed read fifty degrees. That was warm compared to the daily in Canada in late December. He slipped his red jacket on and headed down to the car rental where he approached the man at the counter.

"How can I help you today, sir?" He asked cheerfully.

"I need to get a car. Oh, and here's this." Evan held up a finger while he dug around in his pocket for the card. The guy took it and immediately smiled. "Of course, you must be Evan. Mrs. Amanda said you can have whatever you need. Free of charge."

Evan grinned again at the kindness of the random stranger. "I need a vehicle with the biggest amount of storage space. And I need one with GPS, quickly, if it's not too much to ask. I'm in a hurry."

The man smiled and gave a curt nod. "Absolutely. Follow me."

Evan followed the man when he walked out from behind the counter and into the next building. He plucked a pair of keys off the wall and guided him to a black Suburban. Evan took the keys when they were offered. "Thank you. I shouldn't need this for more than a day or two."

"Take your time, sir. Is there anything else I can get for you?"

"No, thank you. This will do." He smiled and shook the man's hand. He adjusted the seats and cranked up the heater when he got in. Before Evan pulled out of the lot he pulled out his phone and dialed Brock. As it rang he punched in Jonathan's address into the GPS on the dash.

"Evan?"

"Hey, Brock. I'm in North Carolina now. I landed about twenty minutes ago and I'm about to head out on the road now."

He heard a sigh of relief from his friend and grinned.

"Okay, good. I've got you on speaker so the boys can hear you."

"Hey guys."

"How long until you get to him, you think?" He heard Lui.

"Well, according to the GPS, it's about a two hour drive from here. I've got a full tank and the roads are pretty empty so it shouldn't take me long."

"Good. Now go. We won't keep you any longer, just let us know what's up when you get there." Brock said and Evan ended the call, pulling onto highway.

* * *

><p>"What the hell else could you possibly want?!" Jonathan yelled at his father who stood drooping against the doorway, drunk. He was standing in the front lawn because he knew the man wouldn't come out in the daylight, where the neighbors could see.<p>

"Huh?! Your wife is dead who you haven't talked to in fifteen years. Your only son let's himself be your punching bag. He cleans up your fucking mess! What else do you want from me?!"

Jonathan was burning alive he was so angry. He could feel the tears collecting at the corners of his eyes. His lip was stinging from it splitting last night. He could still taste blood on his teeth.

"Watch your tone with me, boy!"

Jonathan laughed and for a moment he thought the man might actually step into the yard. But he didn't. The neighbors were looking out the window in question, but he shook his head at them. It wouldn't do any good to call the cops. It didn't work the first time and it wouldn't work now.

"Fuck you, Dad." He turned around and headed down the driveway. "Fuck you."

"Get back here you worthless faggot!"

Jonathan just shook his head and kept walking.

* * *

><p><em>"Turn left. After 100 yards you will arrive at your destination."<em>

Evan stopped the truck a few houses down from Jonathan's before he got out into the cold. It probably wasn't smart to just walk up to his house and knock, given the fact that his dad would probably answer the door. It was a nice neighborhood, quiet, quaint. Even though something dark was going on behind closed doors. He decided to try the neighbor to the left of Jonathan's house first before deciding what to do. Evan approached the door and knocked. A moment later a middle aged woman answered and looked up at him worriedly.

"Hi."

She smiled nervously, "Can I help you?"

"My name is Evan. I'm here about Jonathan." He motioned to the house to the right. "He's my best friend. I understand the situation he's in and I'm here to take him home with me. So would you happen to know if he's home, ma'am? I'm sure you understand why I don't want to go banging on his door right now."

She gave a heavy sigh of relief. "Oh thank God! I've been worried sick about that boy. We've been listening to them scream and fight for a whole week and I've been scared that David would take it too far and kill the poor thing." She clutched at her chest. "And yes, I do understand. I wouldn't go knockin' on that man's door if you paid me. You just missed Jonathan. He managed to get out of the house for a while. Went walking that way just ten minutes ago." She pointed down the road.

"Thank you so much." He gave her a nod and she grabbed his hand before he turned away."No, angel. Thank you." She squeezed his hand. "You're saving his life. Now you find him and take him as far from here as you can and don't ever come back."

"Yes ma'am. That's the plan." He squeezed her hand back and he walked back to the truck. There was no telling where Jonathan had gone, but he drove down the road for a while until it came to what appeared to be the center of town. Tiny shops littered with trinkets and whatnot filled old brick buildings. It was a very small lively town. There was a steady bustle of people walking down either sidewalk but a blue jacket caught his eye. But it was lost in the crowd as soon as he gave it a second glance. He searched and searched but couldn't catch sight of it again. So he turned onto the next street which was just as crowded as the last. He pulled over once he found enough room to park on the side of the road and got out. The crowd easily moved past him as he looked up and down the street for any hint of blue. Evan didn't know why. Jonathan could be wearing anything, but based on his choices for online apparel he had a big hunch that he wore blue in real life more often than not. Just like Evan wore red.

And then there it was, walking right at him until it took a sharp right and headed down another street. It was quick but he saw a face, one that was fair but ruined with bruises and a busted lip. It had to be Jonathan. No one else had on such a Deliriously blue jacket. Evan's heartbeat picked up the pace as he quickened his steps to keep up. He kept his distance but kept his eyes on the back of the guy's light brown hair. It flickered to and fro against the cold wind and he shivered when the anxiety took hold of his nerves. He was tall, his height, not big, but not thin. He was lean with broad shoulders. If it was him at all, but he had a feeling, an extremely good feeling that it was Jonathan. There was a town square with a small park up ahead and he watched the guy look both ways before jogging across the road. Evan watched him find an empty park bench and sit by himself. He ran his hands through his hair and pulled a phone from his pocket and put it to his ear.

Evan took a deep breath and swallowed when his phone rang in his pocket. He slid his thumb across the screen and put it to his ear, "Jonathan?"

"Evan, hey."

"Are you okay?"

He watched the guy shake his head. "I'm okay, for now. I got out of the house, sitting in the park. I don't think I'm going back though. He'll probably kill me this time."

"Why?"

"I threw some choice words at him before I left." Jonathan said and Evan could hear the strain in his voice. He was about to break. "I don't know what to do now."

"Just calm down. Everything is gonna be fine." Evan said as he made his way across the street and toward the figure on the park bench.

"Yeah. I'm just really fucking scared and . . ." Jonathan choked and his voice trembled. Evan watched him wipe at his eyes as he approached him from the side. He watched his lips as he said, "And I just really wish you were here. It's stupid, I know."

"That's not stupid, stupid." Evan said and smiled when Jonathan did.

"Just a little."

"Not really." Evan ended the call and put his phone in his pocket then said, "Since I'm already here."

Jonathan looked up and over at him and stood, but he froze. He continued to stand there motionless until Evan saw his chin tremble and his head drop. He walked toward him and Jonathan reached a hand out and Evan took it, pulling him into a tight hug.

"Ouch."

"Sorry." Evan loosened his grip. They stayed like that for a while until Jonathan pulled back and looked him hard in the eye.

Evan looked him over thoroughly. He wasn't what he expected at all. He had light skin, red lips, dimples in his cheeks when he smiled, and the bluest eyes he'd ever seen. His ears were pierced with small black studs and he could see a tattoo showing on his neck just beneath the collar of his shirt. Jonathan wiped his face with the back of his hand and winced when he touched the bruise on his left eye.

"You look like shit." Evan said and Jonathan gave him a smile. Wide and white.

"I can't believe you're fucking here."

"What? You really thought I'd just leave you here after that phone call? I left right then and there." Evan shrugged. "That's what friends do."

Jonathan rubbed at the back of his neck nervously. "I'm just . . . not used to having anyone do anything for me. Other than Mom." He shrugged. "I mean, nothing like flying down from Canada overnight."

"I'm just glad you're not dead." Evan said and pulled him into another soft hug. "It's nice to meet you, by the way."

Jonathan laughed softly, "Yeah. You, too."

Evan pulled away and they sat on the bench together. "Now, I'd ask you how you feel about Canada, but it's pointless because I'm not letting you stay here either way."

Jonathan twiddled his thumbs before looking over at him, "So it's 'you're coming with me' or 'you're coming with me'?"

Evan grinned, "Yeah, pretty much."

Jonathan nodded, "You're serious about this?"

"Yes. I thought it over for like . . . two whole seconds."

Jonathan giggled and for a moment Evan could hear the goofy laugh of the normal Delirious. But it was gone just as quickly and the wind gave a big gust, making them both pull their jackets around them a little tighter.

"Okay." Jonathan nodded and grinned at him. Evan stared for a little longer than he wanted to, but Jonathan was . . . different.

"Okay. Then let's get this shit started." Evan stood and pulled Jonathan to his feet. "What are we doing?"

"Is there a shipping store around here?"

Jonathan nodded, "Two blocks that way." He pointed behind them.

"Okay, how many boxes do you think it'll take to pack up all your things?" Evan looked over at him.

He shrugged, "Uhh . . . I'd say, like, seven medium boxes. I have next to nothing. Like, ten shirts, my consoles and computer. The rest is keepsakes. Not much. I already downsized once when I moved back to the house at the first of December." Jonathan licked his lips, "Some of it's still packed actually, so not even that many."

"Alright, I parked not far from here." Evan started walking in the direction Jonathan pointed in, but didn't get too far until he felt a hand on his arm.

"Wait. How are we going to get in there to get my things?" He furrowed his brows. "If I go home, he'll probably strangle me to death."

"Leave that to me."

* * *

><p>Evan loaded the boxes into the back of the truck and they both got in, driving back to Jonathan's house. He was nervous as he sat in the passenger's seat tapping his knee with his fingers.<p>

"Relax."

"I'm trying." Jonathan took a deep breath as they pulled into the yard.

"Come on." Evan said and they got out. But instead of going to Jonathan's, Evan led him to the neighbor's house. He knocked and the same woman answered, this time she was more than happy.

"Hi, again. Listen, can I ask a huge favor of you?" He said with a smile.

"Sure, dear. Anything you need." She beamed.

"Can Jonathan sit with you for a few minutes? I'm going to go have a chat with his dad and when you see me come outside I want you to call the cops and tell them there's a man running around the yard with a knife." Evan finished and the woman looked at him, eyebrows inching up her forehead.

"Yes, I suppose I could do that. Come in, sweetie." She motioned for Jonathan but he stood still on the porch gaping at Evan.

"What are you gonna do?"

Evan huffed a laugh and guided him through the door, "Don't worry, Delirious. I'll be fine. I just need to know one thing."

"What's that?"

"What makes him mad?"

"Well besides everything . . . probably the fact that I'm bisexual." Jonathan said and waited for Evan to give him a look but he never did.

"Okay. Stay here until the cops come. In fact, you may want to go ahead and call them now." Evan shut the door behind him and Jonathan watched with Ms. Allison as he crossed the yard. He listened as she phoned it in. In the meantime he tried to control the erratic beating of his heart.

* * *

><p>Evan rapped his knuckles on the door and waited. And waited. It swung open to a huge man, at least 6'3. He glanced up into his glazed over eyes and smiled.<p>

"Hi, big guy. I'm Evan. I wanted to talk to you about your son."

He grunted, "What about him?"

"May I come in?" He asked as he all but shoved the man aside and invited himself in. "Nice kitchen you have here. You probably don't even know how to use it do you?"

"The hell did you say?"

Evan grinned again as he found the knives and placed one on the counter in front of him making sure David was paying attention.

"He told me you don't like the fact that he likes girls . . . and boys." Evan said and the man turned red, he could practically see the steam coming off his face. Oh he was angry now. "Well, I don't agree with that. I think you should love and support your son no matter what his preferences are. Asshole."

Evan made his way closer to the front door slowly as David stepped his way running his hand across the counter. The knife was now in the man's hand just like he expected it to be.

"So, we're going to take his things and leave this hellhole, and you can drink yourself to sleep each night knowing that you're alone."

Evan finally heard the sirens in the distance and turned the knob behind his back as David lunged forward.

* * *

><p>"Evan!"<p>

Jonathan ran outside when he saw his father burst out the door with a knife in his hand. Evan tackled him to the ground and quickly got to his feet, keeping his distance in case the man wasn't as drunk as he thought he was. The sirens grew louder and soon they saw the lights. David got to his feet, fuming, and slowly stumbled towards Evan.

"Sir! Drop the weapon!" One if the cops yelled and pointed his gun. "Now."

Evan watched the man's eyes narrow as he stared past him. He turned his head and there was Jonathan, standing beside him glaring at his father. The blue and white lights were flashing all around them and none of it seemed real. He was really here, Delirious was three inches away and he could feel the heat radiating off of him. Evan never thought they'd meet like this. He always thought Jonathan would just suck it up one day and accept his invite to E3 and meet everyone.

"On your knees!" The cop yelled again and the man gave in, dropping to his knees in the cold grass.

Jonathan moved closer until their arms were flush against each others.

He turned his head slightly and said under his breath, "You know you're my fucking hero, right?".

Evan grinned, "Like always."

After Evan gave a quick statement to the police officer he backed the Suburban into Jonathan's yard, close to the front door, and they pulled the empty boxes out along with packing tape.

"Shall we?" He asked and Delirious opened the door for him with a smirk.

Jonathan was a very clean person. Neat and organized. It was another thing that Evan hadn't expected. He'd expected clothes strewn everywhere and empty Mountain Dew cans stacked a mile high. But everything was in order. They carried the small boxes that were already in his room to the truck first, then they went to work on packing everything.

"Do you have an overnight bag you can pack? Like another change of clothes, toothbrush, essentials." Evan asked and Jonathan nodded and dropped to his knees before pulling a small duffle from beneath his bed. Evan was untangling console and computer wires when Jonathan laughed. He turned around and Jonathan was holding the Christmas present he'd sent him a week ago.

"I never said thank you for the present." He laughed again.

"You're welcome. I knew you'd like it." Evan said and smiled when Jonathan stuffed the teddy bear into his overnight bag.

Jonathan shrugged, "It could come in handy."

Evan laughed and shook his head and went back to wrapping up cords. He checked for discs before he unplugged the consoles and wrapped them in bubble wrap, setting them in a box. Jonathan really didn't have much. All the clothes he had fit in one box by themselves and keepsakes in another. His

games and CDs took up the rest and that was it. There was nothing else to pack and there was still a smaller box left. Evan put down the box in his hands when Jonathan sat on his bed and rubbed his eyes.

"What's wrong?" Evan asked him and he tried to stop the anxiety that was threatening to surface. What if Jonathan changed his mind, what if he didn't want to go?

"Nothing. I've just had this fucking headache for a week. Since this all started. He hijacked the aspirin as soon as he got here. The fucker."

Evan exhaled and unclenched his fists. His anxiety disappeared. "Why don't you go sit in the truck and relax, I'll get the rest of this."

Jonathan hesitated for a moment but eventually nodded and let Evan pull him to his feet. He watched him get into the truck from the front door and turned back to pick up the last few boxes and something at the end of the hallway caught his eye. A small stack of thick books sat on a table. Silently he made his way over and picked one up to find they were actually photo albums, all filled to the brim with memories, pictures of him as a child, growing up, school. Evan bit at his lip in thought before he picked them all up and placed them in the last empty box. He passed by what was Jonathan's mother's room he assumed. It was also kept neat and clean except for the destruction of clothes and cans his father left behind the past week. Jonathan needed to have something of hers to keep with him. He glanced over the room and there on the dresser was a small jewelry box standing alone. Evan opened it slowly to find a few rings and bracelets, but what caught his eye was the tiny picture that was wedged in the corner of the mirror. It was Jonathan and his mother locked in an embrace that only a mother could give and he could feel the emotion behind it. This. He closed the box and took it with him. He placed it in the box with the albums and taped it up before loading it into the back of the truck with the others. He gave everything one last glance before closing the front door and getting behind the wheel. He gave Ms. Allison a wave as they they pulled onto the road. She smiled and waved before walking through her door. Evan looked over at Jonathan.

"Hey."

He had his head propped up against his arm on the window and he looked even worse than before.

"Hm?" Was all he mumbled.

"Which way to the cemetery?" Evan asked and Jonathan opened his eyes and sat up.

"Take a left up here and follow it down a bit. It'll be on the right."

Evan gave him a nod and they drove in silence watching the bare trees fly by one by one until he saw the stone sign. He turned right and into the cemetery. The sun was finally out and it shone through the oak trees that filled the area. It was peaceful, beautiful, and he looked over to find Delirious staring out the window at the scenery as well.

"It rained that day." He said and Evan knew he meant the funeral. He looked tired the more he looked at him, his blue eyes looked grey in the sun and the bags beneath his eyes seemed darker.

"When's the last time you slept?" He asked and Jonathan shrugged.

"I don't know." He pointed out ahead of them. "She's in the middle. Just stop up there."

Evan pulled over and put the truck in park, leaving the heat on as they got out. He followed behind Jonathan through the headstones and fake flowers until they came to a mound of pale dirt surrounded by displays upon displays of beautiful flowers. Real ones. Ones that would wilt soon from the weather. A small temporary name template was sitting to the side. Julia.

"Julia." Evan said and Jonathan looked at him as he continued to talk. "I would like to say that even though I never got the pleasure of meeting you, I still think you're awesome. Because without you and your awesome ways Jonathan here would've never come into existence and grown into the awesome person that he is. So thank you."

Evan glanced at Jonathan who was grinning with his hands in his pockets as he looked down at the mound of dirt.

"I'll be in the truck. Take your time." Evan gave his shoulder a light squeeze and he walked away.

Jonathan watched him go and for a moment he got lost in the way Evan walked. The way he held his shoulders back properly, the way he turned and looked back at him. For just a moment. But he slapped himself mentally. Evan was so far off limits it was fucking hilarious to even think about it. He smiled at his stupidity like he always did. Just laugh it off, no one will know. It always worked that way no matter how bad it actually hurt him. Just laugh.

But Evan. Evan was different. Evan cared. Evan would join in, call him an idiot, and even though he knew Evan didn't mean it like the others did . . . he always apologized. He'd text him after, every time, just to say, _"Hey, you know I didn't mean it, right?"_

And he'd always say, _"Yes, bitch. I know. And you don't have to say sorry. But you'll do it anyway."_

_"Yes. I will, dummy. I always do."_

And Jonathan would smile as he curled up in his sheets. He had a friend, miles and miles away, but he had one. He had someone that gave a shit about his feelings. It was nice. Jonathan looked back down at the incomplete grave that still didn't have a headstone. It would take weeks for them to get it done and he wouldn't be here to see it.

"Hey, Mom." He said quietly and looked around. It felt stupid, talking to nothing, but he had things he needed to say even if it was to the memory of his mother. "I'm leaving. Getting out, like you always wanted me to. Dad showed up and beat the fuck out of me, so that was great. But Evan's here, the one I always talk about. He's taking me to Canada, his home. I don't really know what I'll do there or how I'll like it but he'll be there . . ." He swallowed and glanced at the truck. "He's always been there and I know what's going to happen if I go with him and I'm fucking terrified . . ."

He took a deep breath and watched his breath run away with the wind as he exhaled. "But I know what you would tell me. So this is goodbye for now, Mom. I love you."

* * *

><p>"You good?" Evan asked him when he got back in the truck, into the heat. He rubbed his face, his eyes were hurting but he felt okay. He looked at his friends behind the wheel and smiled.<p>

"I'm good."Evan smiled back and pulled his shades down as they drive off. "Onward!"

They laughed as they drove into town again. Jonathan told him about a few of the shops and the crazy old people who still sat on the same bench and said the same thing every time you passed them. He talked more than he ever had and Evan listened and laughed and joked around. It was just like it always was between them.

"So you work where?"

Jonathan pointed to a small bookstore in between two buildings, you almost couldn't see it.

"There."

Evan pulled over and they both got out, Jonathan leading him into the small building. The bell on the door chimed.

"I only work when they need me. The owner was good friends with my mom and I grew up with his son." Jonathan looked around for a moment but he didn't see anyone. Evan loved the smell of books, it was a guilty pleasure. He pulled an old book off the shelf and leafed through the pages and took a deep breath. He grinned when Jonathan smiled at him.

"I love it, too."

"Jonathan!" Evan nearly jumped as a short brunette peered around the corner at them. She gasped and ran up to him, touching his face. "What the hell happened?"

Jonathan took her hands and pulled them off his face. "I'm fine. It was my dad. But I'm leaving, Ava, that's why I'm here."

Evan watched her face drop. She was cute and small and the way she treated Jonathan was very sisterly.

"Where are you going?" She asked and looked past Jonathan and met Evan's stare. "With him?"

Evan nodded and shoved his hands in his pockets.

"Ava, this is Evan." Jonathan said and Ava froze before cutting Jonathan a look, trying to suppress a smile.

Jonathan rolled his eyes, "Don't embarrass me." He muttered and she grinned.

"Nice to meet you Evan." She gave him a wave.

"You, too."

"Canada." Jonathan said, getting her attention again.

"That's . . ." She tapped his finger against her lip, "really far away. But, if it's what you want then I'm happy for you. I'm guessing you came for your stuff?"

"Yeah." He said and he made his way into a room in the back of the store where there was a small box he had kept his things in. Photos, notes, bracelets Ava had made him, a book or two. He put the lid on it and walked back out to Evan who was smelling another book.

"Will you let Mr. Hansen know, Ava?"

She beamed, "Absolutely. I'm gonna miss you and your maniacal laughter."

Evan smiled. Jonathan's laughter was beyond maniacal. It's what made him . . . _him_. He let them say their goodbyes and walked outside but soon felt a hand on his arm.

"Take care of him please. He's extremely insecure and very shy even around people he knows and he doesn't like to be put on the spotlight. And don't leave him alone. Got it?"

"Got it." Evan grinned down at her and she smiled and waved them off when they got back in the truck.

"Okay. Shipping store?" Jonathan asked and Evan nodded.

"Yep. Shipping store."

They got all the boxes into the store and Evan asked the man for overnight shipping so it would all be there by the time they got home. Evan repeated that in his head as they walked through the airport side by side.

_By the time they got home. They._

Evan had lived alone for years and he knew he always had a spare bedroom. But he never used it and never looked for anyone to fill up the space. He never looked for anyone to share his bed either for that matter. Relationships were something he didn't like wasting his time on. It never went anywhere and they were boring as hell. He liked the quiet.

* * *

><p>"Close your eyes." He said quietly as Jonathan tapped his fingers on his leg as the plane picked up speed on the runway. Evan watched him breathe slowly to keep himself calm. He shut his eyes when he told him to.<p>

"That makes it worse. Fuck planes."

Evan laughed then grabbed his hand to keep it still and Jonathan squeezed his fingers hard when the plane left the pavement. It shook for a moment and then smoothly leveled itself out. It took him a minute but he relaxed and released his fingers and exhaled heavily.

"Can I get you two anything?" A flight attendant asked after they were in the air for a while.

"Aspirin and water, please." Evan said and gave her a smile when she handed it to him.

"Thank you."

He turned and handed it to Jonathan who accepted it gratefully before swallowing the two pills in a hurry.

"Now shut your eyes and go to sleep, this is a one way flight, no connector. So sleep, it's gonna be a while." Evan told him and Jonathan didn't argue. He dropped his head back and shut his eyes. A few minutes later his head fell to the side and hit Evan's shoulder.

A grin spread across his face as he pulled his phone out and snapped a picture of the both of them. The first picture of many that was to come he was sure. Before he sent it to the guys he found a hockey mask photo and edited it over Jonathan's face.

He typed out, "Got him. Canada bound now." Then he attached the picture and sent it in a group message to the boys. Evan rested his head back for a while and was about to doze off when his phone buzzed a few times. He slid open the message.

Brock: _That's adorable. :)_

Marcel:_ Awesome, glad he's okay!_

A few minutes later it buzzed again.

Tyler: _Aw man! No fair you get to see his face._

Evan tried not to laugh out loud.

Lui: _Yay!_

Nogla and Mini both said: _Sweet!_

Tyler: _Come on, Evan. Just give us a peek._

Evan: _No, Tyler. That's his decision, I'm not taking it away from him._

Tyler:_ Ooh. Well look at you Mother Goose, all protective and shit, lol._

Lui: _So was it bad when you got there?_

Evan: _He had just got out of his house and was at the park and he called me, upset. He's beat up pretty bad, has a black eye, split lip. I'm sure he's hurt in other places because I hurt him when I hugged him._

Mini: _That's messed up. I'm just really fucking glad you got to him._

Brock: _So . . . is he ugly?_

Nogla:_ Lol, what the hell Brock?_

Lui: _Yeah, we don't care what he looks like. As long as he's okay._

Marcel: _Yeah, is he ugly?_

Evan: _Jesus, guys. No, he's not ugly._

Tyler: _Details!_

Evan sighed and shook his head, details wouldn't hurt he guessed.

Evan: _He's actually kind of pretty._

Marcel: _Pretty? What does that mean?_

Tyler: _It means we need more details!_

Evan: _Okay! Calm the fuck down. He has light brown hair, bright blue eyes, light skin._

He paused.

Mini: _Aaaaand?_

Evan: _Aaaand. He has those really red lips, you know, like when you lick them too much and he has dimples in his cheeks when he smiles._

Tyler:_ Well fuck. Dimples means he's hot. Is he hot, Evan?_

Evan: _What?_

Tyler: _Evan, if he's hot just say it!_

Lui: _Omg. You guys are killing me, lol!_

Evan: _I don't know! He's got the kind of face that's strange. Well, different. But you can't stop looking at him because you don't know what it is. I don't know._

Nogla:_ I believe the word you're looking for is, mysterious._

Marcel: _Ooh. He's mysterious! Delirious the mysterious!_

Tyler: _Yep. He's hot. He has the dimples, blue eyes, and he has a mysterious face. Totally hot. Just say it._

Evan rolled his eyes, but couldn't keep himself from laughing under his breath. Jonathan moved beside him but quickly went still once Evan did. He looked down at him sleeping hard on his shoulder and observed his features again. The more he looked, the prettier he got if you took away the bruising and busted lip.

Evan: _His ears are pierced, too. Tiny black studs. I see a tattoo underneath his collar on the right side of his neck._

Brock: _I'm in. He's hot. You just described the perfect GILF._

Mini: _What the hell is a GILF?_

Brock: _Guy I'd like to fuck._

Marcel: _Dude! That's so gay._

Brock: _Nah, that's just being open with your sexuality. Everybody has a dream guy, even you Marcel._

Marcel: _Well, yeah. Don't know if I'd fuck him._

Evan: _Guys! No one is fucking anybody! Let's not have this debate right now. I'm on a plane, he's sleeping on my shoulder and I'm tired as fuck. Let's save it for another day. Please._

Lui:_ Oh God. I can't get over him sleeping on your shoulder. Guys, who's boarding this ship?_

Mini:_ Haha! Me, I'm so on this ship!_

Nogla: _Me, definitely._

Marcel: _What ship are you talking about?!_

Tyler: _The Evan and Delirious ship. In which we support their gay relationship together. But they aren't actually together._

Lui: _But we love the idea of it._

Marcel: _Gotcha. Yeah why the hell not. I've always thought you guys were gay anyway, lol._

Evan: _Why?! Don't do this to me!_

Brock:_ You know we're just having some fun. But I'm shipping it, too. I regret nothing. Get some sleep, Evan. We love you!_

Tyler:_ No, wait! He never said he was hot! I'm not leaving this group message until I hear it from Evan!_

Evan rubbed his eyes. This conversation did not go like he had thought it would. He shook his head and typed the words that he silently agreed with.

Evan:_ He's hot. Now get the fuck out._

Tyler: _Yes! Bye bitches._

Mini:_ Bye Evan!_

Lui:_ Ttyl._

Nogla: _Bye!_

Marcel: _I'm confused. But, bye loser._

Brock:_ Sorry, not sorry. Bye!_

"Jesus fucking Christ." He muttered and put his phone away. "Never again."

He laid he head back and closed his eyes, trying desperately to forget the whole conversation. He failed and fell asleep with Jonathan on the brain like he figured he would. It would probably be that way for a while until he got used to him being there.

* * *

><p>His neck was killing him when he opened his eyes and he felt something heavy on his head. He tried to move but Evan's head was laying on his and he tried not to laugh. There was a ding over the intercom and it was the captain telling them to fasten their seat belts as they came in for landing.<p>

"Evan." He nudged him and he wiggled a bit before jerking awake.

"What? Sorry." He mumbled and rubbed at his eyes.

Jonathan smiled, "We're about to land." He said and looked out the window. "Look at all the fucking snow. Shit."

Evan laughed, "Get used to it. We've got about three more months of it."

"Fuuuuck that." Jonathan looked back at him and grinned. "Just kidding. I love snow. It's messy and cold. When I was a kid we would build forts and have snow wars."

Evan bit at his lip. Jonathan looked serene as he watched the ground get closer and closer. But right before they approached the runway he sat back and shut the window, starting to breath slow and heavy again just like when they took off. His fingers tapped at his leg, it was his nervous habit Evan realized. Jonathan glanced over at him and gave a nervous smile, "It's just the takeoff and landing. Scares the shit out of me."

The plane started to shake as they got close and Evan grabbed his hand again when Jonathan shut his eyes tight. He squeezed his fingers just like before and exhaled when the plane slowed to a crawl.

"You good?"

Jonathan let go of his hand and nodded, "I will be. When get we off of this thing."

Evan stood and pulled their bags down, "Well, come on. Let's go home."

He watched Jonathan slowly smile and he felt something he couldn't quite describe. He felt happy, ecstatic, because Delirious was here. He was going home with him and he felt the nerves tighten in his stomach as they walked through the airport. It was cold as hell outside, so he pulled the extra jacket he'd packed out of his bag and gave it to Jonathan who put it on in a hurry when they walked outside.

"Thank you!"

Evan laughed as they searched for his car in the lot. Jonathan helped him scrape the ice off of it before they got on the road.

"Are you hungry?"

"Starving."

"Me, too." Evan drove through town as the sun was setting. The temperature was dropping and he knew Jonathan could feel it. His nose was red.

"Pizza?"

Jonathan laughed, "Hell yeah."

Evan pulled into his favorite pizzeria, "Wait here." He cranked the heat up in the car and ran inside, ordering three pizzas.

"Three?" His friend Rory asked when he placed the order. "You have company for a change?" He joked.

Evan grinned, "Yeah, one of my online buddies. He's gonna be living with me."

"Wow. That's kind of sudden."

"Yeah, it's a long story, but he's my best friend."

Rory winked and fetched his pizza, "Gotcha."

"Thanks, man. I'll see you later." Evan said after he paid him and grabbed his food.

"Holla." Rory called.

Jonathan jerked awake when Evan got back in the car and put the warm pizza in his lap.

"Sorry." He giggled. "I'm still fucking tired."

"It's fine. We'll eat then sleep when we get home."

"Sounds amazing." Jonathan muttered sleepily. He watched the street lights go by as the radio played quietly in the car. None of this felt real and he wouldn't be surprised if he woke up in his room with his dad standing over him with a bloody fist. Tears were gathering and he blinked them away before they dropped.

Evan pulled into a driveway in a busy neighborhood. It was a small two story house with a front and back yard, and a porch. It was nice. He parked in the garage and got out. He walked to Jonathan's side and opened the door before grabbing the pizza so he could get out.

"Can you grab the bags out of the back?" Evan asked him and he reached into the backseat and got their overnight bags. Jonathan followed Evan through the door and into his kitchen which was huge and awesome, just like the rest of his house as he showed him around.

Evan showed him to the spare room that would be his. It was just down the hall from his own room. But Jonathan was frozen at the doorway with a terrible pained looked on his face. Then he looked up at him and Evan's heart nearly dropped to his stomach.

"I don't deserve any of this. I don't deserve a friend that treats me like you do." Jonathan said and Evan watched the tears wet his face.

"Okay, first of all, you're my best friend. Why the fuck wouldn't I do any of this for you? And second, you'll just have to get use to me treating you like royalty because that just how I treat my friends." Evan said and he knew it wouldn't make him stop thinking shit about himself but he'd fight the rest of Jonathan's demons later. Right now he just wanted him to be happy with where he was.

"Come here, man." He wrapped him up in a hug, careful not to hug too tight. Jonathan sighed and squeezed the hell out of him, grabbing his jacket in his fists. "Every thing is okay. Nothing bad is gonna happen. Are you hearing me?"

Jonathan nodded but he didn't let him go. Until his stomach growled and they both laughed. He pulled back and wiped at his face.

"Foooood."

Evan smiled at his puffy eyes and red nose. He was adorable, which he never thought he'd use that term for a guy, but he was. They trudged dramatically into the kitchen like cavemen and sat around the pizza at the island counter and bowed down.

"Yes, fooood."

They ate nearly all of it until neither one could hold their eyes open. Evan told him goodnight and they went their separate ways falling into warm covers and letting every thing go dark.

He couldn't wait to get up in the morning.


	3. Chapter 3

Jonathan woke up slow, his head felt like it was about to split open. It was dark in the room, someone had closed the curtains because he sure as hell didn't remember doing it. He felt for the lamp he remembered seeing before he passed out last night. The light was dim and even then he had to squint. There was a bottle of water and a few pain relievers on the bedside table. Jonathan smiled before he took them and washed it down with water. Evan was amazing to say the least. He cut the lamp off and pulled the covers back over him and shut his eyes while the pain killers did their work. The soreness was taking its toll on his body and he was pretty sure his ribs were bruised, too. It hurt to take deep breaths or cough, which he desperately felt like he needed to. The weather was already testing his sinuses. He drifted off to sleep again when the headache dulled and woke again later to the sound of shuffling outside the door.

* * *

><p>Evan signed for Jonathan's boxes and shook the man's hand. "Thanks for getting them here so quick. I appreciate it."<p>

"No problem, sir." The guy smiled and turned on his heel. Evan picked up the last box and carried it inside and up the stairs with the others and placed them by Jonathan's door.

Evan looked up when the door opened and Jonathan appeared, shirtless with his loose pajama pants that were hanging low on his hips. The tattoo that he could barely see yesterday was now in plain sight. It ran from his elbow to his collar bone, a collage of sorts. It was done in black and white and it was gorgeous.

'Hot' ran through his head and he willed it away. He was going to rip the guys a new one for putting the damn idea in head in the first place. He looked again and the bruises caught his eye.

"Holy shit."

Jonathan raised his hands and his eyebrows, "What?"

His voice was rough with sleep and he was squinting at the light.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Delirious." Evan gaped as he stepped toward him and touched his fingers to the deep purple bruise that ran from his left side to his back. Jonathan flinched under his touch and he pulled his fingers away.

"Sorry. That looks fucking terrible."

"Yeah, it hurts something terrible."

Evan eyeballed him again, "I really need to touch it and make sure you don't have a broken rib." He turned, heading downstairs and motioned for Jonathan to follow. "Come sit in the kitchen."  
>He waited for him to sit and put his arms on the counter before he gently touched his side again. Jonathan flinched and groaned immediately.<p>

"Okay?"

Jonathan nodded and laid his head on his arms as Evan continued to feel for protrusions that could indicate a broke rib.

"Can you take a deep breath?"

Evan waited and Jonathan inhaled and held it before letting it go.

"Good. Nothing feels broke, just a little swollen." He said and Jonathan sat up, meeting his stare before looking away. Ashamed? That's what Evan saw on his face and he felt his blood boil. Why would he feel ashamed, it wasn't like he could fight back because the man towered over him. Hell he was too big for Evan to fight.

Evan sighed, "You need to keep ice on it and pain killers in your system or you'll be miserable for a few days. Just breathe deep every once in a while to help it work itself out."

Jonathan nodded silently and watched Evan make him a bag of ice then wrap it in a towel.

Jonathan grinned when Evan turned around.

"What?" Evan asked suspiciously.

"You bring me to Canada and now you want me to wear an ice pack?" He smiled when Evan tried his hardest not to. "Are you trying to turn me into a damn icicle?"

Evan laughed and shrugged, "You could go stand in the yard instead, either way you're keeping ice on you. Just for a little while, I promise."

Jonathan squinted at him as he came around the counter with the ice and a wrap to go around his waist and shoulder to hold it in place. "Alright. I trust you. Just not the virtual you."  
>Evan grinned and Jonathan hissed when the cold settled into his skin. It went numb after a while but it was uncomfortable as hell. He couldn't even put a shirt on so he slipped his jacket on instead.<p>

"Let's get your stuff set up so we can play. I know you've been having withdrawals." Evan flew up the stairs and started sliding boxes into Jonathan's room.

"Yeah, I have. It's been a whole week. I'm scared to get on YouTube."

Evan nodded, "Yeah the comments on your page are getting borderline scary. But, I can take care of that." He stopped moving boxes and caught his eye, "If you want me to, that is. Depends on if you want to tell everyone that we're living together now or not. Either way, I can handle it."  
>Jonathan shrugged, "It's fine with me. They'd find out sooner or later and the guys already know I assume?"<p>

"Yeah, they know. I was in a party when you called. I don't know if they heard everything, but they heard me so . . ."

Jonathan leaned against the doorway and ran a hand through his hair before he looked up at Evan who was standing there grinning, looking him up and down.

"Is there something on my face?"

Evan shook his head, "No I just can't stop looking at you. You're nothing like I thought you would be. I mean I didn't have a set image in my head of you, but it was something way off. Something that matched your laugh."

"I do match my laugh, I'm fucking weird looking."

"No." Evan said in a matter of fact tone, "You look really good."

Jonathan huffed a laugh and rolled his eyes, "Yeah, right."

"I am dead serious." Evan said because he refused to call him hot even though it was on the tip of tongue every time he looked at him.

"Shut up, Evan." Delirious turned to the hallway for a box and Evan laughed.

"Oh my God, you're blushing!"

"Am not!"

"You so are!" Evan went into the hall and pulled Jonathan's hands off of the box he was trying to move, "Hey! Don't strain yourself. You need to let your side heal."

"Fine, I'll go take everything out of them then and you can move them. How does that sound?" Jonathan asked smartly and Evan was still smiling.

"Sounds perfect, Delirious. Now stop blushing because I gave you a compliment. You just have to accept the fact that you're hot."

Jonathan sighed and turned into the room oblivious to the fact that Evan was flipping his shit in his mind. He said it, he fucking said the 'h' word.

Evan rubbed his face and shook it off. It was fine. Jonathan still thought he was fucking around anyway.

"You okay out there or are you still thinking about how hot I am?" Delirious called and Evan laughed.

"You wish, bitch." He pushed another box into the room and Jonathan was grinning as he unpacked one of his boxes.

"You're the one who said it."

Fucking hell. Just run with it, Evan

"Yes, I did. Just stating the obvious." Evan said and pulled the consoles from their box and went to hooking cords up to the tv on the wall.

"Well, if we're stating the obvious, then you're pretty hot yourself." Jonathan raised a brow at him when he turned to look at him.

He laughed, "Then I guess we're just two hot guys in a really cold place."

Jonathan giggled, "The world can't handle us!"

He started to plug his computer up at the desk on the other side of the room and Evan finished hooking up his Xboxes.

Evan flopped onto Jonathan's bed and watched him work the wires. He rolled his sleeves up and bit at his tongue as he concentrated. Evan was fascinated. No one ever fascinated him.

"Happy New Year, by the way."

Jonathan stood and put on a thinking face, "Shit, that was last night wasn't it?"

Evan nodded, "Yep."

"Should we kiss?" Jonathan asked as seriously as he could, trying to keep a straight face.  
>Evan pursed his lips in thought then checked the invisible watch on his bare wrist, "Ehh. Maybe next year."<p>

Jonathan couldn't hold it and started laughing, "I'll hold you to it."

Evan laughed and shook his head. "While you daydream about that I gonna go make a video real quick and explain to everyone what's been going on with you and me. Don't worry I won't do details or anything crazy like that. Just a real simple explanation."

Jonathan nodded and he stuck his head out the door as Evan reached the room at the end of the hall,

"Hey, Evan."

"Yeah."

"Can you keep that other thing quiet, please?"

"What thing?"

"The me being bisexual thing."

"Dude, you're not bisexual." Evan said plainly and he saw Jonathan's face drop, so he continued before he got upset. "And you're not gay and you're not straight."

Jonathan was looking more and more confused and Evan grinned. "And neither am I. We're both just humans who like what they like."

Jonathan nodded slowly and grinned, "Okay." He ran his hand through his hair again and Evan liked the way it stuck up. "But not everyone thinks like you, Evan. Just don't tell the guys, I'll get shit for it if you do."

"I won't." Evan crossed his heart and turned back towards his room.

Jonathan went back to his boxes and he put away the ones full of knickknacks in the closet to be opened on a later date. He checked his texts and his messages were almost full, he forgot to tell Cartoonz what was going on. They were a few episodes away from finishing Battle Block Theater.  
>He replied to the ones he wanted to and deleted the others while he heard Evan talking faintly through the walls.<p>

* * *

><p>"Hey guys. Just wanted to give you a quick update. I know it's been a while, a week to be exact. I didn't mean to keep you guys waiting, but some very serious things came up. Personal things and like I've told you guys before, that takes priority."<p>

Evan paused trying to figure how to word things.

"I know some of you have been asking me in the comments if it has something to do with Delirious and it does. He hasn't been posting anything either and I'm not going to go into too much detail on the matter. All you need to know is that he was not safe where he was and he is now living here with me. I would, and he would, greatly appreciate it if you didn't ask him about what was going on. It's extremely personal and a very sensitive subject. All I ask is that you respect his privacy. He and I will both be posting videos soon probably by tomorrow or tomorrow evening. Things should be getting back to normal and we appreciate your support. So yeah, I love you guys. _We_ love you guys and we'll talk to you later."

He ended the recording and saved it before pulling up YouTube and submitting it at soon as possible. It was the shortest thing he'd ever posted but it was the most important.

The next few days went by smoothly and he was getting used to life with someone else in his house rather quickly. He enjoyed the company and Jonathan's cinnamon pancakes he made for breakfast on Friday. He'd received numerous amounts of comments and messages about the video. All of them were understanding and supportive. Hell, everyone thought it was awesome that they were living together. Life was fantastic.

* * *

><p>Evan heard his phone go off while they were eating dinner and watching a movie together that Jonathan insisted he watch. He was the fucking movie queen.<p>

"I told you Kevin Spacey is always the bad guy!" Evan pointed at the screen and Jonathan laughed.

"You want more or no?" Evan asked him as he stood and pulled his phone from his pocket. Jonathan handed him his plate.

"Yes, thank you." He paused the movie.

He answered the call as he walked to the kitchen, it was Brock. "What it do?"

"Nothin' much, homes. Sup with you guys?"

"Dinner and a movie." Evan said and before Brock could speak again he put in, "And you better not say what I know you were about to say!"

Brock laughed in his ear, "I wasn't gonna say anything!"

"I don't believe that. I counted on you when everyone else was jumping on the ship and you let me down, Brock." Evan joked.

"I'm not sorry, Evan. The way you describe him, you guys would be hot." Brock chuckled, "Tell him I said hi."

"Jonathan, Brock says hi!" He called out and held the phone out.

"Hey, Moo!" Jonathan hollered and Evan put the phone back to his ear.

"He's something else." Brock said and Evan nodded to himself.

"Yeah. He's a lot quieter in person."

"So. He's forcing you to watch movies. What are you watching?"

"Seven. The one with Kevin Spacey and the deadly sin murders. It's really good. It's sick but good."

"Yesss. Love Kevin Spacey. And what was for dinner?" Brock asked.

"Uh, let's see. We had steak, peas and green beans, mashed potatoes, and cornbread. And there's Ben & Jerry's in the freezer for dessert. That I don't have room for."

Brock whistled, "Shit yeah. Who cooked?"

"Jonathan. It's his favorite meal so he bought it all and cooked it." Evan looked over his shoulder at the back of Jonathan's head. It looked like he was on his phone. "Seriously, best food I've ever had."

"So I assume that means he got all of his things up there, including his funds?"

"Yeah, he did that the last couple of days. Got all his money transferred up here to my bank, and he got his address changed. So it's pretty official now. He lives here."

He could tell Brock was smiling, "That's awesome. You're a fucking great friend you know that right?"

"I'm trying to be."

"You are, Evan." Brock said. "Listen, you guys want to do some GMOD after your movie?"

"Who all's playing?"

"Mini, Tyler, and Nogla. Maybe Marcel."

"I'm down. Hang on a second." Evan covered the mouth piece.

"Hey, Delirious. You down for GMOD when this goes off?"

Jonathan turned his head and caught his eye and flashed him a brilliant smile that hit Evan harder than he ever expected a smile to.

"When am I ever _not_ up for GMOD?"

Evan pulled himself together and smiled back, "When you're watching a movie."

He patted the cushion beside him and laughed, "Yeah, so come on and let's finish it!"

"We're in, Brock. Movie has like twenty more minutes and we'll be on."

"Alright, see you then."

He ended the call and fetched their plates, sitting down next to Jonathan, who smiled at him again when he passed him his plate. Fuck that smile, his grin, those fucking dimples in his cheeks. Evan clenched his jaw. Jesus, what was wrong with him?

Evan wished he would stop. It was making him think and thinking made him anxious as fuck. He turned his eyes back to the tv.

* * *

><p>"Get the fuck out, Delirious!" Marcel screamed. "I was so fucking close!"<p>

Jonathan couldn't breathe he was laughing so hard. Evan was grabbing his side as he laughed and he could hear Tyler wheezing.

"It was an accident!" He giggled. "I swear!"

"Oh my fucking God!" Marcel continued to rage. "Evan! Fucking get up and go slap the shit out of him! God damn it!"

"What! No!" He laughed. "Evan don't listen to him!"

Evan went silent and Jonathan took his headset off. He could still hear the guys through the Skype call on the screen.

"Ooh shit! I've got money on Evan!" Brock yelled.

"Ha! I'm going for Delirious." He heard Mini.

Jonathan stood and flattened his back against the wall by the door when he heard steps in the hall on the hardwood floor.

He peered around the corner and saw Evan's white smile before he felt his hand hit his face. The slap was loud and he heard yells and cheers in the background.

"You bitch!" He yelled and took off after Evan who was hauling ass back down to his own room laughing. He caught him and they both fell hard onto the bed where he crawled on top of him, pinning him down. Evan looked up at him, a smile still plastered on his face. He was fucking gorgeous and Jonathan hated the feeling it gave him.

"Take it back!"

"Oh shit! They're in Evan's room now. I hear them on his mic." Nogla giggled.

"Never!" Evan yelled and pushed his arm out from under him so he fell to the side giving him an opportunity. He rolled them until he was hovering over him, pinning his arms down by the wrists.

"Ow! Be gentle with me!" Jonathan yelled and laughed as he tried to free himself.

"Jesus! What the fuck are you guys doing?!"

"Don't worry about it, Tyler!" Evan yelled. "I've got it under control!"

"This is entertaining as fuck. You guys should do it more often." Marcel said cracking up.

"Oh, Jesus. This is going on YouTube. This sounds so wrong!" Nogla laughed.

Jonathan snatched his arm from Evan's grasp and smacked his face while he had the chance.

"Oooooh! That was loud!" They heard from the computer.

Jonathan laughed, "Gotcha bitch!"

Evan stared at him for a moment and then broke into a grin. "Okay. We're even."

He got off of him and pulled him to his feet. Jonathan hissed and grabbed his side when he stood.

"Oh shit. Did I hurt you?" Evan asked, his face and tone serious all of a sudden.

"No, it's just my side. It's still a little tender."

Brock yelled over the monitor, "Kiss it and make it better, Evan!"

Evan rolled his eyes, "Guys . . ."

Jonathan grinned, "They're just fuckin' around, you know."

"Yeah, but they don't dog you about it like they dog me." Evan rubbed his face and sat in his computer chair. "Like yesterday Tyler wanted me to sneak in your room while you were sleeping and see what your ass looks like."

Jonathan threw his head back and laughed while Evan shook his head, grinning.

"Did you?" He asked and everyone burst into another fit of laughter. Evan was starting to get used to it, getting used to the gay jokes.

He smiled up at him and said, "I'll never tell."

Of course he hadn't actually snuck a peek at his ass. It was probably a nice ass based on what the rest of his body looked like. But, no, he didn't.

"You wanna see it? I'll show you."

Another set of screams rung out over the speakers and Evan swatted at Jonathan who dodged and ran off laughing down the hallway.

"And stay out! You pervert."

Evan put his headset back on and soon heard Jonathan back on his as well.

"Come on you guys, just kiss and make up." Mini teased.

"Craig, I swear I will end you."

"Alright, Evan!" Mini screamed when Evan pushed his character to a ledge and pointed a rocket at his face. "I'll stop! For now."

"Okay guys, we are never going to finish this map if we don't stop screwing around." Nogla chimed in.

"Don't you mean if Evan and Delirious don't stop screwing around?" Tyler said and Jonathan jumped on the scene and falcon punched him off the cliff they were edging along.

"Fuuuuck!"

"Bye, bitch!" He called out as Wildcat kept falling. "Hahaha!"

Evan laughed, "So evil, Delirious."

"Hey, just defending my property." Jonathan joked.

"Oooh! No he just didn't!" Brock snapped his fingers and Evan just sat there speechless.

He sighed, "Fuck it. Come on, baby. Let's leave these assholes in the dust. First to the finish wins."

"You got it, sweetheart." Delirious giggled as he and Evan ran for their lives through the maze that was ahead of them. Jonathan kept his eye on the back of Luigi's head, making sure he didn't lose Evan. They were going to win it together and show the guys they were the greatest couple that ever was even though they weren't a couple.

It was fucking stupid, but it was fun.

"Come on, Delirious! Jump! They're coming!" Evan yelled.

"Oh, Jesus! Shut up, I can't concentrate!" He yelled back.

The guys were gaining on them after falling into a pit of lava that Evan triggered to buy them time.

"Shit! Just go!" Jonathan yelled as he tried to jump across the floating rock canyon in front of him, but the rocks were fooling him and collapsing as soon as Buzz touched them. "Go, Evan! Leave me behind! You can make it for the both if us!"

Nogla burst into laughter, "Aaaaand queue the Titanic music."

"Haha! I see them!" Marcel screamed.

"I feel like this should be in slow motion right now. I mean, look how fucking sad and dramatic they look!" Tyler snorted.

"I think it's sweet." Brock cooed.

"Shut up! Come on, you can fucking make it, Delirious!" Evan was wiggling Luigi dramatically making Jonathan laugh uncontrollably.

"No! Stop wiggling, it's not helping!"

Mini practically squealed, "But it's romantic, your wiggling."

"Oh! Oh! Oh!" Jonathan made it halfway. "Yes! I'm fucking makin' it!"

"Yes! Come on, come on, come on." Evan's heart was racing which was hilarious because it never did that unless the game jump scared him. But he was determined to win this without cheating and killing everyone for the sake of a video.

Delirious took the last jump and landed beside him. "Fuck yeah! Hahaha! I thought you would leave me for real though."

"I'll never let go, Jack."

Tyler sounded like he was crying, "Oh my God." He tried to catch his breath. "I fucking love you guys."

"You created this!" Evan said accusingly.

Brock was gaining on them, "Yeah, but you didn't have to play along you know."

"Whatever! You guys are the most persistent bastards I know. It will never end, I may as well get comfy cozy with the way things are."

"Yes, may as well. Because this is golden material right here. You two will go far. I bet you the video you make out of this, and you better put all this good gay shit in there, I bet you it will end up being the most popular one on your channel." Mini stated and everyone agreed. "I shit you not."

"Ahhh! Evan, Moo's right fucking behind us." Jonathan yelled. "Oh God. I need to turn the fan on in here, it's hot as hell."

"Just breathe, Delirious! And keep running. We shouldn't be far from the end as long as the floor doesn't drop beneath us or zombies don't pop out of the walls." Evan was laughing until all of the above happened at once.

"Noooo!" They fell for an eternity it seemed until they landed on a white square in the midst of the darkness and credits started to roll as the zombies danced around them.

"Really? That's it?" Jonathan deadpanned.

"Oh my fuck. All that hard work and determination and romance! And this is what we get for it?!"  
>Evan yelled and the guys joined them shortly at the bottom and rolled in the disappointment.<p>

"Who cares?" Tyler said, "I just can't wait to see what you make out of all this. Like, go right now and start making a video. I'm excited as fuck!"

"Yes. Evan. Go!" Marcel joked.

"I'm just gonna say that I called it!" Nogla called out.

"Called what?"

"This pairing, this ship. I called it, I created it. Like an entire year ago. If you fucks had watched my videos you would know!"

Mini giggled, "Ohh. I know the video you're talking about. I remember that! Nogla is a match maker, ladies and gents."

"I'm leaving. Talk to you guys tomorrow. You are all fucking insane." Evan said and before anyone could retaliate he exited the game and closed his Skype call.

He could hear Jonathan laughing and talking quietly in his room. "No way. He's a total ladies man, there is absolutely no possibility whatsoever that he would be down for that. Ever. Just text me, Brock. Bye."

Jonathan saved the recording and cut everything off. He'd go through it all tomorrow and then make a Battle Block video. His phone went off when he got done brushing his teeth and was getting a glass of water in the kitchen

_"You really think he wouldn't at least be up for trying it?"_ Brock asked and Jonathan looked up and watched Evan come down the stairs.

_"I don't know, but it's already hard for me to not look at him all the fucking time. I know it's going to get worse the longer I'm around him." _Jonathan glanced back up from his phone to see Evan bite into an apple.

_"Don't worry about it. He's already got it in his head and now that he knows you like guys, he'll think about it even more. Eventually it will get to him and he'll wonder what it's all about. Well, that's how it worked for me. And besides, Evan is opened minded."_ Brock replied.

Jonathan bit at his thumb then ran a hand through his hair while he tried to keep his eyes down and off of Evan who was leaning against the island counter on his phone.

_"We'll see."_

He set his phone down and Evan looked up before walking over beside him. "Let me see your tattoo."

"Why?"

"Because it's really cool and I haven't got to see it properly." Evan raised a brow him and grinned when Jonathan groaned and pulled his shirt over his head. He turned into the light so Evan could see it.

"So. It's like . . . a tree made out of smoke?" Evan ran his finger up his arm and Jonathan swallowed. "With lots of different things blended into it."

"Pretty much."

"Who designed it?"

"I did." Jonathan bit his tongue when Evan's finger met his neck. He could feel the goosebumps starting to rise. "It's a huge collage of everything I like."

He turned his head and pointed out certain things to Evan. A hockey mask, an Xbox controller, a hidden teddy bear, owls, and countless other things. They were all creatively entwined together to look like a tree that was swirled around in every directions.

"The tree was my mother's idea."

Evan grinned, "It was a good one. This is cool as shit. I would never be able to come up with something like this. Which is why I still don't have a tattoo."

"It took me a few months to draw it all out, but even longer to get it done because I was driving out of state to a really good artist. It took me about five trips until he finished completely. The shading took the longest." Jonathan shrugged. "I really want to do another one, maybe on my other arm. Or my chest."

Evan nodded and them grabbed himself a glass from the cabinet. "Chest would be cool. Maybe you can make up something for me and we'll go get one done together."

"Seriously?" Jonathan gaped at him.

"Yeah, seriously." Evan laughed. "Why? Something wrong with that?"

Jonathan shook his head, "No, I just think . . . that it'd be awesome." He smiled and he saw Evan's fingers tighten around his glass. He caught his eye and Evan grinned again.

"Good. No rush, just whatever you want to do. I'm sure I love it no matter what you come up with." He sat his glass in the sink. "I'm gonna start editing, if you want to help me."

"I'd love to, sweetheart." He said and Evan swatted at his face but he dodged to the side laughing.

Evan shook his head, "Come on, hot stuff."

* * *

><p>Jonathan followed him up the stairs and to his room where they sat up for hours saving clips of the game, finding music, adding text, laughing at the shit all over again. They had it done by the time the sun came up.<p>

"Well, that's the fastest I've ever done a video." Evan said as he sat back and rubbed his eyes.

"Yeah, it went by pretty quick with two people. Usual takes me an entire day." Jonathan said before a yawn crawled its way up his throat.

"Sleepy time. I'm so delirious right now." He said and Evan nodded in agreement before loading the video onto YouTube.

"High five, man. We're fucking awesome." Evan slapped his hand and pulled him to his feet.

"Hell yeah we are. Sweet dreams, Evan." Jonathan smiled at him before heading down the hall to his bed that had been calling his name for the past four hours.

"I'm here, bed. I'm here." He wrapped the blankets around himself and drifted off into sleep. It wasn't until noon that he woke up to Evan falling onto his bed.

"Ugh." He pulled the covers over his head. "What do you want?"

"Check this out." Evan said and he pulled the covers back. He put his phone in front of his face.

Jonathan squinted and read it again. "Holy shit!"

"Yeah, holy shit!" Evan laughed, "Eight million views overnight! And it's still going up."

"That's awesome!" Jonathan smiled and propped himself up on his elbow. "So, what are you gonna do next?"

"Well, I was thinking we could continue our love affair across games. Maybe some GTA?" He grinned down at him.

Jonathan gave a small laugh and ran his hand through his hair, "Yeah, that sounds good to me."

"You hit five million subscribers by the way." Evan watched his face as he processed what he just said. He sat up in the bed.

"You fucking with me, Evan?"

"No." He laughed when Jonathan jumped up and ran to his computer where his YouTube was already pulled up. Evan had tiptoed in earlier before he woke him up and turned it on.

"Fuck yeah." He put his hands in the air and laughed his signature laugh. "Yesss! Yes! Yes!"

Evan watched him for the rest of the day. The smile never completely left Jonathan's face. That stupidly sexy smile.

Yes, it was sexy. It was so fucking pretty Evan couldn't stand it. He couldn't stand that he thought about it at all. Or that he continued to think about it for days, and then weeks. A month.

* * *

><p>It was February and his and Delirious' channels had blown up incredibly fast. He had another million and Delirious was up to almost seven.<p>

The fans were loving everything they did together and he was loving it too. Delirious was the funniest one to play with. But Jonathan was not an idiot like he was while playing games. He was actually pretty quiet until Evan got him riled up and laughing.

"I dumb myself down when I play. I get excited and half the time I'm tired as shit so that makes me sound even more crazy. And that's what everyone looks at me as and expects of me when I play. So that's how I am." Jonathan told him one day.

Evan just laughed and said to him later that day, "Hey, I was thinking."

And Jonathan looked up at from where he was laying on his stomach on Evan's bed, phone in hand while Evan edited more videos. "You? Thinking? Call the press!"

Evan threw his pen at him and Jonathan smiled and Evan felt that same anxious feeling every time. He was getting used it.

"Sorry. What were you thinking?"

"I was thinking that we could start a new game together. Something we can do co-op, just me and you."

"Yeah." Jonathan sat up on the bed. "That's my favorite. Actually. When we played Dead Rising, that was so much fun."

"Yeah, it was. I just got to thinking about and we haven't done that in a long time." Evan bit at his lip. "I know that's kind of yours and Cartoonz' thing . . . I don't know. I just thought I'd ask."

Jonathan shrugged, "Cartoonz has other friends that he plays with. I think he'll understand if I want to play with you instead sometimes. It's not like we're kicking him off the playground and throwing dirt in his face."

Evan threw his head back and laughed before he turned back to his computer monitors. "Okay. If you say so."

Jonathan propped himself up on Evan's pillows that smelled like Old Spice and awesome mixed together.

"Oh yeah." Evan spun around again. "I know we don't go out much, just because we've been snowed in these past few weeks, but maybe next Wednesday you can go down to the rink with me?"

Jonathan searched his face for any sign of trickery but found none, "You know I can't ice skate to save my life."

Evan nodded, "I know."

"Then why would you-"

"Because I want to teach you." Evan grinned and leaned forward. "It'll be fun. I promise."

Jonathan pursed his lips in fake thought. He'd never say no to Evan, even if he asked him to turn his favorite movie off on the best part. He sighed dramatically and Evan broke into a pretty smile.

"Fine. I'll go."


	4. Chapter 4

"You lied, Evan." Jonathan said while he stared at the lights overhead from where he was lying flat on his back on the cold hard ice.

Evan slid over to him and stared down at him smiling. "I did not."

"You promised this would be fun." Jonathan narrowed his eyes at him. "But here I am flat on the ice. My ass is probably bruised and the children are laughing at me."

"Don't be such a grump, Jonathan. You're not the only one who is busting his ass out here. And they're laughing because it's funny not because they think you're stupid." Evan reached down and grabbed his hand and started to pull him up slow, letting him gain some traction with the skates. "Like I told you, it's all about balance. Once you get it, you've got it. It can't be unlearned. It might take you some time to find it, but I'll get you there."

Jonathan grabbed his shoulders when he was finally standing tall again. Evan held him by his arms as he wobbled and started to skate backwards, pulling Jonathan with him. "I promise. You'll be skating like an Olympic athlete by the time I'm done with you."

"I'll hold you to it." He grinned and nearly lost his balance.

"Focus on not putting your weight on the inside or outside of the skate. That's what makes you unsteady and wobbly." Evan let him go and glided backwards with ease.

"Don't leave me, you jerk."

Evan just smiled and held his hand out for him. But he was a good distance away and Jonathan knew as soon as he pushed off he would slip and bust his ass for the tenth time.

"Don't force it, let your foot slide in front of you and to the side. Now, come here."

Jonathan bit at his lip and focused on Evan's hand and tried his hardest not to push off hard, instead he let the skate gently slide in front of him and moved forward. His weight was evenly placed and to his surprise his other foot followed without a problem.

"Hi." He said and laughed as he wrapped his fingers around Evan's.

"See. That wasn't so hard. If you'd just listen to me. Now, do it again." Evan let his hand go and moved further away.

"I was listening to you. But my feet wouldn't listen to you. They don't have ears, so you can't blame them." He said and Evan laughed as Jonathan started to skate toward him. He wasn't as smooth as Evan was but at least he wasn't wobbling anymore. Just as he was about to touch his hand again, Evan moved even further away.

"And don't kick your feet out behind you like you're wearing roller blades, because you will fall forward and bust your face open. I learned that the hard way." Evan grinned and moved back again. Jonathan was biting his tongue and concentrating so hard. His nose was red with cold and his cheeks were flushed.

Jonathan eventually stopped reaching for him and just started to skate toward him. He evened out after a while and just started to glide calmly around the rink, letting his legs get familiar with the movement. Evan leaned against the railing and watched him make smooth circles.

Jonathan glanced back and realized that the kids had been following him, for how long, he didn't know.

"Hey! What are you creeps doing back there?"

They laughed and started to skate faster towards him. "Ahh! No!"

Jonathan picked up the pace, making sure he didn't lose his balance or kick his feet behind him like Evan told him not to.

Evan was laughing when he flew past him with the kids still on his trail. "Evan! Did you put them up to this?!"

"Why would I do such a thing?" He called out, still laughing.

"Because, you're evil and like to torture me!" He cried out as he passed him again. Evan felt the wind coming off of him.

"It's good practice!"

Jonathan laughed and kept going, making his corners carefully but quickly so his feet didn't come out from beneath him.

"Eat my dust, suckers!"

"Get him!" The kids screamed and laughed as they tried their best to keep up. Evan was right and Jonathan was smiling from ear to ear. He'd found his balance and he didn't lose it again. He was no where near as good as Evan but he had the basics down and that was enough for now.

He slowed down until he wasn't hardly moving, then he dropped to the ice and laid on his back. A small weight fell on top of him and then another. And one more after that. The kids were giggling as they made a tiny dog pile on top of him. He flailed his arms dramatically.

"Help! I've fallen and I can't get up!"

Evan laughed at him until he had tears in his eyes. The kids eventually got off of him and tried to pull him to his feet. He high fived them when they finally did and two of the little girls took him by the hand and started to pull him along for a ride.

"Who's your friend?"

Evan turned to find Vanessa standing on the other side of the wall watching her girl drag Jonathan along the ice. Vanessa was the granddaughter of the man who owned the rink. He'd met her when they were in middle school and they'd been good friends ever since. She brushed her blonde hair away from her face and waved at her baby when they passed by with Jonathan in tow.

"I'm being held captive." He whispered at Evan. "There's a ransom of cookies and hot chocolate."

"No, I think you want cookies and hot chocolate. Am I right?" Evan asked him and Jonathan looked back at him with that damn smile and nodded.

Evan shook his head and grinned at Vanessa. "That's Jonathan. My housemate, he moved here from North Carolina."

"Oh. Well, he's adorable." She grinned. "Is he single?"

"Yeah." Evan raised a brow at her, "But probably not looking to mingle."

"Oh, he's one of those quiet guys like you that likes to stay inside and be antisocial." She teased.

"Yes, he is actually." Evan held a finger up at her. "And for your information, Ness, I am extremely social compared to what I used to be."

"This is true, and you still don't have any attraction towards me at all I assume?"

"Correct." He smiled and she giggled. It was a question she always asked and his answer was always the same.

"Kate! Time is up, let's go home." She called and her girl dropped her head in disappointment.

"But we're having fun, Mom!"

"No, you're torturing the poor guy."

"But it's fun!"

Evan laughed and Vanessa sighed, "I've created a monster."

The other kids were already leaving with their parents but Kate was clinging to Jonathan. He leaned down and said, "Hey, Kate. I'll be here next Wednesday."

She broke into a smile, "Me, too!"

"Well I'll see you then, partner." He grinned and held his hand out and she high-fived him. Kate then reached up for him and Evan felt his insides grow warm when Jonathan picked her up and glided their way with her resting on his hip.

"Your offspring, malady." Jonathan grinned and passed Kate to her mother.

"Thank you for keeping her entertained." Vanessa smiled at him and Evan could see Jonathan drawing in on himself. Ava didn't lie when she said he was shy. Although he seemed to be fine around children.

"No problem." He rubbed the back of his neck and glanced at Evan.

He took the hint and said, "Alright, Ness. We'll see you two next week."

"Absolutely. Tell them bye, Kate."

Her girl smiled and waved as they walked off, "Bye!"

Jonathan smiled back at her and gave a small wave before sticking his hands in his pockets. He looked over at Evan.

"Sooo. What now?"

"You want to try skating backwards?"

Jonathan took to the ice and stuck his arms in the air like a ballerina, pretending to twirl. He giggled to himself, "Maybe next time. My ass hurts, gotta let this baby heal."

He winked at Evan and started skating around the rink, testing out how to make sharp turns and sudden stops. Evan joined him and they went in circles around each other for a while before he grabbed his hand, gripped it tight and started them spinning in a tight circle going faster and faster. It felt like a merry-go-round to Jonathan and he was laughing until Evan finally let up. Then the vertigo hit him hard and his feet went one way while his body went the other.

"Oh come on!"

Evan was laughing, but was laid out on the ice beside him watching the ceiling spin until it slowed to a stop.

"We need to come up with a good skit for GTA tonight." Evan said as they lay sprawled on the ice together. "Something for Valentine's Day."

Jonathan nodded. "Yeah, it would be awesome if Rockstar put out another DLC and gave us a bow and arrow. We could ride around in the car we had last year and have someone dressed as Cupid, but instead of shooting people so they fall in love, they start killing everybody. Just have a big rampage going on. That'd be pretty cool."

Evan gave a laugh, "Yeah that would be awesome." He sat up and looked over at him, "We can still do that. Just improvise on the weapon."

Jonathan smiled and sat up, "Okay, but you owe me pizza. And maybe some alcohol."

"Alright." Evan got to his feet and helped Jonathan up. "Whatever you want."

* * *

><p>"Ha!" Marcel laughed as he shot someone else in the foot, "Now go my minions! Fight to the death!"<p>

Evan was hiding behind a dumpster with Jonathan and they were snickering to themselves, "I didn't know cupid was half black."

"Shut up, you racist bastards!" Marcel yelled, "I'm coming for you."

"Come on, Delirious. Let's go over there." Evan tried to gesture upward so he wouldn't give it away to Marcel. "He can't get us if we go there."

"Where?!"

"Just follow me. Hurry!"

Evan took off down the alleyway and up a ladder when he rounded the corner. Jonathan was right behind him. They had been at this for about thirty minutes. Marcel was the evil Cupid, dressed in nothing but his white underwear and the Cupid mask. The rules were that he had to ride on the side of the vehicle and shoot whoever he found and once they had been tagged they had to start shooting the next person they saw until they died and then it started all over again.

So far everyone had died at least once and Tyler had swapped places with Brock as Marcel's driver so everyone had a chance to be prey. It took Evan forever to get to Jonathan because they kept having to dodge and hide from Cupid. But once they finally got to each other, they stuck together and watched each other's back.

Jonathan was right behind him as they continued to climb until they reached the roof. They both ran to edge and peered down as Tyler came drifting around the corner with Marcel hanging off the side looking creepy as hell waving his pistol around.

"Hey! You're cheating!"

Evan laughed, "No. No we're not."

"We're using our surroundings." Jonathan giggled and jumped back when Marcel shot at him. He missed and cursed.

"Damn it! Turn around Tyler!"

"As you wish my Lord." Tyler said and whipped the car around.

"Hang on. I got this." Marcel said and Evan watched him pull out his in game phone.

"What are you doing, Cupid?" Jonathan asked and they watched as a helicopter appeared in the distance.

"Haha! I'm improvising, bitches." Marcel snickered and jumped off the car when the chopper landed. "Pilot!"

"I'll do it." Brock came out of nowhere and relieved Tyler of his duties. Tyler gave him a salute and he ran off to hide while Brock got them in the air.

"Guys! Get over here. I sense an epic standoff about to go down. Cupid called a chopper." Tyler laughed. Lui and Mini showed up and Brock finally took them high enough so that Marcel could fire at Evan and Jonathan.

"Abrasive maneuvers, Delirious!" Evan laughed and they started running in zigzags across the rooftop as bullets danced around their feet.

"Evan!" Jonathan yelled and dove in front if him. "This is where you queue in some dramatic music, okay?"

"Why?"

"Because I just took a bullet for you."

"How fucking romantic is that?" Craig laughed and gave a fake sniffle.

"Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Delirious, don't kill me!" Evan said while Marcel was perfecting his evil laugh in the background.

"Kill him! Do thy bidding my minion!"

"This is epic." Lui was laughing as he watched with MiniLadd on the adjacent building.

"Ahhh! Damn it!" Jonathan yelled and pointed his gun at Evan who put up his hands.

"It's okay, I'll forgive you. Just do what you have to do, Delirious." Evan said in a sad resigned voice. Brock giggled as he kept the chopper hovering over the building.

"Do as I command! Can't you feel the urge to kill running through your veins?!" Marcel said and Delirious was walking closer and closer to the edge of the building.

"Yes. But, I can't pull the trigger." He said dramatically. "I won't!"

"Kill me, Delirious. Do it! Just make it quick!"

"No!" Jonathan was doing amazing. He actually sounded torn. He stepped on the edge. "I'd rather kill myself!"

"Wait!" Evan walked over to him and stood on the edge beside him. Jonathan put his gun down and the boys went quiet. "If you go, I go." Evan said seriously.

"Together?" Delirious asked.

"Together." Evan turned around and walked back a bit. "Let's get a headstart."

"Too bad there's not a gesture for kissing." Tyler said and everyone laughed.

"Or holding hands." Lui said.

"Or crying." Mini giggled.

"Okay Delirious. Take off your mask. I want to see your face one last time." Evan said and Delirious' mask disappeared to reveal his clown make-up and Evan almost snorted on a laugh.

"Shut up." Jonathan chuckled to himself.

"Sorry. You're just so . . . beautiful."

"Hahahaha!" Jonathan died laughing and everyone was rolling for two whole minutes before they got quiet again.

"Okay. Guys. Come on, lets finish this skit." Evan was wiping his eyes.

"Alright, alright." Jonathan stood beside him. "On three. One. Two. Three!"

They took off running and he knew he would have to make this scene in slow motion. They reached the edge and Evan stopped, "Wait!"

Delirious skid to a stop an inch short of his death, "Jesus Christ! What?"

"I need to tell you something."

"Then say it!"

Evan took a deep breath for dramatic effect and he said his next words in a rush, "I was the one who ate your last two cookies even though I made you believe that you ate them and just didn't remember."

Everyone gave an exaggerated gasp and all was quiet until Jonathan said, "You . . . you lied to me, Evan? If you wanted the fucking cookies I would have let you have them, all you had to do was ask."

"Oh." Evan stated, "Well, fuck."

Then he walked off the building to his death, Jonathan landed a second later as nothing but a splatter of blood and limbs.

"Aaaaand cut!" Marcel said. "Land the chopper, Brock. I'm sweating in this damn mask. Where's my hair dresser?!"

Lui put on his squeaker voice and said, "I'm coming, Marcel, sir. Sorry, sir!"

"Alright guys, let's take a breather." Evan stood and stretched, "Reconvene in ten."

He pulled his shirt over his head and slipped on some sweatpants and before he could get out of his room he heard his name.

"Evan, you dick!"

He stood at the top of the stairs and saw Jonathan in the kitchen, "What did I do?"

"Exactly what you said you did!" He turned around and gave Evan the stink eye as he came down the stairs. Evan smiled.

"You really ate my cookies! I thought you were fucking joking!"

Evan didn't say a word, he just walked in the kitchen and opened a cabinet, feeling Jonathan's eyes burning holes in the back of his head. He pulled out a brand new pack of cookies that he had gone out of his way to hide just for this moment. He even stuck a red bow on top.

He turned around and held it out in front of him, "Happy Valentine's Day, you dork."

Jonathan just stood there with a blank stare on his face until his lips betrayed him and the corners of his mouth stretched from ear to ear.

Evan's heart hammered and he felt hot all of sudden. Like, really fucking hot. So hot he thought he could feel sweat beading up on his skin.

Jesus, fuck. Was he sick? Running fever? He didn't know, he felt fine.

He swallowed thickly and exhaled when Jonathan's fingers brushed against his when he took the cookies from him.

"Thank you." He said, still smiling until he slid his teeth over his bottom lip and a small fire lit itself where it shouldn't have at the base of Evan's stomach. No, that was definitely not a fever. That was something else he was scared to even think about it.

"You're welcome."

"I didn't get you anything though."

"You don't need to."

"But, I will." Jonathan opened the fresh packet and nearly moaned when he bit into the cookie. "These are so fucking good it should be illegal."

"And they're only found in Canada, baby."

Jonathan rolled his eyes, "Yeah, yeah. Keep gloating about your country." He grinned. "I've got to admit though, you guys have some pretty cool shit here."

"I know. I mean," Evan pointed at himself, "I'm here. What more does Canada need?"

"Some coke, violence, and bathrooms." Jonathan said with a wicked grin and Evan just laughed knowing exactly what he meant: Pop, peace, and washrooms. All staples of Canada.

"Are you okay?" Jonathan asked suddenly.

"Fine, why?"

"Your skin is super flushed." Jonathan pressed his palm against Evan's bare chest. "And you're burning up. Fuck."

Evan inhaled at his touch, his fingers were cold and felt like a breath of fresh air. If Jonathan felt his racing heart he showed no sign.

"I'm just really hot." He said and rubbed the back of his neck, his hand coming back slick with a thin layer of sweat. "Nothing to worry about."

"If you say so." Jonathan shrugged and put his cookies away. "Let's get back, they're probably waiting."

"Yeah." Evan gave a small nod, his mind was still trying to process what the fuck just happened and what was still happening as he stood there watching the way Jonathan's shoulder blades moved beneath his skin as he walked away. The way the light cast a small shadow on him had his eyes following the line of his spine down to the hollow of his back.

He blinked and snapped himself out of it, forcing his legs to move long enough to get him up the stairs and into his room. The guys were already gearing up for more and they spent the next two hours in complete and utter chaos, killing each other in the most outrageous ways.

* * *

><p>The daze he'd been in eventually worked itself out and he didn't think about it until the next morning when he witnessed a half asleep Delirious walking down the hall in nothing but black briefs and an adorably confused look on his face. He stopped when he saw Evan and blinked slowly a few times before walking back into his bedroom and crawling back under the covers.<p>

Evan stood there for a minute before he turned back around and got in his own bed and stared at the ceiling for two more hours, until the sun was completely up, until the image of Jonathan's body was wiped from his brain.

For days he almost sent Brock a text.

_"I need some advice."_

But, he never could talk himself into sending it. He debated for weeks as the heat got worse the more time he spent with Jonathan. It got the point where he was used to being on edge, feeling like he was losing air at the most inconvenient times. Like when they were watching a movie and Jonathan stood and stretched his long arms above his head and Evan couldn't keep his eyes off of the exposed skin of his stomach. Nor could he stop following the line of his hip or wonder where it might lead to if . . . . no.

It was March and Evan hit send.

_E- "I need some advice. Or your opinion. I just need your fucking help in general, Brock."_

_B- "Sure. What's up?"_

_E- "I'm losing my fucking mind."_

_B- "Explain."_

_E- "I don't know how to. It's Jonathan."_

_B- "He pissing you off? Or something else?"_

_E- "Something else."_

_B-"He eating all your food?"_

_E- "No. I've been feeling a certain way around him. I don't know what it is or what it means. But it's been like this for 3 months and it's scaring the fuck out of me."_

Brock was slow to reply and Evan rubbed his eyes as he lay in his bed. His heart was already running away with his confession but he trusted Brock with this, and only Brock. He took a deep breath when his phone finally buzzed.

_B- "What have you been feeling?"_

He thought for moment.

_E- "Well, I get really warm sometimes, almost to the point where I'm sweating. Or sometimes I get a terrible anxiousness and it crawls up my throat and I feel like ripping my hair out. Or his. I don't know."_

_B- "And when does this happen? Just when you're around him or is it under certain circumstances?"_

_E- "Well, I'm always around him. But it's mostly when we're doing things together, like a movie, or going out to eat, or just walking around town. Either way, it's when I look at him. Like, when I really really look at him. Or if he's standing there in front of me with that fucking smile of his. Sometimes it's just the way he moves. What the fuck is wrong with me?"_

_B- "Wow. Evan, nothing is wrong with you. Have you ever considered the fact that you might be attracted to him? I mean, did you even read what you just sent me? Everything you said is just classic attraction, just like how some guys like it when a girl brushes her hair behind her ear, it's the same thing. Just, it's a guy. And there is nothing wrong with that. At all."_

Evan's head was starting to hurt from thinking about it. Before he could reply, his phone started to ring. He answered.

"Evan, listen. I went through the same thing you're going through. There was a guy that I always passed by on campus and I always looked for him, every day. And I didn't know why, until one day he made eye contact with me and he grinned." Brock huffed a laugh. "Like, the butterflies I had were unreal and I started thinking about it. There was nothing holding me back from being attracted to a guy, it was just in my head that I was supposed to be with girls."

Evan finally spoke, "What did you do?"

"I asked him out a few days later. We had coffee on campus. We got to know each other then we went out a few times. Kissed. And it was good. Really good. Didn't work out, but my point is that there is a whole new experience out there waiting for you if just realize that you don't have sexual boundaries. If you can just admit to yourself that you can be attracted to a guy and that the world isn't gonna end, you'll feel loads better. About everything. I swear to you, Evan."

Brock heard Evan sigh, frustrated. "Evan, I'm not saying you're in love with him. I'm just saying that you are very attracted to him. Just say it out loud."

Evan opened his mouth then shut it and opened it again before pulling at his hair, "I . . . am attracted to Jonathan." He sighed out of relief. "Yeah. I'm really fucking attracted to him. If he smiled at you the way he smiles at me, you'd be attracted to him, too."

Brock gave a laugh, "I believe you. Do you feel better?"

Evan sat up and crossed his legs in front of him, his free hand rubbing at his cold feet. He thought for a moment and he looked around his quiet room. The world wasn't ending, he still felt like the same person, he still felt the same towards Jonathan. But he had a new found appreciation for him and his sexuality. It was a new feeling, it was freeing to admit it to himself that he could be attracted to a guy just like he was to a girl.

"Hang on a second." He put his phone down and walked down the hall to Jonathan's room and opened the door to find him sitting at his monitor, editing a video. His headset was on tight and he could hear music flowing through his ears. Jonathan was moving his head slowly to the tranquil beat and Evan just watched for a moment. He watched his silhouette, the outline of his face from the side. He was so relaxed. His lips would pull back into a smile every so often when he came across a funny clip. Evan felt that heat again, but this time it wasn't unwelcome, it wasn't confusing.

It was Jonathan. And it was nice.

He closed the door without a sound and went back to his room putting his phone back to his ear. He grinned. "Yeah. I feel better."

* * *

><p>"Hell yes!" Jonathan yelled and it echoed around the empty rink. He was skating like a fucking pro and now he could turn around at will and skate backwards. It was the most exhilarating feeling he'd ever had in his life. It was the rush of wind in his face as the skates glided smoothly across the flawless ice. If he closed his eyes he felt like he was on a fucking cloud. He finally understood why Evan put as much time into it as he could. But to finally be able to be out here with him and be able to keep up and enjoy himself without busting his ass was pure heaven.<p>

"I told you." Evan smirked at him.

Jonathan just beamed, "Yeah, you did. Sorry I ever doubted you."

"I forgive you. As long as you buy me pizza for dinner."

"Ha! Yeah, okay." Jonathan rubbed the back of his neck as he kept a steady pace with Evan. "Whatever you want."

He'd give him the fucking world if he asked.

"I have a question for you and you don't have to answer it. I'm just curious." Evan finally said. He'd been thinking of when and how to bring it up for the past two days and he would probably still be wondering if it weren't for Brock and his persistent nagging. _Just ask him._

"Ask away."

Evan kept pace with Jonathan as they continued making laps around the ice. "Uhm." He ran a hand through his hair, "When did you know that you liked guys?"

Jonathan looked at him and grinned, "That only took you three months to ask."

Evan laughed, "Yeah, I just didn't want to ask straight away. Didn't want you to think I didn't approve of it or you know. I don't fucking know."

"No. I get it. It's a weird question to ask." Jonathan stuck his hands in his pockets and started to skate backwards so he could look at him. "First time I realized I liked guys. Uh, it was a guy that I had known for a while. He moved away for a long time and he came back and I was really happy because, you know, I missed him. He was one of my only friends. But anyway, he came back and when I saw him, he smiled at me. Just an ordinary smile, but it hit me so fucking hard . . . I didn't know what to do."

Evan locked eyes with him and he knew exactly what he meant, knew exactly what he felt. He finally looked away from those blue eyes and Jonathan continued.

"His name was Noah. Noah Hansen."

Evan snapped his eyes back to his, "You mean the one you grew up with? The bookstore owner's son?"

Jonathan nodded and glanced at his feet. Evan saw something else when he looked back up at him. Sad. He was sad, but then there was a fire behind his eyes and he seemed angry, regretful, when he spun on his skates away from him.

"Jonathan." Evan lunged forward and caught his arm, "What happened?"

Jonathan looked at the ceiling and closed his eyes, "He ruined me."

"How?"

"He was so good. _We_ were so good. And if you asked me what my preference was, I'd tell you both. And I still believe that but when it comes down to physical relationships, I'd rather be with a guy." Jonathan rubbed his face and took a deep breath. "It's hard to explain."

Evan held arms hands out, "It's just me and you here. Try."

"Alright." Jonathan put his hand on Evan's chest and they slid to a slow stop. "Everything with a woman is great, it's sexy and hot and all diamonds and everything pink and shit. But with a guy it's so much more intense because you both have that little voice in the back of your mind telling you that you shouldn't be doing it. And that makes it infinitely hotter with everything you do. Once I got to feel that, I didn't want anything else."

Evan wanted to say that he understood, but he didn't. He'd never felt that, never experienced it for himself. Because he'd never been with a guy. But he wasn't about to go run out and find one.

Not yet.

"So why didn't you stay together?" Evan asked him instead and Jonathan grinned and shrugged.

"He ended up being a real asshole, then he just fuckin' got up and left one day. Haven't seen his sorry ass since."

"Douche bag." Evan said and Jonathan smiled.

"Let's go, man. I'm tired." He rubbed his eyes, "We still have three videos to edit."

"Yeah, I think I'd rather just watch a movie." Evan smirked and Jonathan giggled as he unlaced his skates.

"No, we need to get it done. And then we can watch a movie."

They walked quietly side by side to the car until Jonathan looked up at the sky as it turned a brilliant shade of purple. The clouds were pink, slowly melting into an orange. "That's pretty."

He looked back down to find Evan staring at him, a blank expression, in thought perhaps. Jonathan couldn't name it but it stirred something in his chest as he got caught in his gaze. "What?"

Evan blinked and finally looked down at his hands before unlocking the door, he looked back up, "Nothing."

* * *

><p>April came and went and Evan felt normal again. He and Jonathan continued to work their way comfortably into each other's lives and he wasn't surprised with how close they had become. Or how nonchalant they were with each other compared to a month ago.<p>

Jonathan stopped sending him a five a.m. text on Mondays. Instead he chose to sneak into Evan's room and get as close as he could and whisper, "Good morning, bitch."

And it scared the shit out of Evan every time. Until the one Monday that Evan was so fucking tired and irritated that when he heard Jonathan next to his bed and leaning in close to him, he reached out and pulled him down. Jonathan had flailed and fought but Evan held him in place until he stopped moving.

Evan mumbled, "Good morning, bitch."

Jonathan was lying half on him, half off and the weight of his body was nice. It wasn't even twenty seconds before he was asleep again and he woke hours later still feeling that warm weight against his chest. Jonathan's hair was in his face and he was breathing deep and soft, his arm flopped over Evan's stomach. Evan thought he would feel something other than content to just lay there all day until Jonathan woke up. He caught himself tracing a finger over the tattoo on Jonathan's arm, following the swirls of branches that led to the smooth pale skin of his neck. Jonathan flinched, his fingers tightening around his middle. Evan waited until he was still and felt sleep dragging his eyes closed again. But when he woke the next time, Jonathan was gone.

When Monday rolled around again, Evan didn't expect him to come into his room, but at five o'clock on the dot his door opened and he would have been lying if he said he hadn't been laying awake waiting for him. He turned his head to see the familiar shape of his best friend standing beside his bed. He didn't bother leaning in. He didn't bother trying to scare him. He just said, "Good morning, bitch."

Evan could feel him hesitating and the word left his mouth before he gave it permission to, "Stay."

That was all Jonathan needed and he crawled under the covers next to Evan and didn't really know what to do from there. But he lost his awkward thoughts when Evan found his arm and pulled him towards him. Jonathan let his head fall on his chest and his arm across his stomach just as it had the week before and he sighed. It was all he needed, the warm presence of his friend to help him fall asleep. To keep his dark dreams at bay. The dreams he'd never tell Evan about, the ones that kept him up every night.

It was like that from then on out. Every Monday they shared the same bed and body heat, but they never talked about it and it worked. It was the best sleep either one of them got. And at times Evan thought maybe it was more than just attraction he felt toward him, but he never lingered on the thought for too long, because he was afraid to go there just yet.

* * *

><p>"Hey, Jonathan. Did you check the mail?"<p>

"I did." He said, not looking up from his laptop as he sat at the island counter in the kitchen. "It's by the fridge."

Evan walked around him, getting a whiff of the soap he bathed with. It smelled like pine and it buzzed in his head. "You smell delicious."

"Thank you." Jonathan looked at him from the corner of his eye and grinned.

"Have you seen any of my bills?" Evan asked as he tossed the junk mail in the trash. "Should've been here yesterday."

"Yes. It's taken care of."

He turned around and eyeballed his friend. "Taken care of? As in, _you_ took care of it?"

"Yes." Jonathan was resting his chin in his hand and chewing on a piece of gum while he looked at Evan, waiting.

"Why?"

Jonathan sat back and gave a small laugh, "Why?" He looked around dramatically and shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe because you've been letting me live with you for the past five months. Maybe because you buy me dinner all the time. Maybe because you let me sleep with you on Mondays. Or maybe because you're just the best thing that's ever happened to me and I'd like to do something nice for you every once in a while. Like pay your bills."

Evan just stood there stunned until Jonathan got up and slapped him lightly on the face, "I'm saying thank you, you idiot."

He opened the fridge and poured himself a glass of sweet tea that he'd made. Evan had cursed him for getting him addicted to it but still begged for more when it was gone.

"Alright." Evan finally said once he got over the fact that Jonathan said he was best thing that ever happened to him, "I appreciate it."

Jonathan brushed past him and looked back with a smirk on his face, "You smell delicious, too."

Evan grinned and he almost let his stare linger too long. "So. What are you doing?"

"Just finishing this design up."

He walked over and looked over Jonathan's shoulder at the piece of art he was working on in PhotoShop.

"That is fucking amazing."

Jonathan smiled. It was a mash up of games all thrown into one, tiny props and guns adorned the design. The colors were magnificent and you had to look really hard to see every thing he'd hidden in it. It all came together in the shape of VG. VanossGaming.

"That's it." Evan pointed at the screen. "That'll be my tattoo."

* * *

><p>Alright guys! End of this chapter!<p>

I just wanted to hop on here and say thank you! To all you lovely reviewers leaving me positive feedback! I love you and it really pushes me to get the next chapter going. Please, please leave me a review even if it's just a smiley face, it'll make my day. Let me know what you guys think! Muah! -Elsie


	5. Chapter 5

"It's perfect." Evan sighed as he stood shirtless in the tattoo parlor looking at his back in the mirror. It was only the outline that the guy had placed on his skin, but he couldn't wait. It would fit between his shoulder blades. Jonathan had warned him it would hurt, but his mind would adjust and the pain would start to ease off after a while.

"Are you ready?" Jonathan asked and Evan nodded as he laid himself down face first on the cushion. He looked up as Jonathan pulled up a chair in front of him and nodded at the artist. Evan heard the needle buzzing and his heart started pumping faster. He looked up and Jonathan held his hands out.

Evan took them without question, curling his fingers over Jonathan's, then he took a deep breath. He felt it pierce his skin and he squeezed.

"Mhm. That does not feel nice." Evan huffed a laugh. He turned his head to the side and closed his eyes.

"It gets better." Jonathan squeezed his hands. "I promise."

Evan nodded and he let his thoughts drift off as he lay there, feeling soft fingers rubbing circles on his hands. Evan may or may not have drifted off into a light sleep or a daze perhaps.

It felt like an eternity but it only lasted about an hour, but what made him look up was the fact that Jonathan's hands weren't holding his anymore. His gut tightened at the loss and he cursed himself mentally for wanting them back so bad. He glanced around the parlor and found Jonathan on the other side sitting in a chair getting the most glorious thing he'd ever seen tattooed on his chest. It spanned from collar bone to collar bone and was centered in the middle of his chest. It looked like a bird with it's wings stretched out, in flight. But it was the colors that were so beautiful, the feathers were shaded in hues of teal blue and sea foam green, with hints of a deep blue and purple. It was magnificent and he couldn't stop staring.

"Alright, man. You're done." The guy, Charlie, gave him a pat on the back and Evan pushed himself up from the chair, he had lines from the leather across his body when he looked in the mirror. He turned and a smile stretched across his face. It was perfect and it made him even happier knowing that Jonathan was the one who made it.

Evan shook Charlie's hand, "I appreciate it. It's fucking perfect."

"No problem. Come back and get another one sometime." Charlie grinned at him. "Your friend over there is quite the artist. Best designs I've seen handmade in a while."

Evan let his eyes find Jonathan and he was already looking his way, "Yeah, he's pretty amazing."

He sat with Jonathan for another hour until his tattoo was complete, then he took them to a restaurant that didn't mind if they were shirtless.

"Dude, everyone is checking you out." They were sitting outside of a small Mexican restaurant, the breeze was just right and the sun was warm. Jonathan looked up and around as he dipped his chip in more cheese sauce. Evan was right, mostly girls had their eyes on him but there were a few guys eyeing his tattoo. But he wasn't the only one they were looking at. He could feel their eyes on Evan and he felt the sting of jealousy.

"Not just me they're looking at." Jonathan said and grinned at him. "You're hot too, you know."

"So you admit that you're hot, finally?" Evan nudged his foot under the table and Jonathan took a sip of his drink.

"No. I'll never see myself that way."

Evan leaned forward on the table, "Well, I see you that way. All blue eyes and pretty smiles."

Jonathan almost choked on his drink. He cleared his throat while Evan smiled at him. "That almost came out of my nose, you ass."

Evan threw his head back and laughed and Jonathan could feel more eyes on them, but the more he watched Evan and the more Evan watched him, he stopped worrying. He didn't care.

"So, tell me about the bird." Evan spoke up a little while later and Jonathan sat back, looking down at his chest. He was in love with it already.

"It's a hawk. My mother loved hawks and these were her favorite colors." He sighed.

"It's beautiful."

"Thank you." Jonathan said quietly, he could still feel Evan's eyes on him even after he looked away. God, he was warm. But he felt so good. He always felt good. And it was all because of Evan and the way he watched him, or how he grinned at him. It was the way he could feel his fingers barely touching the hollow of his back as they left the restaurant, guiding him. It was the way he held him on Monday mornings, the way his nose brushed his forehead in his sleep, or the way he unknowingly chased his dark dreams away. Jonathan wanted more. He always knew he would want more, but he was terrified to even try to take it any further. He feared Evan would push him away.

Something caught his eye as they were driving. "Whoa. Pull over there real quick, Evan."

There was a Jeep sitting for sale in front of a small business and he read the sale sign. See store owner for details. Evan nodded at him as he waited against the hood of his car. Jonathan made his way inside, a bell chimed and a small woman middle aged came around a corner and greeted him.

"Hi, how can I help you?" She smiled up at him.

"Excuse my shirtlessness." He laughed.

"I understand. New tattoo. Not a problem." She grinned and shrugged.

"I wanted to ask about the Jeep you have out front." He looked over his shoulder.

"Yes! That is, or was, my brother's. He moved across the country and left it with us and I have no use for it."

"Is there anything wrong with it, or anything that needs work?"

She nodded, "Just one thing. The radiator needs replacing and the oil probably needs to be changed. I mean, the thing runs fine, but it needs to be replaced."

"Awesome, I can fix that, no problem. So how much do you want for it?" He smiled and rocked on his heels.

"Fifteen hundred."

Jonathan held his hand out, "Sold."

She shook it and smiled, "Awesome, I've been looking at that thing for months."

"Is cash fine? I can have it for you tomorrow."

"That's perfect." She smiled again, "I'm Morgan."

"My name's Jonathan. We'll work out the deed and bill of sale tomorrow, yeah?"

"Absolutely. See you then, Jonathan."

"I'll try and have a shirt on next time."

"Honey, you and your friend out there can come here shirtless anytime you want." She winked and he gave a laugh before he walked out the door. Evan was still leaning against the car looking sexy as sin and Jonathan couldn't help but stare at him.

"Do you mind driving me back out here tomorrow?"

"Sure, why?"

"Because this Jeep is mine." Jonathan smiled and Evan slowly grinned.

"What?" He asked and Evan shook his head as they got in the car.

"Nothing. I just think Jeeps are hot."

* * *

><p>They laughed and talked the entire way home with the windows rolled down, letting the spring air whip through their hair.<p>

"Water should be warm enough to swim in pretty soon." Evan said as he changed the radio station. "I usually have a small pool party in the middle of summer. Just some of my friends, the ones I grew up with. We cook, swim, watch some sort of sport. It's a good time. You can blow their minds with your North Carolina cooking."

Jonathan caught Evan's grin and returned it, "If you say so. Can't say I'll talk much. You know how shy and unsocial I am."

"You'll be fine." Evan nudged his shoulder, "I'll be there."

"Yeah." He let his arm hang from the window the rest of the ride home. His fingers caught the warm wind and he sighed, happy.

For now.

He looked over at Evan and his perfect lips, perfect face, perfect everything. His long slim fingers as they gripped the wheel had him biting his tongue. Those fingers that drew circles on his skin one night and he nearly melted. Jonathan looked away, feeling sick. It was a feeling he knew well and it was always accompanied by a restless night and more than likely his recurring nightmare. The same one that plagued him since he was young. It didn't matter what he did to try and take his mind off of it before he went to sleep, it never failed to haunt him.

It didn't matter that he was leaning against Evan as they ate popcorn on the couch, watching another good movie. It didn't matter that Evan's arm was around his shoulder, or that he was letting his head rest against his, or that they laughed for hours while they played with their friends that night.

None of it mattered. It wasn't enough to stop it.

"Where'd Delirious go?" Terroriser asked when he realized Jonathan wasn't in the Skype call anymore as they continued to play Prop Hunt on GMOD.

"He said he was going to bed." Evan said as he found Mini hiding in a corner.

"Damn it, Evan!" Craig yelled. "How long did you know I was there!?"

"The whole time." He laughed.

"You know, Delirious was actually pretty quiet tonight." Tyler said.

"Yeah, he was. Considering how he usually is. All shits and giggles." Nogla agreed.

"Everything okay with you guys?" Brock asked and the question had more meaning behind it but that was something only Evan knew.

"Yes. Guys. Everything is fine. He always gets quiet when he's really tired, like beyond the point of being delirious."

"Okay, if you say so." Brock said and Evan clenched his jaw because now he couldn't stop thinking about it.

He thought about it for the rest of the game. He thought about it while he lay in the bed, watching his fan spin in endless circles on the ceiling. Was Jonathan okay? Or were there things going on in his head that he didn't want him to know about? He sat up in the bed, rubbing his face hard. He couldn't fucking sleep now, it was two in the morning, and there were thoughts running in his head at a hundred miles an hour. Evan swung his legs off the bed, letting his feet soak in the cold that had settled into the wood floor. He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, but he jerked his head up when he heard something.

Words. He heard words. A faint whispering that almost sounded like a plea. He let his feet silently carry him into the hall where they followed the sound to Jonathan's door. His fingers were turning the knob before he thought about what he was doing and his eyes fell on Jonathan. He was visible in the light of the moon coming through the window, curled around his pillow, eyes shut tight. A sob rang out and Evan heart twisted in his chest.

"No." Jonathan whispered as he cried in his sleep, "Where are you?"

Evan crawled into the bed next to him and lightly wiped his fingers across his face. He inhaled sharply and turned to his back.

"Jonathan, wake up."

"Help me."

"I'm trying." Evan took his shoulders and shook him. "Please, wake up."

Jonathan's hands were around his wrists in seconds, holding him there as he stared up at him, finally awake. Tears continued to stream down the sides of his face as Evan looked down at him, helpless.

"Hey, it's okay."

Jonathan closed his eyes and nodded as he released his wrists and sat up next to him. He didn't even wipe at his face, he just sat there in a daze until Evan caught his chin, turned his head and met his eyes. They were a misty blue, clear as the sky and shining with tears. His lips were swollen from crying and sleep, red. It took everything for him not to touch them. Evan swallowed hard. That moment was the first time he thought about kissing him. It would be so easy, to just inch his face a bit closer, press his lips against his and feel . . .

"I'm sorry I woke you." Jonathan said quietly.

Evan ran a hand across Jonathan's face, wiping away what wetness he could. "You didn't. I couldn't sleep, I heard you."

Jonathan looked away from him then down at his shaking fingers. This was new. He was used to waking up crying, by never shaking.

"Does this happen a lot?" Evan asked and Jonathan caught his eye before he nodded.

"How often?"

"Every other night."

Evan sat up straighter and rubbed his face. "Christ, Jonathan. Do you even get any sleep?"

"Yeah." He rubbed the back of his neck nervously. No one had ever asked him, no one had ever known. He was used to getting only four hours of sleep a night.

Evan huffed, "When?"

Jonathan licked his lips and looked at Evan cautiously before he said, "Mondays."

Evan was taken aback at first, but quickly caught him by the hand before he got out of the bed.

"Don't run from me, Jonathan." He curled his fingers around his, trying to reassure him, to keep him from shutting him out. "Talk to me. Tell me what's going on inside that head of yours. I want to know."

"I need some air."

Evan nodded but didn't let go of his hand. Instead he pulled him up and led him downstairs and to the back door. They walked out onto the back porch and the wind gave a warm gust as they sat on the swing side by side. Jonathan pulled his leg up beneath him and leaned into Evan who put an arm around him. It was a position they had grown accustomed to when they watched movies together.

"Storm's coming." Evan said as the wind blew lightly against their bare skin and he was content, with Jonathan beside him looking up at the sky. The storm clouds were building on the horizon and the lightening was flickering.

"One of my favorite things ever is the breeze before a storm. I love the way it picks up and whips your shirt around, makes you feel like there's something coming, something ominous and dark. I don't know why I love it. Just the gloominess and then sitting outside watching it come down, the smell of the rain."

"I know exactly what you mean. I love it, too." Evan grinned to himself, "That's one of the reasons I want to move south one day. It snows too much here. There's not enough thunderstorms and I'm too in love with the beach. Watching a thunderstorm build while I'm on the beach, that's my favorite."

Jonathan hummed, "Yeah, if I could have a beach house, or a fucking shack for all I care, right on the water so I could hear the waves crashing all night . . . I'd be happy for the rest of my life."

"Sounds perfect. Maybe one day." Evan's arm tightened around his shoulder and he didn't mean to, he just felt like wherever he would be in the future, Jonathan would be there, too.

"Maybe." Jonathan echoed his words and rest his head back against his shoulder. "So you wanna know about my dreams, huh?"

"I do." Evan glanced over at him.

"Alright." He sat up a little straighter. "I have had the same dream almost every night since I was twelve. The reason I always stay up late, the reason I'm always up early, is because I don't hardly sleep. For the longest time I haven't had a full night's sleep and I'm used to that. I'm used to being so delirious, so fucking out of my mind."

"Do you always wake up crying?"

He nodded. "Most of the time. Sometimes I'm just out of breath."

"What's the dream?"

Jonathan took a breath, "I'm always in a crowd, lost. It's stupid, but that's one of my biggest fears, being lost in a crowd where I don't know where I am. I don't know where I'm going, I don't recognize anything or anyone. And I can't find who I'm looking for. I'm just stuck there, running in circles, getting shoved around while I'm looking for a face in the crowd that I know I won't ever find."

"Who are you looking for?"

"It changes. At first I was always looking for Dad. Then for a while it was my sister when she turned eighteen and moved to God knows where, then it was Noah. For the longest time it was him and that's when it got bad."

Evan was pushing his toes down on the deck, making the swing rock steadily. "And now?"

"Now, it's you." Jonathan said and he couldn't bring himself to look at Evan. "And I don't understand it, because it's always been someone that's left me. Maybe I'm just afraid that one day you will."

"Why would I leave?"

"I don't know. Maybe one day I move out, or you get married, or we fight and never talk again. My brain has a mind of it's own, it makes me worry about stupid things."

"Yeah, it does." Evan laughed lightly. "I don't ever see myself getting married or getting so mad at you that I never want to see you again."

"Why wouldn't you get married?"

"Well first of all, I don't date." Evan shrugged. "I mean, I have, but gaming gets in the way and they never agree with it."

Jonathan grinned, "I decided a long time ago that I'd rather be alone than deal with a relationship again."

"Well, that's very optimistic of you." Evan said sarcastically and nudged him. He felt Jonathan shrug.

"I think I'm doing pretty good so far."

"Yeah." Evan ran his fingers down his arm as the thunder grew louder, closer. "Me, too."

Evan would never say it, would hardly admit it to himself, but he didn't want Jonathan to be in a relationship either.

"Are you tired?"

Jonathan shook his head. "No. It feels too good out here."

"Mm." Evan agreed and they sat in silence for a long time until Jonathan stood and walked to the railing, stretching his long limbs before resting his elbows against the wood. The sky was already turning a pale purple while the deep gray clouds moved closer. The wind was steadily picking up and Evan watched him like he always did.

It was a bad habit, but he couldn't keep his eyes off of him. He wondered if it would be this way if he found another guy attractive, but when he thought about it he didn't want it to be anyone else. Just Jonathan and the smooth line of his back in the pale morning light. Just the ripples of his toned arms and the peach fuzz that barely stood above his skin. Just the faint smell of pine that filled his head when he lay wrapped around him Monday mornings. Just Jonathan.

The rain came down shortly after and they watched it from the swing for as long as Jonathan could keep his eyes open as they rocked back and forth. He'd never felt so tired before. Normally he was used to it, but it had started to weigh him down after the first Monday he spent in the bed with Evan. He had slept so deep, so good, so uninterrupted. Jonathan didn't even know what he dreamed about, but if he did he knew wasn't anything bad.

Now, he was spoiled. He couldn't wait for Mondays, couldn't wait to see Evan's sleepy face as he shifted over and made room for him, giving him the warm side he'd been sleeping on. He couldn't wait to feel his fingers mindlessly brush his skin as he dozed back off, couldn't wait to feel his head slowly fall against his as he finally fell back asleep. The rain lulled him, his eyes shutting. He felt the swing stop it's sway.

"Come on." He heard in his ear and the next thing he knew, he was falling into a bed, Evan's bed, by the smell of his pillows. It was intoxicating. He heard himself hum when he finally felt the warm, soft, bare skin he'd been thinking about for days pulling him he was so tired, but so comfortable and warm. For the first time in a long he felt . . . safe.

"But, it's not Monday." He mumbled against Evan's chest.

"If it helps you sleep, then it can be Monday every day."

And that's how it was. Jonathan would stay up editing and when he was done he'd head down the hallway into Evan's room, crawl into bed, and sleep soundly the entire night. No bad dreams, no bags under his eyes. Evan was happier that way, he could sleep now, knowing that Jonathan wasn't fighting nightmares and soaking his pillow with tears. He enjoyed the company, enjoyed the warm body that was always next to him.

* * *

><p>"Go to E3 with me this year." Evan said as they killed zombies with each other on Dying Light.<p>

Jonathan was silent for a minute, "But it's so big . . . and crowded. There's a reason I haven't gone all these years."

"Yeah, I know that now. But I'll be with you and you can finally meet the guys. They won't post any pictures of you or do anything to expose you, I promise."

"I don't know. I'll think about it." Jonathan said and started laughing, "Hey, there's another kid over here stealing your patented design."

"God damn it! These fucking kids." Evan laughed as they ran through the daycare.

"Well, think about it and let me know. I need to call and reserve a hotel room so I, or _we_, can stay somewhere close by. I like to be within walking distance of everything."

"Okay." Jonathan said while he swatted at a zombie that was attacking Evan from behind. "Hey, let's hit a checkpoint then I'm gonna go replace that radiator in my Jeep and change the oil."

"Alright."

They hit a save point and Evan spent the rest of the evening helping Jonathan pull the front of his Jeep apart and put in back together.

"Come here for a sec." He heard Jonathan underneath the vehicle and got to his knees.

"Yeah?"

There was a hand on his face, fingers that were slick and wet with an unknown substance. He didn't move, just opened his eyes slowly and shook he head at Jonathan who was dying laughing as he lay on his back on the concrete.

"You done messed up, son." Evan said and reached for a flailing Jonathan who was trying desperately to get away.

"No! No!" Jonathan dipped his fingers into a small cup beside him and smeared more oil on Evan's face.

"Ugh!" Evan finally got a grip on his shirt and pulled, sliding him out from under the Jeep. He took the cup from Jonathan's hand and dipped his own hand into it. But before he could reach him Jonathan was on his feet and running out of the garage, into the front yard, laughing like a kid. They circled each other, slowly, Evan taunting him with an evil grin on his face. Jonathan pulled his shirt over his head and crouched like he was going to fight.

"Come on, bitch! Let's go. You want a piece of this?"

Evan lunged forward and straight into Jonathan's stomach knocking him backwards into the grass. "Ahh, fuck."

"Did I hurt you?" Evan asked as he straddled his waist. Jonathan sat up and wrapped his arms around him, spinning them to the side until he was on top, triumphant.

"You can't hurt me!" He laughed and Evan grinned as he lifted his oil cover hand up, letting it slide up Jonathan's torso, up to his neck, leaving a huge black smear on his skin from his belly button to his chin.

Jonathan looked down at himself and then at Evan, betrayed. "You motherfucker."

Evan threw his head back in the grass and laughed, even as Jonathan started to draw dicks on his face with his oily fingers.

"That fucking tickles." He gasped out when Jonathan's finger ran beneath his ear. He squirmed under his weight when Jonathan smiled down at him.

"Oh?" He did it again and enjoyed the site of Evan laughing and wiggling beneath him. God he was so fucking tempting, Jonathan could feel the want swelling in his chest.

"No, no! Stop! Please." Evan pleaded while he caught his breath. He had tears in the corners of his eyes and black smudges all over his face, Jonathan wanted to lean down and taste his lips. Mentally, he slapped himself hard.

He stood and helped Evan to his feet, "Draw?"

"Draw." Evan nodded, still grinning from ear to ear. "It's gonna take forever to get this shit off."

"Nah," Jonathan shrugged. "Just use dish soap. Just rub it on and let it sit for a second before you add water."

"And you know this how?" Evan asked with a raised brow as they walked back inside. Jonathan was using his ruined white shirt the wipe up what he could.

"Past experience. Cartoonz, Luke, is a big car guy. I used to help him whenever he was changing things out on his car. He taught me a bunch of stuff about vehicles. Without him I'd still be clueless. Needless to say, we were always dirty." He said and handed Evan his shirt which he took and tried to mop up his face as best as he could.

"Just trash that shirt when you're done. I'll use the downstairs shower, you can take the top." Jonathan said and threw him a small bottle of dish soap before he disappeared into the washroom.

Evan sighed as he walked up the stairs. It would be days before he got that image out of his head, the image of Jonathan on top of him while he slid his slick hand up his smooth stomach, his fingers gliding up his neck. He leaned against the cool tile wall as the hot water hit his skin. It stung, but his mind kept racing. He was still so fucking turned on that it was borderline scary.

* * *

><p>"He's trying to get me to go to E3." Jonathan told Cartoonz as they scavenged on H1Z1.<p>

"Dude, you should totally go. I'm going this year and I haven't seen your face in months. I fucking miss you man."

He smiled, "I know. I miss you, too."

"So you'll go? It's in like, three weeks." Luke was getting excited, he could tell.

"I'm just scared of the crowd, I'm scared of meeting everyone."

"Delirious . . . I'll be there. Evan will be there with his big strong arms and killer smile. No one will even think about taking a picture of you. We won't let you get lost. And everyone has been dying to meet you since the beginning of time."

Jonathan rubbed at his lips. "I'll think about it."

"Well think quickly, my brotha!"

* * *

><p>It was June.<p>

"Just say yesssss. Pleeeeease." Evan whined as he floated in his back in the water. The pool felt amazing and Jonathan was swimming in circles as the warm sun beat down on him. It was cute watching him beg.

"Yes."

Evan spun in the water with a smile that could rival the sun it was so bright. "Really?"

"Yes." Jonathan repeated and held his breath when Evan tackled him down into the water. He came up laughing.

Evan smacked him in the head, "About fucking time."

Jonathan shrugged, "I figured I'd make it suspenseful for you."

"You're a bitch." Evan said but smiled at him. He watched Jonathan grin and swim off, the water gliding smoothly off his skin as he moved. Evan didn't think it was possible, but Jonathan was getting hotter by the day. The more they swam and sun bathed the darker his skin became. Evan was starting to see freckles on Jonathan's cheeks and nose and the sun was making his hair brighter.

* * *

><p>Evan text Brock one day, <em>"Dude is fine as fuck. I can't wait for you guys to meet him."<em>

_"I can't wait either. Just four days til then."_

_"It won't come fast enough. God, I love California."_

* * *

><p>This was his first time flying to California and he was more nervous than he'd been when he flew to Canada with Evan. It was bad, he was feeling sick and he couldn't be still in his seat as they waited for their flight. Evan was fucking cool about everything, he wasn't nervous, but he didn't have to be because everyone had already met him and loved him. It kind of made Jonathan jealous.<p>

They went through the metal detectors, grabbed their carry-ons, and started walking towards their gate. He was already taking deep breaths, mentally preparing himself. Or trying to at least. It wasn't working. He nearly ran into Evan who had stopped in the middle of the airport and was looking at him seriously. "Jonathan."

"Evan." He said and raised a brow in confusion.

"Calm down." Evan placed a hand on his shoulder and squeezed.

Jonathan took another deep breath. "I _am_ calm."

Evan smiled and shook his head. "No you're not. I know you. You're freaking the fuck out inside that head of yours."

Jonathan sighed and looked away. "Just a little."

Evan watched his sun tanned freckled face and felt the reassuring warmth he expected in his chest when Jonathan looked back him with his clear blue eyes. "I'm right here with you."

Jonathan stared at him for a few long seconds and then gave him a small nod, a grin starting to show. They set off again toward their gate and Jonathan's heart was in his throat when Evan's hand slipped into his, lacing their fingers together.

But it wasn't weird, it wasn't sexual, it wasn't wrong. It was Evan.

Evan squeezed his fingers and he looked over at him, "You good?"

Jonathan smiled and huffed a laugh. He was beyond good, he was fantastic. He was happy, he was safe, he was exactly where he wanted to be. But, he was starting to feel something else. Something so heartbreakingly good and wonderful all rolled into one that had lodged itself deep within his heart, his soul.

_He was in fucking love._

"Yeah," he squeezed back, "I'm good."


	6. Chapter 6

Just want to say thank you, first, to all of my reviewers out there. Love you so much! This one took me a while and I had to make up a bunch of bull of what E3 is like, I was too lazy to research it. Anyway, I hope you enjoy, drop me a review if you'd like, loves. I'll catch you on the next chapter, stay tuned. -Els

* * *

><p>"Brock!"<p>

Brock was standing alone watching the traffic flow go by outside of the restaurant they all had agreed to meet at. He turned when he heard his name and there was Craig running his way.

"Mini!" He laughed and wrapped him up in a bear hug. "How've you been, man!"

Craig shook his hand, "I'm great! Still getting settled here, but I've been managing quite well. How about you?"

"I'm good. I'm just excited to meet Delirious. Like, I'm nervous." He laughed again and Craig smiled.

"Me, too. I've been thinking about it all week."

"Brock! Craig! My brethren!" Tyler appeared behind them arms wide. "What it do?"

"Tyler! Good to see you, man!" Brock grabbed his hand and pulled him into a quick hug.

"We the only three so far?"

Craig nodded, "Yeah, let's see. We still have Daithi, Lui, Marcel, Evan, and Jonathan."

Tyler smiled, "Yesss! Finally get to meet Delirious. I'm so fucking excited, man."

The three of them found a bench and debated for the next ten minutes on how hot they thought Jonathan would be. Brock was dead set on a ten out of ten. Tyler on the other hand was more on the lines of an eight. Craig was just sitting back watching them argue until Lui and Nogla walked up.

"Hey, guys." Lui smiled down at them, shaking their hands as Nogla waved with one hand, his camera in the other.

"Good to see you, losers." Brock smiled back up at them.

"Who are we waiting on?" Daithi asked, looking out at the cars and people going by.

"Marcel, Evan, and Jonathan." Craig said and before he could speak again Marcel was grabbing him by the shoulders from behind.

"Sup, nerds?!"

"Hey, hey." Everybody slapped hands and laughed.

Marcel grinned, "So, where's stud muffin Evan and our mystery man?"

Brock stood and shielded his eyes from the sun as he looked across the street. "I think that's them over there."

Everyone went silent and looked hard at the crowd across the street. For two weeks they had all been texting and Skyping each other about how fucking ready they were to see him. But they never said it to Jonathan's face, they didn't want him to be more nervous than he already would be.

"Nogla, make sure you don't catch his face in your video, or if you do-"

Nogla nodded, "I know, Brock. I won't put his face in my vlog. Evan already talked to me about it, said he'd punch the fuck out of me if I did."

They laughed and Marcel grinned, "So have they confessed their undying love for each other yet? Cause we are all waiting on it. I mean, Evan called each and every one of us to talk about not posting pictures of him. He's really fucking protective. Never seen him like that about anything."

"I know, it's so cute it's disgusting." Craig said and shrugged, "Maybe one day they'll bite the bullet."

"Well, whenever they do, I'm behind them a hundred percent." Brock raised his hand.

"Me, too. I think we all are, right guys?" Tyler asked and everyone nodded and stuck their hands together.

"Mighty Morphing Power Rangers! Go!" Lui yelled and they all burst into a fit of giggles.

* * *

><p>Jonathan gave a small whine. "I am so fucking nervous."<p>

Evan smiled and looked over at him as they walked down the sidewalk side by side amongst the steady flow of people. "I know. And there's nothing I can do about it, but tell you that you have nothing to be worried about."

"I know." Jonathan cracked his knuckles and ran his hands through his hair. "God damn, I hate my fucking nerves. Why can't I just be like you, all calm and awesome about everything?"

"I'm not _always_ calm."

Jonathan cut him a look, "You know what I mean, Evan."

"Hey, I'm trying to get you out of your shell. If you hadn't noticed. I've been taking you places you've never been, making you talk to people you normally wouldn't. One day, you won't even bat an eye when it comes to that kind of stuff." Evan grinned at him and Jonathan narrowed his eyes but couldn't hold back a pretty smile that made Evan's stomach flutter.

"Such a sweetheart." Jonathan giggled and tried to pinch Evan's face, but Evan caught his hand, threading their fingers as they continued to walk along. Honestly, it was his new favorite thing.

"Oh man, I see them!" Jonathan pointed and Evan followed his line of site across the street at the restaurant they were meeting at.

"Oh man, oh man, oh man. This is really happening." He squeezed Evan's fingers and took a deep breath. Jonathan was nervous, excited, but nervous. He had been wanting to meet these guy for years and here he was, finally. It took Evan to get him here, but he was here.

Evan smiled, "Come on, they haven't shut up for two weeks about finally getting to meet you. Let's not keep them waiting."

He pulled his hand from his and it came to rest in the hollow of Jonathan's back, his favorite spot, as they walked across the street toward the guys who were jumping up and waving like idiots.

* * *

><p>"Shit, he's a total babe. Brock, you called it." Tyler laughed and hit Brock on the back.<p>

Brock smiled wide, "Hell yeah I did. Look at that guy, he's fucking beautiful."

Marcel whistled and Brock cut him a look. "GILF, eh Marcel?"

He watched him nod and grin, "GILF indeed."

Jonathan was smiling and Brock immediately understood what Evan meant. He understood why he was so attracted to him. That smile was glorious and his eyes as blue as the sky above them. Brock caught Evan's eye and smiled even wider.

He held his arms out, "Bring it in, Delirious!"

"Hey, guys." Jonathan said and let Brock hug him hard. He laughed when everyone else wrapped around them, forming a group hug.

"Now we are complete!" Tyler said over someone's shoulder, he didn't know who.

"Now we all know!" Nogla cried out. "Now we can all rest knowing that Delirious is beautiful."

Jonathan shook hands with everyone, giving them one on one hugs and a big smile. Evan stood off to the side with Brock, a grin stuck on his face.

"You look like a proud mom, Evan. Watching her child go off into the world." Brock laughed and Evan rolled his eyes.

"He wouldn't have done this six months ago. It's taken a lot of work, on my part, to get him to open up enough and relax. I mean, yeah, he was nervous. But he didn't freak out like I thought he might." Evan said and crossed his arms.

Brock moved in close to him and muttered so only he could hear, "That's probably because you were holding his hand."

Evan's eyes snapped to his, but he didn't look worried about the fact that he'd seen. Evan shrugged, "It works. It calms him down. Sometimes he just needs me to remind him that I'm there and I'm not going anywhere."

"That's good. It's awesome that you look out for him like that. Everyone deserves a friend as dedicated as you." Brock grinned crookedly at him and bumped his arm with his.

Evan grinned back and they watched as the guys took pictures with Jonathan, but under Evan's strict rule that they keep the pictures to themselves and not post any. Jonathan caught his eye and threw a devilishly charming smile his way and he couldn't stop his legs from being drawn to it.

He walked up next to him and threw an arm around his neck, his fingers barely brushing against his chest as they stood there in conversation with Daithi and Lui.

"Isn't Cartoonz coming?" Lui asked, "That guy's a trip."

"Yeah, he won't be landing until this afternoon." Jonathan said and unconsciously reached up and hooked his fingers around Evan's wrist. "He's going to catch us after he gets to his hotel."

Nogla was eyeing them with a sneaky grin as he held his camera. "You guys. Stop being so cute."

Lui giggled and Jonathan was about to turn red, he could feel the heat creeping up his neck. He was about to retract his fingers but Evan tightened his arm around him and laughed.

"What? You can't handle it, Nogla?" Evan grinned.

"I made this ship, I can handle the cute. Ya bastards." Nogla waved them off and went inside to get a table together. Evan was shocked when Jonathan laughed quietly to himself, even more shocked that he wasn't closing in on himself like he usually did when he met people.

Mini joined their small circle, "Brian, and Sark said they'd be here tomorrow. They'll meet us at whatever building we end up in. It'll be fun having us all together for once."

"Yeah, it's pretty awesome. Too bad we don't all live here in the first place. We'd have so much fun hanging out all the time." Evan said and looked around, taking in the site of them all together, laughing, happy.

"Maybe one day." Jonathan said, more to Evan than anyone else. Evan gave him another soft squeeze in agreement before he let him go.

"Alright guys I got us an extra long, extra large table. I hope you're happy because I had to use my Irish skills of seduction to convince the guy to cram four tables together." Nogla said when he came outside again.

"Aww, way to take one for the team Daithi." Lui slapped his cheek lightly and they all started to file in one by one.

Marcel squeezed Jonathan on the shoulder as he walked behind him when they went in. "So, Jonathan. How did Evan convince you to come?"

Jonathan caught Evan's eye as he sat down next to him, their legs flush against one another's. He grinned and looked across at Marcel and winked, "Oh, you know. He's got that Asian persuasion."

* * *

><p>"Luke!"<p>

"Jonathan!" Cartoonz was smiling from ear to ear as they ran towards each other. Luke curled his arms around him and picked him up in a massive hug that had been pent up for months. "Oh, God! I missed you so much brother. How you been?"

Once Jonathan's feet were back on the ground he looked back at Evan who was talking to Brock. "I've been good. I'm really fuckin' great actually."

Luke clapped a hand on his shoulder, "Evan still being good to you? I'll kick his ass if not." He gave him a sly grin.

"Yeah, Evan's good to me. He spoils me pretty bad and uh . . ." Jonathan rubbed at his neck, a nervous habit. "I'm pretty sure he's ruined me for anyone else."

Luke scrunched his brows together, "You sayin' what I think you're sayin'?"

Jonathan stared at his Chuck's for a moment then looked his friend in the eyes, "Yes. I can't keep telling myself that I don't feel it. Because I do and I'm kind of scared to be honest."

"Whoa, whoa. Stop, right there. Don't get worked up about it, Evan is not going to be the next Noah. I know that's what you're thinking. Evan would never do that to you. I mean, come on, Evan is _Evan_."

"I know, it's just that I haven't felt like this in a long time. And it doesn't even matter because he might not even want to be with me. I don't even know if he'd want to be with a guy. I just don't fucking know. I didn't want it to happen, I shouldn't have left North Carolina with him." Jonathan rubbed his eyes hard.

"Hey, I know you didn't come to me because your dad would've known that's where you went. But Evan came to you." Luke smiled, "He cares about you. Seriously, the guy let's you sleep with him so you don't have bad dreams. If he doesn't have some sort of feelings for you then I'm insane."

Jonathan laughed, "You _are_ insane."

Luke shrugged and stroked his beard, "Yeah, but I still think you should keep going for it. From the five minutes I've been standing here with you, he's been watching you for about four."

Jonathan felt the heat creep onto his face, but he didn't turn to look, he trusted Luke. So Evan did look at him when he wasn't aware of it. It was kind of elating. Fuck. Who was he kidding? It was exciting, he could feel his heartbeat running away with the fact. He took a deep calming breath and pulled Luke along with him and they joined Brock and Evan.

Luke shook their hands in greeting, "Evan, Brock. Good to see you boys."

"Good to see you, too, man." Evan smiled and Jonathan was looking everywhere but at his lips. No, wait, yeah. He was definitely looking at them.

Stupid Evan and his pretty face.

Stupid Jonathan and his pretty face.

Evan was pissed. His fucking fingers kept reaching for him, without his permission. It made him so fucking itchy he had to clench his fists to keep them from moving any time he was near.

What was that?

He just didn't want Jonathan too far away, he didn't want him getting lost in the crowd. Yeah, he kept telling himself that. But it was more on the lines of 'he wanted Jonathan close' and 'he didn't want anyone touching him'. What that meant, he didn't know. He'd figure it out later.

It was late afternoon and the crowds were thinning out a bit, not much, but Jonathan could breath a little easier. Lui and Marcel had dragged him around like a rag doll for an hour, making him join a team competition with them for Mortal Kombat. It eventually came down to him and Marcel vs. two British guys who were on the verge of owning his ass. He could feel all the eyes on them as they duked it out. Shouts echoed in his ear and he shot a glance into the crowd that had swarmed around the screens. The proximity of the people behind him was getting thinner and thinner and he started to feel like he was suffocating, like the bodies around him were taking his air and pushing his lungs inside out.

He gripped the controller tighter, he would be okay. It was fine. Everything was fine. He was with friends, people he knew. Marcel was beside him, Lui was just over to the side. He was fine. He was fine.

"Fuck." He whispered to himself when he started shake.

But it all stopped when two very familiar hands came to rest on his stiff shoulders. They gave a soft reassuring squeeze and he knew it was Evan. He knew those fingers. A heavy breath escaped his lips and he smiled as the anxiety melted away, like it was never even there.

"Yeah! Get him J!" Marcel yelled after he had died and it was down to the final blows between Jonathan and the other Brit. He managed to pull out his special move and took the guy out like it was nothing. The crowd went mad and screamed, cheered, clapped. He stood and raised his hands, victorious and he heard Evan and the guys behind him congratulating him. He got a small Scorpion statue for it and early access to the game. It was a good night spent with good guys and he didn't really want it to end. But they were going to do it all over again the next day and the next so he really couldn't complain when Evan was pulling him along towards the hotel after they said goodnight to everyone for the night. He didn't even protest when Evan slipped his hand into his as they walked down the sidewalk. He never would.

"That was so much fun." He smiled to himself. "What are we doing tomorrow?"

"I don't know yet. I'll check the schedule and see what's going on and I'll let you pick what we do first." Evan looked at him, he looked like a kid that had just been to his first amusement park. His eyes were shining and so was his smile. That's when Evan felt it.

That was the first time, right then and there, that he didn't just _think_ about kissing him . . . it was the first time he _wanted_ to.

* * *

><p>"What are you doing?" Evan asked when Jonathan crawled into the other bed in the room.<p>

"Uhh . . . going to bed?" Jonathan said, unsure. "Is that a trick question? I'm confused."

"No, I just thought you'd be over here with me." Evan said bluntly and Jonathan gave a small laugh.

"Oh." He rubbed at his head. "I just thought you got two beds for a reason."

Evan laughed lightly, "I got this room because it was all that was left. But if you want a big comfy bed to yourself that's fine with me."

Jonathan grinned, "I might. I can try it out at least. If I don't like it, I'll be sure to let you know."

"I'm sure you will." Evan teased as he cut off the lamp.

"Goodnight, bitch." Jonathan smiled in the dark when he heard Evan's deep chuckle. That rich smooth tone that seeped into his brain and gave him stupidly sweet thoughts. Thoughts that lured him down into sleep. Until they betrayed him and woke him, making him stare at the ceiling for what felt like hours. He tossed, trying to get comfortable, trying to get warm. Nothing was working and he heard Evan moving around in the other bed so he went still hoping he didn't wake him.

He almost jumped when his thick covers were pulled back, but he felt a grin on his face when Evan's long warm body crawled under his sheets and wrapped itself around him. His body was flush against his back, his arm looped beneath his, hand pressed into his chest, holding him back against him. Evan tucked his face between his shoulders and sighed. Jonathan could feel his hot breath on his skin as it evened out and he fell asleep within minutes. Jonathan's thoughts took him under again, but this time they didn't wake him up, they let him sleep in peace.

* * *

><p>Evan woke first to his alarm which he cut off and rolled back over to his heat source who was still out like a rock. He drifted back to sleep and he woke for a second time, but it was to a light knocking on the door. Then a text.<p>

_"Wake your pretty face up and answer the door. I told you I'd come bug the piss out of you first when I got here."_

Evan smiled in the dark and got out of the bed as quietly and softly as he could. Jonathan didn't move the entire time he was searching in his bag for a shirt and wherever he put his jeans. He opened the curtains a crack and let some bright light in to help aid him in his futile search. He found his jeans and pulled them over his legs and saw Jonathan's blue Delirious shirt still lying at the foot of his bed. He grabbed it and pulled it over his head. The smell of pine engulfed his senses and he had to think away the warmth that wanted to pool at the base of his stomach. He tiptoed to the door and as he cracked it open he held a finger to his lips so Brian wouldn't make an obnoxiously loud noise and wake Jonathan.

Brian stood back in the hall and hugged the shit out of him when he closed the door behind him. "It's good to see you Evan."

Evan laughed and gave him a hard pat on the back. "Yeah, you too. How was the flight?"

"Loooong. But worth it. I'm staying across the street, same floor as Brock and Tyler, so that should be interesting." Brian smiled, his Irish accent was smooth, and his blue eyes were impossible not to stare at. He was a really good looking guy, but Evan didn't feel what he always felt when he looked at Jonathan. He wasn't attracted to this guy, but he could agree that he was good looking.

"So what's on your agenda today?" Evan asked him.

"Other than seeing Delirious? I figured I'd just tag along with you boys today." Brian grinned, "That cool with you?"

"Of course man. Jonathan's still asleep, but-"

As soon as Evan said that the door behind him opened and his favorite pair of eyes peered out at them followed by his favorite smile. Jonathan had found the black VG shirt Evan had been looking for a minute ago. It looked good on him.

"Hey, Terroriser." Jonathan smiled even wider when he came out and let the door fall to. Brian's brows inched up his forehead as he grinned.

"Delirious." Brian shook his head and smiled, "Look at you, man." He held his hand out and Jonathan took it, pulling him into a tight hug.

"Nice to meet you, Brian."

"Likewise. I can see why Evan never shuts up about you." Brian said and bit his tongue. He wasn't supposed to say that by the look on Evan's face. Jonathan just laughed.

"Look at you guys, wearing each other's shirts and shit. Too cute for your own good, I tell ya." He dodged Evan and ran down the hall. He stopped and turned. "Let's meet for breakfast at the joint around the corner in, let's say," he looked down at his watch, "thirty minutes."

"Alright, see you in a bit." Evan said and shook his head as they turned back into the room.

* * *

><p>"We need to get him drunk and make Brian play twenty questions with him. Maybe we can get something out of him." Tyler schemed with Brock as they sat in the diner waiting on the guys.<p>

"Speaking of Brian." Brock shifted over and Terroriser slid into the booth next to him.

"So, they are totally hot together. Even if they aren't _together_ together." Brian said and Tyler nodded.

"Told you so."

Brian grinned, "They were wearing each other's shirts. It was cute as fuck."

Brock groaned, "Seriously, why don't they just admit it already."

"Hey, this stuff takes time. The longer the build up, the better it is in the end. We might need to influence it a bit, ya know, scheme here and there. But we'll help make it happen if you boys are up for that." Brian raised a brow at them and Tyler grinned mischievously at Brock who nodded.

"We're down. And I know everyone else will be, too." Brock said and waved when he saw Evan and Jonathan pass by the window outside, wearing each other's shirts still. He warmed at the fact and he smiled when Evan held the door open for Delirious.

Brian lowered his voice, "It won't happen over night, you understand?"

Tyler nodded, "We know. It'll take time."

Brock smiled, "But it'll be so fucking worth it."

Brian met his eyes, "Aye. That it will."

* * *

><p>"Just observe, Sark. Observe the obvious love story unfolding before your eyes." Lui held his arms out in front of him.<p>

"Watch how Vanoss never strays too far from one person in particular. Watch how he never takes his eyes off this person for too long." Nogla narrated in his other ear. Sark stood there with his hand on his chin, observing, making a deduction. He watched as Evan kept his fingers on Delirious is some way or another, on his back or shoulder as they walked through the crowd. He watched how Evan watched Delirious whenever he was veered off to the side by Cartoonz or Mini for a moment to check something out.

"Hm. I see." Sark said. "Yes, I can see the attachment. You'd have to be blind not to."

Lui grinned and slapped him on the shoulder, "This is our ship, would you like to board?"

Sark laughed and gave a salute, "Aye, aye, Captain!"

* * *

><p>"Jesus. How can you play stuff like this? It's fucking terrifying." Marcel said from between his fingers as he watched Jonathan test out Silent Hills on the PlayStation.<p>

"It's fun, not knowing when something's gonna jump around the corner at you." He laughed at Marcel who was hiding his eyes as he walked into a dark room with flickering lights. He played for a few more minutes until Marcel forced him away from the horror and took him to Nintendo's setup instead.

"Chicken Little." Jonathan remarked and Marcel rolled his eyes. Jonathan's phone buzzed in his pocket and he swiped it open.

Luke:_ Hey, they have a fuckin lifesize sparrow over here at Bungie. You guys should check it out whenever you're done._

He attempted to reply but the building wasn't giving him any signal. He looked back up and Marcel wasn't anywhere to be found. Jonathan thought he might break his phone he was squeezing it so hard. His heart was already trying to escape his chest.

Was this really fucking happening?

"Marcel!" He called out and turned around in a full circle looking for a face he knew he wouldn't find. He couldn't breathe and everything was starting to move a little too fast around him. He closed his eyes and covered his ears.

_It's okay. It's okay. Just get out. Find an exit. Then use your phone. Call Evan. Evan. Evan. Evan_.

He opened his eyes and he started moving, trying to ignore the people pushing past him or how fucking scared he was.

* * *

><p>"Evan!"<p>

Evan's head turned at the sound and he saw Marcel running at him, panic written on his face and he knew right then. He knew that he shouldn't have let Jonathan out of his site. His heart was in his throat and he met Marcel halfway, the guys forming up behind him at the commotion. Marcel grabbed his shoulder and took a deep breath.

"Where?" Evan asked, trying not to sound furious.

"I lost him around Nintendo. He was right behind me, Evan, I swear." Marcel was about to worry himself to death. He couldn't believe he fucking lost him. He lost him even after Evan told him not to, that it was a fucking fear of his to get lost in a place like this.

"It's okay. Does anyone have signal?" Evan turned and asked the crew and they shook their heads at him. Luke was practically steaming, "I've been trying to call, but nothing."

Evan took a deep breath trying not to rip his hair out. Jonathan was out there, running in circles, scared. He was probably calling out, shaking, getting shoved around just like in his dreams. And Evan wasn't there.

"Hey, Evan. We'll find him." Brock squeezed his shoulder and nodded at him. "What do want us to do, boss?"

Evan looked up at everyone watching him, waiting. "Spread out. I'll take Nintendo. Pick an area, search it, move on. We'll meet outside in the square in thirty. I know him, he'd probably try to find an exit."

"Alright let's go!" Brian called out and everyone split, running off in different directions, finding high ground and searching for a familiar face.

Evan pushed his way through the crowd towards Nintendo's massive setup to where Marcel said he lost him. He found an empty chair and stood, searching for his black shirt, but a lot of people were wearing black, so it was pointless. His eyes followed a stream of people that were leaving the area to an exit that let to Microsoft. He ran into the crowd and moved as quickly as he could through the thick cluster of people. Anyone would have anxiety in a crowd like this so he knew Jonathan was probably on the verge of something terrible. He finally broke through the crowd into Microsoft's setup and he took a deep breath before he took off again, weaving around booths and representatives. He dodged the faces that pointed and recognized him as he stood on what he could find to get a better view.

"Jonathan!" He called out, but no one turned their head. He could hardly hear his own voice. His heart was thundering in his ears as he ran across the floor to the next exit, Bungie. He was almost back to where he'd started.

"God damn it!" He yelled as he pushed through. He ran into Tyler and Craig who shook their heads at him. They followed him back to where they'd began and took new directions. Ten minutes to go and he'd head outside to meet with everyone else. For all he knew one of them could've found him already and they were waiting. He needed to calm down but he couldn't, not until he laid his own eyes on him. He started walking towards the exit, he needed air. He made it to the square and took in a lungful of warm California air. He pulled out his phone, he had two messages from five minutes ago that had finally come through. One was from Nogla.

_"I think I saw him, couldn't get a good look, but they were headed outside. Couldn't find em again."_

The other was from Marcel.

_"Evan, he's somewhere outside."_

Evan looked up at the groups of people walking around in the darkening afternoon light. One person was moving a little faster than the others. Evan ran when he saw blue eyes.

Brock made it outside with Brian, Mini, and Tyler and were about to join Evan but all of a sudden he bolted. He was about to follow but Brian stopped him.

"Just wait." Brian grinned crookedly at him. "He found him."

* * *

><p>Evan lost his breath when Jonathan turned and saw him running. He picked him up in a hug and he tried his best not to let the tears collect in the corners of his eyes.<p>

"I'm so fucking sorry." He finally breathed and could feel Jonathan's shaking slowly stop the longer he held him. Jonathan's fingers dug into him and he buried his face into his neck, letting his heart settle into a normal rhythm.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Evan kept repeating as he held him tighter, closer.

Jonathan nodded, his lips brushed Evan's neck. "It's okay. I'm okay. You found me."

Evan finally pulled back. Their cheeks slowly glided against one another, and for a split second their lips were mere centimeters apart. Evan felt his hand on Jonathan's face as he locked eyes with him. The only thing that stopped him from doing it, from closing that small distance was a firm hand on his shoulder from behind.

"You found him! Thank, God." Luke sighed heavily as Evan stepped away and let Luke hug his best friend. He rubbed his lips and his heart was skipping away again. He wanted it and he almost took it. He almost fucking did it. Evan glanced back as he walked over to the guys, he caught Jonathan's eye. He grinned over Luke's shoulder and Evan returned it.

"You alright, man?" Brock asked when he walked past them and sat on a bench.

Evan looked up at him and huffed a small laugh before rubbing his face. He sat back and shook his head at himself. "I'm fine. Just glad we found him."

"You sure that's all?" Brock asked as he sat beside him. Evan looked him dead in the eye.

"I don't know."

* * *

><p>"Brian, you are such an evil little fuck." Mini shook his head as they stood there.<p>

Terroriser shrugged, "You said you were down for it. You all did."

Lui nodded, "Yeah, we did. I think it was worth it. We almost got them to kiss, I'd say we made progress."

Marcel laughed, "Hell yeah. I totally took one for the team though. I was expecting Evan to punch me to be honest."

"Are we terrible friends for doing this?" Tyler asked.

"Nah, it's for a good cause." Nogla shrugged. "How about we skip all this tomorrow and just go to the beach?"

"I'm in." Lui said and everyone agreed.

Brock crossed his arms. "I'm down for that."

"Down for what?" Jonathan came up to them with Luke close behind giving them a nod. Brock couldn't believe the guy had gone along with it. He was just as protective of Delirious as Evan was, it took some convincing.

"Beach tomorrow, instead of this." Brock waved his hands around. "It's going to be three times as crowded tomorrow since it's the last day."

"Beach sounds great." Evan piped in now that he was out of his deep thoughts on the bench.

"Yeah, sounds fun." Jonathan nodded.

"How about we go find somewhere to eat and then call it a night?" Luke offered up and they all began a trek through the city together and ended up doing way more than dinner. The did laser tag, hide and seek in a park, dipping dots, fried donuts, a few shots of something terrible, and pictures in a photo booth. Jonathan had no idea how they all crammed into it but they managed, probably broke something in the process. Evan had his hand the whole time. No one batted an eye, stared, or said anything about it. They accepted it and Evan wasn't going to let him go again. They met Nanners on the sidewalk and arm wrestled strangers until they couldn't tell what time it was anymore.

* * *

><p>Evan was out of his clothes in seconds once they were back in their room. He cut the AC off and opened the balcony doors, letting the breeze roll in. The air had cooled off with the sun gone and he couldn't get enough of this place. Ever.<p>

He left the doors open as they drifted off to sleep. He had an arm behind his head, the other was playing with the ends of Jonathan's hair as he snored quietly against him. He didn't know how they got like this, but he liked it this way. He liked how they could sleep in the same bed together, hold hands, and it never got awkward, never got weird. But if he had kissed him, if he had closed that space, what would've happened?

He didn't know, but he thought about it all night, when he woke up tangled in Jonathan's limbs. He thought about it in the shower, when they were in the cab, when Jonathan was shirtless on the soft sands of the beach.

"That's sick!" The guys were admiring Evan's tattoo and groping Jonathan's chest as they gaped at the bird.

"You should make us one. Something we can all get done." Brock said and Jonathan smiled up at him.

"Yeah, I can do that."

Evan thought about it as they fought with each other in the ocean and as he watched the sun soak up the water droplets on Jonathan's tanned skin as they lay on their towels. It was still on his mind as they ate lunch at a little shack of a seafood restaurant on the beach close by. And it was on the tip of his tongue as they watched the water wash on the shore, the sun setting on the horizon.

"Are we weird?" Jonathan asked him as they sat by the water away from the guys and the water lapped at their ankles.

Evan raised a brow, "Is that a rhetorical question?"

Jonathan laughed, "Yeah, now that I think about it. No, I was just thinking that it's sort of weird the way we are. How touchy feely we are, ya know?"

Evan inhaled and stared out at the water, "It's not weird to me. I'm used to you. I sleep better with you, I hold your hand to keep you calm, to keep me calm. I've never been close to anyone like I am with you. Never had such a good friend that knew me like you do now."

Jonathan stared at him for a long moment then smiled out at the water, "Neither have I."

He leaned closer and they sat like that until the sun disappeared, shoulders pressed together. They joined a big bonfire down the shore and had a blast dancing like idiots for hours to music that sang to his soul. Evan watched Jonathan as he moved with the beat, a smile gracing his face. He wet his lips and Evan thought.

_Maybe one day._


	7. Chapter 7

Jesus Christ, this one turned out longer than any other chapter. But hey, I hope you enjoy. -Els

* * *

><p>Evan was giving goodbyes to Brock and Marcel as the walked to their gates.<p>

"Til' next time, my brothers!" Marcel threw his hands up and smiled as he walked backwards.

"I'll hit you ladies up when I get home. We need to get together again soon. Peace!" Brock called out and turned.

"Holla!" Evan called out and laughed before he turned around and started back toward Jonathan. But he went slow because he could tell he was having a heavy conversation with Cartoonz.

"So, have you seen my dad around?" Jonathan asked quietly.

Luke nodded, "Just once. I was at the store." He shrugged, "He looked like shit, probably drunk. I'm surprised he hasn't died yet."

Jonathan swallowed, feeling a little sick, "Yeah, me too. Listen, we need to get together soon, hang out and do stupid shit. I can fly down or you can come up, either way. I miss you sometimes."

Luke laughed, "You better miss me. We'll hang out, don't worry about that. As long as Evan will have me, right Evan?"

Evan smiled as he walked up to them, "I don't know, man. You two together, you'd probably burn the house down."

"Nah, we'd just set the smoke alarm off a few times, maybe put some soap on the floor then make you run down the stairs." Luke winked and Jonathan laughed.

"Hell no." Evan laughed. "Seriously though, you're welcome up there whenever. Just give me a heads up."

"Yes, sir. Well guys my flight's about to board, I'm gonna head that way. You take care of yourself, Evan." Luke shook his hand and pulled him into a quick hug and said in his ear, "Take care of my boy."

Evan pulled back and caught his eye and there was something hard and serious in the way he was looking at him. But, Evan nodded. "I will."

Luke turned to his friend, "Jonathan." He hugged him tight and squeezed until Jonathan pretended to lose his breath and die on his shoulder. Luke let him go after he laughed.

He patted his cheek and messed up his hair, "I love you, man. Have a safe trip."

"Love you, too. Text me when you land, yeah?"

Luke snapped his fingers and pointed as he walked away, "You got it, little brother. See you around."

They watched him go and Evan saw something settling on Jonathan's face that he couldn't quite figure out.

"What's up?" He asked when they sat down and waited, watching the people go by until their flight was ready.

Jonathan shook his head and put his hands in the pockets of his signature blue jacket. He didn't look at him. "Nothing."

Evan chewed at his lips, thinking. He didn't want to push, but he really wanted to know. He didn't want Jonathan to keep things to himself. Evan wanted to be the one there for him, the one that listened.

"You know you can tell me anything, right?" He tried and Jonathan's mouth curved up in a grin and he nodded.

But then he looked over at him, "Yeah. But not _everything_."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Jonathan shrugged and gave a quiet laugh. "I'll let you know one day. But, not today."

Evan wanted to protest, but he couldn't. Not when Jonathan was looking at him like that, grinning sweetly, squinting slightly. It was like he was waiting for him to retaliate, to push just a little even though he wouldn't give up what was on his mind. Not until he was ready to.

Evan sighed lightly and let his arm rest on the back Jonathan's seat, "Okay."

Then he smiled and Evan thought he was used to the feeling it gave him, but for two days now the feeling had been amplified by ten. Now he had to fight the feeling down and hold back the urge to press their faces together. It was fucking infuriating.

"Are you home sick?" He asked, trying to change the subject and what Jonathan said next made his heart hurt.

"I feel pretty at home with_ you_ . . . so, no." Jonathan said and closed his eyes, letting his head fall back against his arm. Evan couldn't speak, he just smiled even though Jonathan wouldn't see it.

He felt good, so good. It was new and he didn't really know what it was, but he wanted to keep it. He wanted to keep the warmth that was settling in his chest when Jonathan wrapped his fingers around his when they walked to their gate in a comfortable silence. He wanted to keep the feeling of his skin against his, so fucking soft and perfect and home. He felt like home.

* * *

><p>"Rory, this is Jonathan. Jonathan, Rory." Evan introduced them as his friend came inside. "I've known this guy since grade school. He's a little punk ass, but you know."<p>

Jonathan laughed and shook his hand, "We'll get along fine, then."

Rory smiled, "One question, Jonathan."

"Ugh." Evan rolled his eyes and walked off.

Jonathan grinned. "What's that?"

"What is your all time favorite movie?" The brunette asked and crossed his arms, waiting.

Jonathan hummed in thought and took a sip from his beer, "Twister."

Rory's hands shot up in the air and he yelled, "Haha! Yes!"

"Get the fuck out, Rory!" They heard Evan's voice coming through open back doors and laughed.

Rory gave Jonathan a light slap on the arm and headed towards the kitchen where he stored his drinks in the fridge, pulling out a cold one. "Twister is mine, too."

"Did we just become best friends?!" Jonathan said. Rory spun and nodded dramatically. "Yep!"

"Hey, Ev. Is Vanessa still coming?" Rory asked when they walked onto the back porch with the rest of the guys that had come.

"Yeah, she's got to drop Kate off at her sister's house first." Evan said without turning from the grill.

"Dude, Jonathan." Micah, one of Evan's hockey buddies spoke up with a mouth full of casserole. "What is this? It's like an orgasm in my mouth."

Jonathan winked at him, "Ancient Chinese secret."

Evan looked up at him and grinned and in Jonathan's opinion it was the sexiest thing he'd ever seen.

"Don't say it." Evan warned.

Jonathan broke into a smile, "So you should ask Evan."

"Oooooh!" The guys hollered and burst into laughter. "Damn son, you just got called Chinese!"

Evan came off the porch faster than Jonathan could process it and was tackled into the pool, the warm water swallowed him whole. They moved slow beneath the water and he felt the tip of Evan's nose dragging across his stomach as he rose. His lips caught his chest and when they surfaced, their faces were way closer than they should've been. Evan shook his head like a dog, showering Jonathan with more water as he laughed.

He jumped, putting all of his weight on Evan's shoulders pushing him back under. He tried to make his escape while he could but felt strong hands catch his feet and they pulled yanking him down again. Evan laughed and crawled onto Jonathan's back, wrapping his arms around his neck and legs around his waist. Jonathan was literally holding all his weight.

"Shit! You're heavy, you fuckin' monkey." Jonathan laughed and tried to keep them both above the water and make it to the shallow end.

"Just take it back and I'll let you go." Evan said deeply in his ear and he tried to fight the goosebumps forming on his neck. He felt Evan's lips brush the edge of his ear and then he was fighting back heat and what would surely be a terrible erection. He gasped when Evan tightened his whole body around him.

Jesus fucking Christ.

"I take it back! I take it back! I didn't mean it! You're not Chinese!" He screamed, more like pleaded, hoping Evan would let him go and increase the distance between them. Quickly.

"Booo, Jonathan! You suck!" They guys called out and laughed. "We thought you would hold out longer than that!"

He laughed it off after Evan unwrapped himself and swam away, much to Jonathan's approval. He swam to the edge of the pool and caught a beer as Rory tossed him one. He uncapped it and drank half in one go. It was a close call and he sighed gratefully when the heat in his gut finally made itself scarce and stayed gone for the rest of the day.

Evan was lying in a chair next to Vanessa as they soaked up the sun, he squinted behind his aviators. Jonathan was with the other four guys in the pool with another beer in hand, laughing his ass of at something Brett said. Probably something embarrassing about Evan from school, he was sure.

Then he heard them swapping tattoo stories and Evan watched him across the way, knowing Jonathan couldn't see his eyes. But, he looked his way on many occasions, smiling and it was doing its job making Evan flustered. He sat up straighter in his chair and Vanessa laughed lightly beside him.

"What?" He glanced at her.

She got up and turned, laying on her stomach and smiled at him, "Oh, nothing. It's entertaining to watch you."

Evan thought for a moment but came up empty, "Watch me?"

"Yes. It's cute the way you get frustrated over him." She rested her head on her hands and waited for his response. "I'm not blind, Evan. So don't try to make an excuse for this one."

He opened his mouth and looked at her, closing it again before he shrugged. "He's extremely frustrating."

"Why, because you like him? Or have you not figured that part out yet?" She smiled when he looked at her again and shook his head. He was adorably confused about it and she'd known for a while. "It's okay, you'll figure it out eventually. But I'll go ahead and tell you that I wish someone would look at me the way you two look at each other."

He sighed, pushing his glasses back and rubbing his eyes. "I need another drink. You want something?"

"Sure, anything will do." She grinned up at him as he stood. He walked toward the house and she watched Jonathan, his eyes were on Evan the entire time. She didn't bug Evan about it for the rest of the night, but gave him a wink when she left to go get her daughter. He had smirked, but gave her a warm drunk hug and waved her off.

"Drive safe, Ness."

She put a hand on his face, "You ever need to talk, you call me. Okay?"

He nodded.

When he started feeling more like a little brother than just a really good friend, she couldn't remember. But she loved him to death and would do anything for him, she'd even help him figure out that he was in love with his best friend because he sure as hell hadn't figured it out yet.

* * *

><p>"Oh! I made dessert, almost forgot!" Jonathan hopped up from the step on the pool and ran inside. He stumbled a little when he pulled open the refrigerator. Evan was coming out of the bathroom at the same time and laughed.<p>

"How drunk are you?"

Jonathan shrugged and started laughing at himself. "A lot."

"You're a lot drunk?" Evan giggled, he was pretty far gone himself, he could hardly see straight.

"Yeah." Jonathan waved him over lazily, "Come try this, make sure it's good."

"I'm sure it's amazing, master chef." Evan said but walked over to him anyway. Jonathan pulled out a home made cheesecake that had blueberry and strawberry swirl it. Instead of grabbing the spoon that was right there on the counter, he stuck his finger in it and then held it to Evan's lips, all the while biting his bottom lip trying not to laugh at everything that moved.

Evan flicked his tongue out first then took his whole finger in his mouth, sucking the cheesecake off. He pulled back with a small pop and Jonathan's face was flushed, but that was probably just the alcohol.

"Mm. Best thing I've ever put in my mouth." Evan said and smiled at him.

"My finger or the cheesecake?" He asked and then rubbed his lips together.

"Both." Evan winked and Jonathan pushed him with a stupidly sexy smile. Evan was feeling way too hot.

"Perv."

Evan laughed, "You asked."

"I'm just fuckin' with you."

"I know."

"I know you know." Jonathan grinned as he got more forks out for everyone.

Evan moved around him and poured himself a glass of tea. He took a swallow and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.

"Well, I'm glad you like it." Jonathan smiled at him again and Evan didn't listen to the voice that always held him back, because he was so tipsy he couldn't hear it. Evan grinned lazily, hummed, and placed a soft kiss on Jonathan's freckled shoulder.

"It was amazing, thanks for cooking today." He said softly and let the back of his fingers run down Jonathan's side before he walked away.

He heard a quiet, "You're welcome." And he rejoined the guys and Jonathan returned shortly, this time with plates of cheesecake. The guys nearly died over it, begging Evan to let them take Jonathan home and stow him in their own pantry for safekeeping.

Jonathan kept catching Evan's stare as he sipped at his tea, sitting on the opposite side of the fire pit in the yard. The flames were flickering in his deep brown eyes and at times they seemed gold, like honey. And then he would smile at something, anything, then look in his direction. Jonathan curled his toes at how bad he wanted him. A kiss would be nice, just one. Like the one he almost got a month ago after Evan found him at the convention. Jonathan shivered at the memory, exhaled at the fucking fire that was burning through him.

Or maybe it wasn't an almost kiss, maybe it was just extremely amplified concern that had Evan grabbing his face and breathing hot worried breath against his lips.  
>Whatever it was, he looked up at Evan again who was still staring into his soul, he wanted it for the rest of forever.<p>

It was late, midnight late and Evan was showing his friends out the door, Andy was driving the boys home since he made himself the designated driver earlier that evening.

"Be careful, you guys!" Evan called into the night as they pulled out of the driveway.

Micah was nearly hanging out of the window, "Hey! Your boy is pretty cool, bring him around for some hockey next time!"

"I will!"

Evan waved one last time then shut and locked his front door. He took his time walking to the pool, the floor was trying to move out from beneath him.  
>Jonathan watched Evan raise his arms above his head and stretch. His swimming shorts were dangerously low on his tan hips. Jonathan went under and kicked off the side of the pool, letting the water slow him down to a crawl.<p>

Evan was too drunk for his own good, he should have stopped an hour ago, but he was feeling too warm and fuzzy and touchy feely. Jonathan came back up looking like Paul Walker in a Davidoff commercial and Evan nearly let an embarrassing sound escape his lips.

Evan slipped into the water and smiled at him feeling gutsy all of a sudden, "Let's play twenty questions."

Jonathan gave a short laugh as Evan swam in a tight circle around him. His iPod was still playing endlessly in the background and it was just the two of them. "Ask away."

"Is it safe to swim while we're drunk?" Evan asked.

"Probably not, but you'll be fine as long as I'm here." Jonathan grinned.

"Why is that?"

"Cause I'm H2O Delirious, bitch."

"Ohh yeah!" Evan started laughing and almost couldn't stop. Jonathan pulled him along to the steps so they could drink and laugh and not worry about slipping under.

"Twenty questions!" Evan sputtered still giggling. "Your turn, baby."

Jonathan rolled his eyes at the endearment, but laughed. "Let's see. Uhh, what's your favorite tv show?"

"Walking Dead, easy." Evan said, "If you could have sex with any celebrity who would it be?"

Jonathan almost snorted, "That escalated quickly. Um, probably Channing Tatum or Jake Gyllenhaal."

"Why?"

"No, my turn." Jonathan elbowed him, "Who would you have sex with?"

"Hands down, Paul Walker." Evan smiled, "Now, why Channing or Jake Gyllenhoweveryousayit?"

Jonathan leaned back against the steps and looked up at the stars in the midsummer sky. "The muscle. It's the sexiest thing on a guy. And I just really like Jake Gyllenhaal's face, he's fuckin' hot. Why Paul Walker?"

Evan shrugged. "Cause he trumps every other celebrity crush ever. His eyes mostly, so blue, and his sandy brown hair. The tan skin like he lives on the beach or something, probably smells like coconut . . . or pine."

Evan went quiet and listened to Jonathan quietly agree beside him. "Mhm." And then it hit Evan that he pretty much described Jonathan, minus the tattoos and the pierced ears, which were totally sexy and he just really wanted to clamp his teeth down on something.

"Your turn." Jonathan whispered.

Evan watched the stars stutter and shine against the atmosphere. "Who's your favorite YouTuber?"

"Seriously, why would even ask that?"

Evan just giggled.

"You." Jonathan said and looked over at him. "Obviously."

He smiled and swam back into the water. Evan followed him watching the water glide off his skin and there was that gutsy feeling again. Jonathan came up and had his back against the wall, wiping the water from his face.

Evan went under and opened his eyes slowly floating closer until his outstretched fingers touched Jonathan's hard stomach. He felt him flinch and then relax as he swam closer pressing his hands against his warm skin. He let them slide up his torso to his chest and as he broke the surface and took a breath he let them fall and settle on his hips. Evan pressed him into the wall and listened to his breath as it faltered. He shook his head and the water fell around them, then Jonathan's fingers were on his arms, gripping him tight.

Evan couldn't stop, his head was full of fuzz and very hot thoughts and Jonathan's body was nice against his. He let out a pent up breath and dragged his lips up Jonathan's neck, to his ear. The man shivered.

Evan pulled his fingers up to his chin, tilting Jonathan's head back as he let his teeth run across his jaw line.

"Evan."

Jonathan muttered, his breathing was labored, his heart out if control, his grip tightening. Evan's thumb was dragging across his lips until he pushed down, opening his mouth. Brown eyes met blue and Evan couldn't think.

"Evan, stop." Jonathan said faintly against his lips as they barely touched. Evan felt something heavy pushing him back.

"No." He practical growled and tried to press their lips together. He let out a breath of frustration when everything got remarkably brighter.

"Evan, wake up."

He blinked hard and when he opened his eyes he was in his bed holding his hand up to the light that was filtering in through his window. His nose was against Jonathan's face, his lips on his jaw.

"Oh my God, shut the curtain." He said in a scratchy voice.

"I would, but you've been trying to rape my face for an entire minute now." Jonathan said and laughed when Evan pulled back and looked at him.

"I have?"

Jonathan rubbed his face and tried to move, that's when Evan realized he was laying all over him. He rolled off of him and watched him get up and shut the curtain. There were barely visible scratch lines on his chest and neck and Evan swallowed, feeling the heat on his face.

"I'm sorry." Evan sat up in the bed and rubbed the back of his neck. "I didn't mean to."

"Don't worry about it. I managed to hold you off." Jonathan grinned and sat at Evan's computer, powering it up.

"When did we go to bed last night?" Evan asked and cleared his throat. Jonathan didn't turn around from the screen and Evan watched him mindlessly rub at the scratches on his neck.

"After you walked the guys out. Midnight-ish. You almost passed out in the living room, but I got you up the stairs before you turned into dead weight." He looked back and grinned.

"We didn't get back in the pool first?" Evan asked cautiously.

"No." Jonathan shook his head. "We went to bed and I woke up when you rolled over on me and tried to eat me."

Evan rubbed his lips together, trying not to laugh at the image. "Sorry."

So it was a dream. Everything about the pool after he said goodbye to the guys was a dream. Well thank God, he didn't know if he could look at Jonathan sober knowing he had felt him up and tried to kiss him while he was drunk. But it was a good dream. He grinned to himself and got out of the bed in search of food in the kitchen. Jonathan was soon behind him and Evan pouted at him.

"I'm hungry." He rubbed his belly dramatically and Jonathan stuck his lip out before walking over and brushing Evan's bed head hair off his forehead.

"Aww, does baby want some pancakes?" He grinned when Evan nodded and laughed. "And bacon?"

"Yesss, that sounds fucking wonderful." Evan smiled and let his head fall on Jonathan's shoulder. The same one he kissed last night. Now that was something he _did_ remember and that wasn't a dream.

"Mm." Jonathan's fingers rubbed at his back and then ruffled his hair before he started pulling food and pans out of the cabinets. It didn't take him long to cook and Evan sat at the island on a stool and scrolled through his phone while Jonathan fried and stirred. He was still in his briefs, which was normal, he and Evan had reached the walking around in underwear together stage a long time ago. But it was extra hot today. His muscles were pulling under his skin here and there and his bed head was ridiculously attractive. And his ass. Yes, his ass was very nice.

He snapped a picture of him from behind as he cooked, a hand towel thrown over his shoulder.

He sent it to Brock. _"Help me."_

Brock replied almost instantly, _"Lord, Jesus. House Husband of the year right there!"_

Evan grinned lazily and watched a few videos on his phone while Jonathan's food filled the house with amazing smells.

"The guys like you." Evan said as they sat together and ate, sipping on freshly juiced oranges. "They want you to come play some hockey some time."

"Never played hockey in my life, or watched it for that matter." Jonathan said as he bit down on a piece of toast.

"It's easy and it's fun. Kind of brutal, but fun." Evan shrugged and bit into a piece of bacon. "Mm. Shit this is good."

Jonathan mumbled in agreement. "Well, I'd be down for skating or just watching. I'd rather save myself the embarrassment for now."

"Okay." Evan grinned warmly at him as they ate the rest of their breakfast in silence except for when Jonathan giggled as he started watching Daithi's latest animated video his friend had done for him. It was a video that was about Evan and himself and a stupid skit they'd done on GTA a few weeks ago.

"What time are we playing today?" Jonathan asked as he rinsed off his plate.

"In about two hours. Let's grab a shower and head to the store. We should be done before then. I need to mail off a card to my sister, too, her birthday is in two days."

"Alright." Jonathan gave him a nod and moved over so Evan could wash his plate. They were shoulder to shoulder, hair a mess on both heads, and content grins set on their faces. Jonathan never wanted this to end, he never wanted to leave, never wanted to move on from what he and Evan had. It was perfect.

He dried his hands and Evan grinned at him, "Thank you."

Jonathan turned, smiled smoothly, then pressed a small kiss to his shoulder. "You're welcome."

He made his way to the washroom and glanced back at Evan who was still standing there at the sink, motionless. Jonathan bit back a laugh and started his shower. Evan probably didn't think that he remembered that last night, but it had been fresh on his mind since it happened. Just like how Evan had groped the hell out of him this morning and ran his lips all over him. Now that would be on his mind forever, and more than likely while he was in the shower.

It took them only an hour to get groceries and run by the post office so Evan could send his sister Lynn a present and a card.

_To my dear sister, whom I love to hate, Happy Birthday. (:_

* * *

><p>Back at home, Evan was setting up a game on Call of Duty Prop Hunt. Jonathan joined soon with the guys and they duked it out.<p>

"No, Delirious. No fucking way." Evan said shaking his head, Jonathan had found the perfect spot wedged against a wall. "That is the best spot, hands down. That beats Mini's mattress!"

"What?! Nothing is better than my mattress!" Craig yelled. "My beautiful stained mattress."

"Oh man, I hate you. That is so good." Evan groaned.

Jonathan chuckled, "No, you love me. Now scram!"

"Yeah I do, so scoot over and let me be with you!" Evan laughed and then it started. The squeals.

"You what? Evan you what?" Tyler yelled.

"Oh my God!" Evan laughed. "Just let me stay, Delirious. They're coming!"

"If you love me, you'll leave me!" Jonathan said.

"Oh come on! That's not fair!" Evan whined. "I'll go hide the cookies and never tell you where they are."

Brock gasped, "Damn, Evan, that's cold."

"I'll make you get on your knees and beg." Evan said and Marcel sounded like he was dying. He could hear someone getting closer.

"I bet you'd like that." Jonathan said and Evan grinned.

"I'd love it."

"Haha! Jesus, go get married you two. I can't take it anymore." Mini laughed.

"Okay, Evan. Get up here, quick!" Jonathan finally moved his lamp over from the shelf on the wall and Evan jumped and landed next to him, transforming into a book.

"We are flawless." Evan said and he heard Jonathan giggle.

"Flawless lesbians!"

"Brock, will you be my best man at the wedding?" Evan said as his character ran past the two of them sitting against the wall.

"Hell yes I will!" Brock turned around, "Twenty seconds guys! Noob tubin' time!"

"Oh shit." Jonathan muttered.

"Shh, Delirious, look at me. Look into my eyes!"

"You don't have any!"

"I think I see them!" Marcel yelled but he wasn't even close. Evan held his breath as Marcel ran by followed by Mini.

"Operation big foot?" Evan asked.

"No! No, no, no! You said this spot was amazing, don't fucking blow it at the last second, Evan!" Jonathan pleaded.

"Alright, alright. Next round." He laughed and they counted down until they won the round. Evan kept his word and didn't give up their spot, but they made it a new thing of theirs. They'd pair up and try to find the best spots on every map. It pissed the guys off when they got really good at it. Two hours went by and Evan had enough footage for a good montage of him and Delirious to last an entire video. They played late into the night with Lui on GTA until he got what footage he wanted and then they said goodnight. Evan kicked his ceiling fan on and hit his bed.

"Are you gonna eat me in my sleep again?" Jonathan asked as he flopped down beside him. Evan grinned and rolled over, throwing an arm over Jonathan's stomach. "Can't make any promises."

Jonathan gave a small warm laugh and slowly fell asleep with Evan's weight against him. He woke in the middle of the night to Evan's face buried in the crook of his neck and he smiled to himself. It was so fucking nice, but it hurt knowing he couldn't grab him in the morning and kiss the shit out of him like he wanted to.

Jonathan had tried to listen to Luke and Brock's advice,_ just kiss him and see what happens, probably nothing bad_. But he couldn't convince himself to make that move. He knew in the end if anyone was to make that leap it would have to be Evan. If Evan even wanted to at all. So here he was, lying in the bed with the guy he was desperately in love with, tracing his spine with his fingertip, imagining what could be. Evan flinched and Jonathan stopped.

"Why did you stop?" Evan mumbled. "That thing you're doing, keep doing it."

Jonathan didn't speak, just kept his fingers running in circles down Evan's smooth back. He shivered and mumbled something against his neck, but he didn't understand any of it. He kept going until he couldn't hold his eyes open any longer and Evan's tight grip held him place until the morning light woke him up again.

For the next few weeks the temperature started to drop ever so slowly and Jonathan was milking what he could out of the sun and the pool. He spent every last second in it until it was too cold to bare. Evan was used to the cold and could still walk around nearly naked, but not Jonathan. He was wearing basketball pants and a long sleeve shirt as soon as the temperature hit fifty degrees in August. Evan had to practically lay on top if him at night to keep him warm.

"You're like a fucking heater." Jonathan said against his ear. "It's amazing."

"Mhm." Evan nodded. "Now go to sleep. Luke will be here tomorrow then you can go sleep on him."

He felt Jonathan smile, "No. I'd rather not."

"Why?" Evan pushed. He wanted to hear Jonathan say he didn't want to be in anyone else's bed but his. He really wanted to fucking hear it.

"Because, his beard. It's terrible. Have you ever experienced massive amounts of facial hair rubbing up against your face?"

"No."

"Well it hurts and it's all scratchy."

"Like when you haven't shaved for a week and it gets kind of scruffy looking and then you tickle the shit out of me with it?"

Jonathan laughed and nodded against the side of his face, "Yeah, but way worse than that. I'd rather sleep with you anyways."

There it was. Evan felt the satisfying tingling warmth that came with those words run all the way down to his toes. He hummed and he knew he was grinning like an idiot in the dark. He was also glad Jonathan couldn't see it. Evan really just wanted to turn his head and close the space between them, but he let it stay there instead and let the thought simmer.

"Why?" He asked again and he listened to Jonathan give a cute huff of annoyance.

"You know why."

"Can I hear it?"

He huffed again. "I want to sleep in here with you, because you are my own personal dream catcher and space heater. I cannot last one night without your hot body next to mine. I would freeze and die. Are you happy?"

Evan smiled and gave a small laugh, "Very happy. Are you?"

Jonathan sighed and wiggled himself closer, trying to eat up all the heat he could. "Pretty darn."

* * *

><p>"So, where is he gonna sleep?" Evan asked he was riding shotgun in the Jeep on their way to the airport to pick up Cartoonz.<p>

"He can sleep in my room." Jonathan stated casually.

Evan raised a brow at him.

"What?"

"Where does he think you're gonna sleep then?" Evan held a hand up in confusion.

"Evan." Jonathan gave him a look, a really fucking stupid, cute look. "_He knows_. He's been a best friend to me long before I met you. I tell him almost everything. And before you freak out, he's cool with it."

Evan opened his mouth but shut it when he couldn't think of anything to say. So, Luke knew they slept together. Okay.

"Okay." He said and Jonathan smiled at him. That smile always did wonders.

* * *

><p>"Alright boys. Catch me if you can!" Evan said and took off on the ice, spinning, weaving, doing fucking magic as he guided the puck across the rink. Micah was on his tail, reaching, but Evan was better. He put on the brakes and spun to the side, sending Micah face first into the ice. Evan glided around him and made the goal.<p>

"Ohhh!" Luke cupped his mouth and yelled. Jonathan laughed and watched in amazement as the perfect creature that was Evan practically made a fool out his friends. He retrieved the puck and headed back down to the other end, shooting Jonathan a smile as he passed. He dodged Andy and Brett who were relentlessly attempting to take him out now instead of taking the puck. Rory had given up and was standing by him and Luke on the wall.

"Honestly, I don't even know why we play this damn game with him anymore. He knows he's going to kick our asses."

They watched as the three tried to take out the one, failing miserably. A tap on the back of Jonathan's shoulder startled him. He turned and found Vanessa grinning up at him with Kate in tow.

"Hey, lady!" He gave Vanessa a warm hug and Kate practically crawled up his leg and onto his hip. "What's my favorite girl been up to?"

"Not much, homie!" She squeaked and they all laughed.

"What have you been feeding her, Ness? She's gotten so big!"

"Oh you know._ Beans_." She shrugged and Jonathan smiled, at one point in time he would have been really attracted to her. She was beautiful, blonde, funny, delicate. But then there was Evan; hilarious, dark-headed, rock-hard, and too sexy for his own good. And he'd take that over anything.

Once Evan was done kicking ass on the ice, Jonathan made his way onto the rink once he helped Kate into her shoes. Vanessa had gone upstairs and put music on overhead that they all could skate to. Once she came back, Rory grinned.

"So, Ness."

"Not now, Rory." She rolled her eyes. "You can go on a date with me, but only after I've got Evan to admit he's gay for his man friend."

"Ha!" Luke laughed. "Good luck with that. We have been trying to do that for months now. All they do is have casual eye sex and skirt around the fact that they want each other."

"Thank God, I though I was the only one who saw it." Rory laughed.

"Well, Rory, help us then." Vanessa grabbed his shoulder. "Go over there and chat it up with Jonathan. I want to see how jealous Evan gets."

"If I get punched, Ness . . ."

She huffed, "Than I'll owe you a kiss, too. Now go!"

They watched Rory head into the danger zone and pick up Kate's other hand as Jonathan helped her around the ice.

He looked up and smiled, "Sup, Rory?"

He shrugged, "Not much. Just trying to win over Vanessa by loving on her child."

"This little squirt, how could anyone not love her?" Jonathan laughed when Kate stuck her tongue out at him. "So, you dig Ness?"

"Always." He nodded. "Since, like, high school."

"Dang." Jonathan said, trying to watch his language around Kate.

Rory laughed, "Yeah, dang indeed." He glanced around and caught Evan's eye as he slid across the ice. He grinned at him and Jonathan as he passed, but Rory saw through it. He saw the bristles of Evan's defenses standing up even if they were invisible. He knew Evan well and Evan was practically screaming HANDS OFF behind that grin. They came around the corner and Vanessa gave him a thumbs up. Yes, it was working. He laughed and shook his head.

"What?" Jonathan's asked. The guy was so fucking oblivious.

"Nothing."

"Up, up!" Kate reached her hands in the air and Rory took her in his arms. "Go fast!"

"Alright, punk. You asked for it!" He said and she squealed in happiness as Rory put her on his back, she threw her arms around his neck and held on tight. Jonathan watched him take off, Kate laughing as he flew around the rink at top speed.

"He's so fucking jealous." Luke chuckled.

Vanessa's face was hurting from smiling so hard. "Look how stinking cute! He can't stand it, he's got to go touch him. Ha! I knew it. In love, I tell you."

She and Luke laughed and high-fived.

Jonathan was grinning as Rory flew past him with Kate waving. But then someone caught his hand and he was being pulled out on the ice. Evan looked back at him as he kept going. "Come on!"

Evan let him go and they took off side by side. Jonathan would be lying if he said he wasn't using everything he had to keep pace with Evan. Micah, Brett, and Andy were behind them soon and even Luke and Vanessa joined in. The music was loud and totally eighties, Jonathan's favorite. He couldn't wipe the smile from his face as they raced around and around endlessly.

"Spin to win?!" Evan called out and he heard everyone chant a "heck yeah!".

"The hell is spin to win?" He asked Evan and he looked over at him with a mischievous smile.

"One person stands in the middle and shouts out SPIN and we all turn around and skate backwards and vise versa. If you crash and burn you're out. Last man standing!" Evan winked and Jonathan threw his head back and laughed.

"Alright, let's do it!"

Vanessa took Kate and stood in the middle and a few suspenseful minutes went by until they heard, "Spin!"

Jonathan's heart jumped as he flipped himself around and smoothly skated backwards. Evan was a few paces behind him now, so he'd have room to get out of the way if someone fell.

"Spin!"

He turned around and and he saw Luke bite the dust. He rolled out of the way as everyone kept going. "Go on without me brothers!"

Jonathan gave him a salute and he heard Evan's rich laughter behind him. It took a few minutes for someone else to fall, but when they finally did Andy cursed.

"Damn it!" He rolled out of the way as Jonathan slid past him grinning.

"So who's the reining champion at this game?" Jonathan hollered for everyone to hear.

He heard Micah across the ice, "Who do you think?"

Jonathan chanced a glance back at Evan, who looked up at him smiling again. He held his arms out and Jonathan appreciated how tight his white shirt was on his arms. "You wanna take me?"

Jonathan intentionally looked him up and down and said, "I'd love to."

The look on Evan's face was worth it, a gorgeous grin that could melt the ice they were on and more. It melted everything Jonathan had and lit a fire in it's place.

"Spin!"

And down went Brett. Rory ate dirt two minutes later. Everyone was getting tired, even Evan was starting to sweat. But Jonathan kept pushing, shedding his jacket and sporting his black Vanoss shirt instead. He liked the way Evan looked at him when he wore it, it was personal.

It was down to him, Evan, and Micah. And as fate would have it, gravity pulled down Micah, leaving just Evan behind him. He could hear his skates clipping the ice and he felt a shiver of anticipation run up his spine, the hair stood up on his head.

"Come on Jonathan, you got this!" The boys encouraged him. "Sudden death! Face to face, back to back!"

"What does that mean?" Jonathan yelled as he kept making his corner.

"Means one of you need to turn, so when you spin again, you're face to face, then back to back. It gets crazy when you're looking at each other trash talking!" Brett said.

Jonathan nodded and bit the bullet, turning on the spot as the beat of the music urged him on. He smiled when he met Evan's stare head on as he skated backwards.

"Come at me, bro." He said and Evan rolled his eyes.

"Spin!"

Now he was facing forward, Evan was skating backwards.

"Spin!"

His heart lurched everytime they got to be face to face. It made him feel something along the lines of being prey. It felt like he was taunting him, just begging him to chase and catch him. Jonathan blew a kiss his way and Evan pretended to catch it with his hand, then acted like he was going to drop it.

"How rude!"

Evan smiled and put it in his pocket. "I'll save it for later."

Jonathan smiled and inhaled when they had to spin again. He had to get Evan to go down. He was running out of energy and his heart was out of control. When they turned again he gave him an evil grin and started to slide his hand up his shirt, taking note of how Evan followed the motion. Jonathan started to pull his shirt up and over his head and that's when he heard a thud on the ice and an overwhelming symphony of cheers. He pulled his shirt back down and looked back to find Evan lying flat on the ice, hands over his face in defeat.

"Jonathan, you are the man! Get over here!" He laughed as they slapped him on the back and shoulder.

"Evan, babe, it's okay to lose!" Micah called over his shoulder at the body still lying in the floor.

Jonathan squeezed his way out from the group and made his way over to Evan and gently pulled his hands away from his face. "I'm sorry."

Evan narrowed his eyes at him and yanked him down, their faces almost touched and Jonathan could feel his face heating up. Evan grinned. "You cheated."

"No. I was just using my surroundings." Jonathan smiled and sat back. "It's fine if you want to call it cheating just to cover up the fact that you totally face planted because of my hot body."

"No." Evan laughed as Jonathan pulled him up. "You won fair and square. I got . . . distracted."

Jonathan felt the heat even itself out throughout his body again, the normal tingling in the back of his mind resumed its usual place as he felt Evan's eyes stay glued to him for the rest of the evening. He kept meeting those brown eyes as they all ate around a hibachi grill downtown and he kept feeling his fingers brushing against his while they walked around the city.

Jonathan wanted to hold his hand but he only initiated it once a month ago at the airport. All other times it was Evan and these were Evan's friends, people he'd known his entire life basically. He wasn't sure if Evan would want them to see it or not, or if that was just something he was comfortable doing around strangers. He gave a heavy frustrated sigh, it wasn't like they were dating, but it had been awhile since he felt those warm fingers laced through his own.

Evan turned and caught his eye, like he could hear his worrying thoughts before his lips curved up into a warm smile and he took his hand in his.

"I don't care." Evan whispered and knocked shoulders with him. "Let them think what they want. If you ever want to hold my hand just do it."

Jonathan nodded and tried to hide his smile but he couldn't when he felt like this. He craved Evan's affection and attention and wanted it to always be exclusive to no one else but him. He wanted it all to himself. Every day.

Luke stayed for an entire week before he had to leave, he had a job to get back to and a woman who miss him.

"I hate to go but if I don't she'll have three stray dogs and twelve cats living there by the time I get home." Luke griped and Jonathan tried not to get emotional when he boarded his plane.

"I love you, brother. Take care."

"I love you, too. Holla when you land."

Luke had been the glue that held him together for years when he didn't think he could take the shit that life kept handing to him. Jonathan let his mind linger too long on the past and it had him sick to his stomach. He made them dinner but couldn't eat it and Evan was starting to worry.

"Tell me." He said softly as they were wrapped up in a blanket on the couch watching The Maze Runner.

"I just can't stop thinking about how stupid I was all those years ago. Thinking my dad would really come back, or that my sister wasn't really a fucking psycho, or that someone out there besides Luke didn't think that I was stupid and weird. Or that Noah wasn't an asshole, or that the way he made me feel would make up for the way he really was."

Evan heard him sniff and then he felt the tears hitting his arm as they dropped.

"And I just want to fucking forget it. All of it." Jonathan choked and Evan pulled him against his chest and let him cry his heart out because there wasn't anything he could do to make it go away or make him forget. He just held him against him, tight and secure to let him know that he wasn't alone, that he wouldn't leave him like every one he ever loved did.

Evan ran his fingers through Jonathan's hair as he calmed down. "It's okay to want to forget. But you won't. The things you regret never really go away."

He heard a quiet, "I know."

"Just think about where you are now and how you got to this point and then you'll see that it was all necessary. You wouldn't be who you are if it weren't for your past." Evan said and rubbed circles over Jonathan's back as the movie played on. "I wouldn't want you any other way."

Jonathan's fingers tightened around him in silent acknowledgement and he was quiet for the rest of the night. The credits rolled and Jonathan sat up sleepily and Evan wanted to kiss the grumpy look off his face. He wiped at it with hand instead and grinned.

"So who was your favorite?" He asked, referring to the movie.

Jonathan shrugged, "The Asian guy."

All he could do was smile in response and grab his hand. He pulled him up and into a hug, Jonathan practically sank against him.

"You good?" He mumbled against his hair and Jonathan nodded. "I'm good. Let's go to bed."

"Alright."

Evan felt something lingering in his chest for the rest of the night as he held Jonathan in his arms once they made it to the bed. He brushed his hair out of his face and watched him sleep and he couldn't tell himself it was only attraction anymore. God, it was so much more that. It was an overwhelming urge to protect him, to hold him, to kiss him, to make him smile, to get lost in those sky blue eyes.

Evan traced a finger down his nose and across his lips, down his jawline, up to the black stud in his ear that had caught the light. It flickered slightly as he breathed.  
>Evan breathed with him, matching his calm slow pace.<p>

That lingering something began to make itself permanent, wrapping itself around everything inside of him. It was an overwhelming urge, an overwhelming feeling to just . . . _love him._


	8. Chapter 8

Jonathan woke to the sound of Evan's laughter and it was quite possibly the prettiest thing to grace his ears. He rolled over to an empty bed and heard it again. He sat up and listened.

"That's awesome! I'm happy for you, Lynn. So do you know when you want to have it?"

Silence and then.

"November? Yeah, November sounds great, even though you'll be covered in snow and half the people on the guest list will get stuck on the way there, but November is good." Evan's voice was laced with sarcasm, but he laughed again and Jonathan sighed as he sat in the pile of warm blankets that Evan left behind.

"Yeah, we'll come up to Mom and Dad's for a few days and we can all stay up and bond and tell extremely embarrassing stories about each other. He'll be scarred for life, but I want you guys to meet him."

Jonathan got up and peeked through the crack in the door and Evan was leaning against the stair railing scratching his head. "Okay, Lynn. Tell Cameron that I approve and congratulations to the both of you. Yeah. Shut up, I love you, too. Bye."

Jonathan opened the door and leaned against the frame, "Did you just volunteer me to go meet your family?"

Evan looked back at him, "I did. My sister just got engaged and wants us all to hang out before the wedding in late November. You cool with that?"

Jonathan grinned. "Yeah, I'm cool with that."

* * *

><p>"Hey, you wanna do a vlog?" Evan asked as they were piled up on the couch watching commercials until The Walking Dead came back on. They could've fast forwarded since it was recordings from spring, but they didn't because it gave them time to run their mouths at each other.<p>

"Sure." Jonathan said and it took Evan by surprise.

"Really?" He sat up straighter and looked at him. Jonathan chewed down his food and shrugged.

"Yeah, why not?"

"I don't know, I've been wanting to do one. I just didn't think you'd want to do it with me."

"Why wouldn't I do it with you?"

"Because you don't want people to see your face."

Jonathan shook his head, "I don't. But I can edit over my face, or I can wear my hockey mask sometimes."

Evan laughed, "That'd actually be pretty awesome. I want to make a different channel for it though."

"We can call it . . . Vanelirious." Jonathan said and nodded to himself. "Even though that's the name of our ship."

"Evan better." Evan grinned. "You know I really don't think I'd have as many subscribers if it weren't for you."

"So you're just using me?" Jonathan asked, faking betrayal. He grinned.

"Yeah, for your hilarity and classic bad luck. It looks good on me." Evan said and Jonathan pushed at him.

"Motherfucker."

"You love me." Evan stuck his tongue out and buried his cold feet under Jonathan's leg.

Jonathan narrowed his eyes, "You're lucky that's true because your toes are cold as fuck. I can feel them through my pants."

Evan smiled and wiggled his toes, Jonathan slapped him on the leg. "Cut it out, Beavis!"

"Shhh! It's back on."

"Oh man, if they ever kill off Michonne I'll be fucking done with this show." Jonathan said.

"I'll be done if they kill Carol or Daryl. I ship them so hard." Evan said and shoved another handful of popcorn in his mouth.

"God, yes." Jonathan agreed and they high-fived. "I thought I was the only one."

"Where have you been all my life?" Evan asked and Jonathan shrugged.

"Locked up in my room playing video games with losers like you." He looked over and smiled at him.

Evan let his lips pull back into another grin, the warmth that had made itself permanent flared up and he just wanted to be closer. As close as he could get. So when they ran back to the living room when the next set of commercials were over he let Jonathan get comfortable first. Instead of laying on the other end Evan flopped down, stretched out along the length of the couch and let his head rest on Jonathan's lap. He kept getting popcorn dropped on his face, but Jonathan's fingers running all over him searching for the pieces made it worth it. An hour later as they were watching Arrow, Jonathan started playing with his hair and it nearly put him to sleep.

"Your hair is so soft. Is that an Asian thing?"

"I don't know. Probably." Evan mumbled sleepily. "Keep going."

"Keep her goin'." Jonathan said in Evan's cliché Canadian voice and Evan laughed. Jonathan grinned down at him even though he couldn't see his face. It was little moments like these that meant the most to him, moments like these that made his heart hurt all the more. He let his fingers keep running through Evan's jet black hair and he eventually went limp with sleep. He switched the tv over from Netflix so he wouldn't get ahead of Evan on the show. He watched old reruns of CSI instead for an hour or two until he couldn't hold his eyes open anymore.

When he woke he was stretched along the length of the couch, nearly buried beneath Evan, who was lying slightly lower than him, his head was resting heavy on his chest and his arms made a full circle around him. Jonathan sighed happily and fell back asleep covered from head to toe with Evan's heat.  
>He could barely remember his dream, but what he did manage to keep was warm and Evan's fingers were brushing his lips and he was whispering something in his ear and all he could do was breathe in his scent. Letting his lungs fill with the familiar and faint smell of Evan. It was very subtle, like he was far away, even though he was right there.<p>

When he woke again, he was cold, but he smelled something delicious. His stomach gave a loud grumble when he heard bacon hitting the frying pan. Jonathan sat up and stretched as he looked over the back of the couch into the kitchen. Evan was cooking breakfast tirelessly at the stove. There were plates already set on the island with homemade waffles, steaming scrambled eggs, and hash browns. Jonathan's mouth watered endlessly and he pulled out his phone when he got off the couch.

"I gotta Tweet this. It's beautiful." He said and Evan spun around with the fresh cooked bacon in hand. He smiled up at him as he put the pieces on their plates. Jonathan snapped the picture and captioned it: "My wife."

He tagged Evan then he posted it with a sly grin. Evan's phone whistled and he let out a deep pretty laugh before he retweeted it himself. Jonathan giggled about it the entire time they ate.

He winked at him. "Thanks for cooking, honey."

"You're welcome, babe."

* * *

><p>"So." Jonathan drummed his fingers against his leg as they drove. "You have an older sister, Lynn. A younger brother . . . Jamie. Your Dad's name is Lee and your Mom's name is Mailynn?"<p>

Evan nodded, "Correct. Can you guess how they came up with my sister's name?"

Jonathan laughed, "Does your Mom go by Mailynn?"

"No, everyone calls her Mai. Because when we were little anytime Lynn heard 'Lynn' she'd come running." Evan looked over at him. "Calm down, stop asking so many questions. They are totally cool, they're not going to interrogate and judge you. You're like me. They _know_ you're like me, so don't worry."

Jonathan nodded and held his hand out. Evan took it without question and threaded their fingers. His nerves were immediately soothed and he sighed with relief.

"Thank you."

"Don't mention it." Evan grinned and turned his eyes back to the road. It was only an hour drive out into what Jonathan would call the country back in the Carolinas, but this was Canadian country. There was nothing southern about it, but the air was fresh and cold, and you couldn't hear or see a car for miles.

"So why do they live all the way out here?"

"Well, we used to live close to the city for school purposes. This was just the vacation home my mom always wanted. We used to come up a lot until Lynn and I got out of school and moved out." Evan looked out at the passing forest. "It's so pretty out here. I miss it. Anyway, Mom told Dad that if they ever got to the point where they didn't need to work anymore, she wanted to wrap everything up and just live out here. So that's what they did."

Jonathan watched the trees go by and he felt the nostalgia seep in. "I love the woods. Me and my sister, when we were really little, we used to get lost in the woods all day. We'd always find our way back though when we heard Mom whistle. I mean we used to get into to some serious shit back then." Jonathan laughed. "I miss being a kid. Nothing was scary or real, it was all make believe and whatever we wanted it to be. But then we grew up."

Evan looked over at him when he heard the change of tone in Jonathan's voice. "Don't do that."

Jonathan continued to stare out the window, his breath fogging up the glass. "I'm sorry. I just feel like I was happy for about eleven years of my life and then I wasn't for the rest of it."

Evan squeezed his hand. "What about now?"

Jonathan swallowed visibly and squeezed back. "Let's just say that I wish I had met you a long time ago."

Evan gave him a warm reassuring smile and said, "Let's just say that the feeling is mutual."

Jonathan got caught in Evan's brown eyes and all the comfort they offered, the sincerity, the warmth. He got caught for only a split second before he turned them back to the road ahead, but that was all it took to make three small words crawl up Jonathan's throat. They almost escaped but the beating of his heart and the little voice inside his head stopped them short, leaving them hanging on the tip of his tongue.

In all honesty, it scared the shit out of him. It left a small pain in his chest and he just really felt like crying. Because he knew one day he wouldn't be able to hold those words back. He wouldn't be able to stop himself from ruining their friendship and everything they had with that one small phrase. Deep down he knew it would happen.

But _fucking Christ_, he loved Evan like he needed air to breathe.

* * *

><p>"Heyyy, Mama." Evan called as they got out of his car. She was stepping off the front porch looking just as beautiful as ever, her long black hair that was ever so slowly turning gray blew in the cold wind.<p>

"There's my sweet boy. I've missed you." He wrapped her up in a hug and he made her seem so tiny. He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and she smiled up at him.

"So, this is your friend we've been hearing so much about I assume?" She said and Evan held his hand out to him. Jonathan stepped closer into the circle of Evan's arm and felt his hand settle on his shoulder.

"Yes. Mom, this is Jonathan." He squeezed Jonathan's shoulder for support and he watched Jonathan inhale. "Hi, it's nice to meet you."

He shook her hand and she smiled even wider, "You can call me Mai. No need for formalities. I'm not that old yet."

Evan laughed, "I don't know, Mom. You're getting pretty gray to me."

"Oh hush!" She gave him a light slap on the arm, but laughed. "It's nice to finally meet you, Jonathan."

"Evan." His Dad came up behind them and clapped a firm hand on his shoulder. "Good to see you, son."

"Hey, Dad." Evan turned and hugged his father hard. "It's been a while, I'm sorry."

"No we understand. We live pretty far out now and you were taking care of your own things." His father smiled knowingly and put his hand out toward Jonathan. "It's good to finally meet you, Jonathan. I've heard you've been trying to fatten my son up for the winter."

Jonathan shook his hand and smiled, "Yes, sir. It's kind of hard to live with someone who eats nothing but pizza, orange juice, and protein powder."

His dad threw his head back and laughed heartily, "I like this guy. Call me, Lee. Lynn, Cam, and Jamie are around back starting a fire for tonight. You boys make yourselves at home."

Jonathan gave a shy grin and nodded, keeping his shoulder glued to Evan's.

"Yeah, they're pretty cool." He said to Evan as they made their way to the back of his car to get their bags from the trunk.

Evan laughed, "I told you."

"Are your siblings just as cool or are they a different story?"

Evan shrugged, "Ehh, I don't know. They're cool I guess. I like them more now than when I did as a kid. That's usually how siblings work."

Jonathan nodded, "So I've heard."

Evan bit his tongue. "I'm sorry."

"Why are you apologizing?" Jonathan gave a small laugh, trying to shrug it off but Evan knew what he would be thinking about for the next hour. "It's not like you knew that I didn't have a normal family or a normal life."

Evan sighed through his nose and let his cold fingers grab at Jonathan's arm. "Hey, once upon a time I didn't know that, but I do now and I want you to have one." He looked around for the words, "I want you to have all of that. A normal family and a normal life. So, my family is your family." Evan pointed at himself, "_I'm_ your family."

Jonathan was looking at him like he didn't even know who he was. He watched him search his mind for words, almost say something, then lock it back up in his head for another day.

"You're doing that thing again." Evan said and Jonathan slowly smiled and then he couldn't even feel the wind chapping his face or the cold that was starting to seep through his clothes. All he felt was Jonathan and he wasn't even fucking touching him.

"What thing?"

"You know. The thing where you look like you're going to say something, but then you don't." Evan said scrunching his brows together. "I don't like it when you do that. I wish you would just say what's on your mind."

Jonathan looked at his feet and then back up at him, "Once upon a time, I wouldn't have told you _shit_. But you're getting really good at coaxing things out of me."

Evan breathed, a cloud formed and was swept away with the wind. "So, does that mean you're gonna tell me?"

Jonathan shook he head, "No."

Evan groaned when Jonathan smiled again, "Fine. Let's get inside, this wind is getting ridiculous. It should calm down by the time the sun sets."

"Whatever you say, boss." Jonathan gave another grin and his dimples showed and Evan was just about done with his stupid face. He couldn't look at it without feeling warm and everything nice. All he wanted was to touch it, kiss it, devour it. He looked up at the overcast sky and sighed, frustrated.

"What's wrong?" Jonathan asked as he threw his bag over his shoulder.

Evan rubbed his eyes and looked back down at him, "Nothing, just a little tired and really fucking hungry."

"Well, good thing we brought this." Jonathan said and pulled another bag from the car that was full of food, enough to cook five big meals.

Evan grinned, excited. "My mom is going to love you."

Jonathan raised his brow and shut the trunk, "You think I'm going to cook all this by myself? I don't think so, you're helping me."

"What? I can't cook anything except breakfast and sandwiches." Evan slumped his shoulders dramatically and Jonathan rolled his eyes.

"Evan, if you can do that you can learn to cook anything. I'll show you, just like my mama showed me."

"Okay." Evan said happily and Jonathan looked at him like he was crazy.

"You are such a weirdo."

Evan pressed his shoulder into his as they walked up to the house, the wood creaking as they took the steps up to the porch. He nudged him a little before he opened the door. "I learned from the best."

Jonathan smirked, "Damn right you did."

* * *

><p>It was late in the evening, the clock had just hit five and Jonathan was dragging Evan into the kitchen while his sister laughed hysterically from the living room.<p>

"Why are you whining, Evan? You sounded so excited about it earlier." Jonathan mused and made Evan lay everything out on the counter in front of them.

"Because, I don't know what the hell I'm doing."

Jonathan grabbed his side and Evan immediately jumped away laughing, "No! There is a 'no tickling' rule in this house."

"That is a lie. Don't listen to him, Jonathan." Jamie said as he walked into the kitchen. "That's just his rule."

Jonathan narrowed his eyes at Evan before he turned to his little brother, "Why is that?"

Jamie held back a smile, "Because there was this one time-"

Evan clapped a hand over his brother's mouth and Jamie gave a muffled laugh before pulling his hand away.

"I thought we agreed to save the embarrassing stories for the fire, Jamie." Evan slapped him lightly and Jamie couldn't stop giggling to himself.

"Oh, don't worry, me and Lynn have been digging real deep." He tapped his temple. "We remember some pretty good ones. So be prepared."

Evan groaned and rubbed furiously at his face, "Why, why, why?!"

Lynn came into the room and gave Evan a sweet reassuring squeeze from behind, "Because we love you! And Jonathan is the first person you've ever brought home to meet your family. Of course we have to embarrass you in front of him."

Jonathan couldn't stop the smug grin that spread across his face when Evan looked over at him. "I'm your first? That's so sweet."

Evan bit back a smile and shrugged his sister off, "Get out, you two. He's trying to teach me life lessons here."

"Ooh, so touchy." Jamie teased and ran when Evan jumped at him.

"Don't hurt yourself, Evan." Lynn snapped her fingers at him as she walked back into the living room.

"Yeah, yeah." He called after her.

"I like them." Jonathan beamed.

"So do I, just not when they team up against me. That's the downside of being the middle child. She's the queen and he's the baby. I'm just stuck in between."

Jonathan leaned against him as he helped him sort through the food on the counter. "Yeah, but they love you. That makes it all worth it, doesn't it?"

Evan looked over into those pretty blue eyes and said, "It does."

It was always worth it, to be able to say he had a family. He had a loving one. One that wasn't torn or scattered, one that was accepting and far from judgmental. It was worth it, telling them about Jonathan and how fucking great he was and how much it meant to him that they were getting to meet him.

Very, very worth it. But it made him hurt when he thought of Jonathan, who didn't have any of that. He didn't have a family anymore, he didn't have hard headed siblings to pester or parents to support him on his decisions. He didn't have anyone, but Evan was going to be his someone. His family was Jonathan's family and he had a home now, he had someone to pester.

He had someone that loved him. He had someone that wasn't going to leave.

"What?" Jonathan asked while he was showing Evan how to make cornbread, mixing vigorously with a spoon before pouring it into his mother's cast iron skillet to be baked. Evan shook his head and continued to watch him as he taught him how to properly cut an onion.

Evan was cutting up carrots when he said, "I'm just really glad you're here."

Jonathan kept slicing vegetables, not looking up at him. But Evan could see him grinning as his long fingers worked the knife. And who fucking knew that could be such a turn-on?

Jonathan licked his lips, "You're just glad I'm here so I can cook for you."

"No." He said, taking a serious tone. "It really means a lot to me that you came."

"Why wouldn't I?" Jonathan finally looked at him. "I'd go anywhere with you."

It was a simple set of words but it kicked Evan in the gut and he knew he was fucked right then and there. He fucking knew what that warmth was wrapped around his heart every time he looked at Jonathan. Shit, he fucking knew. But he wouldn't say it. This had never happened before. Never. Not with a guy. Not with a girl. No one had ever made him feel so fucking attached to one thing. No one had ever felt like a such a lifeline that he would shrivel up and die without. Jonathan had become a necessity in his life, a constant, a cornerstone.

He heard words, saw Jonathan's lips moving, saw him smiling, laughing. His smile was so bright and his eyes were burning fucking holes into his soul and Evan just really wanted to . . . .

"Evan."

He jumped when Jonathan snapped his fingers in front of his face. "Huh?"

"You haven't heard a word I've said."

Evan gave a light laugh and rubbed the back of his neck, "No, sorry."

"It's okay. It wasn't important. I was just telling you how to make those brownies you love so much. No big deal."

"What?! Come on, that's not even fair! If you make me cook those they'll come out looking like coal and you know it." Evan whined and Jonathan laughed at his pouting face.

"Stop being so fucking cute." He said quietly, "I'll make them, don't worry."

Evan laughed, "I'm not being cute."

Jonathan huffed, "Uh, yeah you are. You're being cute and whiny and you're getting what you want. So shut up and let me cook."

"Okay, but I really want you to teach me how to do the brownies. Because if I knew how to do those right, I would cook the shit out of them all the time." Evan said and Jonathan shook his head, so he stuck his bottom lip out and watched the other man roll his eyes and scoff.

"Fine."

Evan let the smile he felt split his face and he wrapped Jonathan up in a tight warm hug. He was so heavy and so not delicate and for some reason that was sexy to Evan. He'd take the hardness of Jonathan's body over the soft smooth curves of a woman any day. He squeezed him close and Jonathan gave a dramatic wheeze.

"Are you trying to kill me?"

"Mm, no." Evan inhaled his scent and buried his face in the crook of his warm neck and just stayed. He could stay there for fucking ever if he let him. His grip tightened when Jonathan stopped struggling and relaxed in his arms. Jonathan wrapped his arms around him and turned his head into his. Evan felt his nose brush against his hair. This was by far the most intimate thing they'd done, intentionally at least. They were always touchy feely with each other but this was different. There was more meaning to this hug and Evan knew it, he didn't know if Jonathan did. But the way Evan felt him exhale and hold him closer gave him hope that he did.

"Thank you for bringing me up here. I've only been here for half a day, but I already feel more at home with your family than I ever did with mine." Jonathan said quietly and Evan felt an overwhelming happiness take hold of him, he almost wanted to cry. Instead he let Jonathan loose and pulled back, missing the feeling of him immediately. He gave him a warm smile and ran his fingers through Jonathan's hair making it stick up slightly, just the way he liked it.

"I'm glad you like it here. My family pretty much loves you, which says a lot since they're all totally dysfunctional and usually scare strangers away." Evan said.

"I love it here." Jonathan pressed his fist against Evan's stomach, then let his fingers mindlessly trace the figures on his shirt until they finally rested on his hip. "How long are we staying?"

Evan looked him in the eye, "As long as you want."

Jonathan bit back a smile, "Am I getting my way?"

Evan rolled his eyes, "Yeah. Only because you're being cute."

Jonathan laughed when Evan put a hand on his face and shoved it away. "Now teach me the way of the brownie, my master."

"Well, first you need to braid a piece of your hair into a rat tail and then . . ."

Evan laughed, "Fuck that."

* * *

><p>Lynn was watching them from the living room and was absolutely disgusted with how damn adorable they were being.<p>

"Have they kissed yet?" Jamie asked without looking up from his magazine.

Lynn sighed out of disappointment. "No. But I really thought they were going to at one point."

Jamie finally looked up, "I hope they do and I hope they stay together forever. Because Jonathan is awesome and whatever he's cooking in there smells like heaven."

"You're such a cow."

Jamie shrugged. "Man's got to eat."

* * *

><p>"Jonathan, honey. You have to leave these recipes with me, this is so delicious." Mrs. Mai was savoring every bite and Jonathan was more than pleased with himself.<p>

"I'd be happy to, Mai. I'm glad you like it." He gave her a smile before he stood from the table and went back in the kitchen to get more gravy for everyone.

As soon as he was gone all eyes were on Evan. He looked up from his plate, food falling from his fork as he glanced around at his family.

He sighed, "What now?"

His mother grin cheekily, "He's a keeper."

Evan sat back in his chair, "Mom, we're not even dating."

"Oh? I couldn't tell." She said and Lynn was giggling. He caught Cameron suppressing a smile beside her.

"Well, you totally should. Even if it's just for the food." Jamie said in between bites of roast. "He's pretty hot, too. That's a bonus."

Evan tried to be mad but he couldn't when his family was so awesome. Instead he shrugged and grinned. "Maybe one day."

The words left his mouth just as Jonathan walked back in licking something off of his finger. He placed a fresh bowl of gravy on the table and Evan probably looked stupid just sitting there staring at him as he sat back down across from him. Jonathan was wearing a plain white t-shirt with a blue plaid flannel over it and he just looked so comfortable and at home. Evan smiled at him when he looked up and caught his eye.

If his family wasn't surrounding him at that very moment he would have reached across the table, grabbed Jonathan by the shirt, and pulled him on top of the sturdy mahogany just to kiss his lips. But they were at the dinner table and that would be rude and inappropriate and he probably wouldn't do it anyway, but it was a nice thought to think about while they ate.

Evan sat with his dad by the massive fire they had going in the backyard and he watched the flames flicker high into the night sky as the stars began to show.

"He's a good guy, Evan."

"I know."

"You need to bring him around more often."

"I will." He said and looked over at his father who was getting grey around his temples and crows feet when his eyes turn up as he grinned.

"You like him?" His dad asked, his tone serious.

Evan looked back into the fire and gave a small nod. "A lot."

"Good." His dad gave him a hard pat on the back and Evan looked back at him in surprise. "Because we like him a lot, too."

* * *

><p>"So, is it true Evan's never brought anyone home before?" Jonathan ask as he cleaned up the kitchen with Mai and Lynn, because they had refused to let him do it alone.<p>

Lynn nodded, "Yes, it's true. Evan's only ever dated someone twice. Neither of which we got to meet."

"Wow." Jonathan rinsed another plate and scrunched his brow. "He looks like such a ladies man though."

Mai actually laughed, "I know. He always was the quiet one out of the three of them. Never wanted to meet anyone, never wanted to travel. He really made something out of himself though. I'm proud of him for doing what he loves."

Jonathan grinned and then Lynn was on his other side looking up at him, "So, what about you? You ever bring anyone home to Mom?"

Jonathan gave a small laugh trying not to let the heat show on his face, "Yeah, just one."

"If I had a dollar for every time Lynn brought home someone new I could've retired a long time ago." Mai said and Lynn nearly exploded.

"Mother!" She fumed. "It was not that many. Maybe, like, seven."

"Seven too many." Mai rolled her eyes. "That was just high school."

Jonathan laughed as they bickered back and forth while they cleaned up and he felt so at home he could die happy. He never thought he'd feel this again. The joy of cooking, eating, sharing good stories, and just having a good time with others.

With family.

They finished up and went outside to join the others who were already getting warm by the fire.

"Have they been harassing you in there?" Evan asked when Jonathan made a seat beside him on the cushioned bench.

"Yeah." Jonathan shrugged, "No worse than you do, so it's all good."

Lynn laughed as she took the kebabs from her fiancé, "We were just letting him in on some of your secrets."

"We have a 'no secrets' rule in this family. The fire is when we get everything out and we can all feel stupid and equal and not be judged. So if anyone has anything they want to talk about, feel free." Mai glanced around at everyone while Lynn passed around kebabs with marshmallows impaled on the ends.

Cameron cleared his throat, "I have a stupid secret. I get a sick sort of satisfaction when I clean things. It's amazing." He laughed at himself.

Jamie snorted, "Well thank God for that, because you know Lynn doesn't like to clean."

Laughs rang out into the night and everything was right in the world. Jamie fetched his guitar and played for them. He was a spitting image of Evan, only five years younger and a lot less built. His hair was long, hanging in his face as he gave his heart to his music.

Jonathan closed his eyes and let his head fall back. When he opened them the universe was staring back at him and he sighed in relief. He felt like he'd finally found his place in it. A smile crept across his face when his felt fingers wrapping around his own.

Yeah. He found his place. That place was wherever Evan was.

Evan showed him his old room that was littered with things from when he was a child. "This stuff used to be at our old home. Mom set it all up in here when they moved."

Hockey trophies and medals were taking up an entire shelf and Jonathan ran his fingers over the globe that sat dusty next to them. He shrugged his flannel off and hung it on the back of an old computer chair.

"This stuff is cool." Jonathan pulled down a photo album and leafed through it, finding a really young Evan, Micah, and Rory. He grinned and continued to look through Evan's past, completely oblivious to the guy sitting on the bed watching him.

Jonathan slept so fucking good that night. There wasn't a sound to be heard except for Evan's breathing and the howling of the wind as it ran free in the night. When he woke up shivering, Evan pulled the cover around them tighter and pressed his entire body against him. Jonathan accepted him eagerly, throwing a leg over him and tucking his head beneath his chin. Evan turned slightly and pulled Jonathan's leg up higher over his own, then let his hand slide up his thigh until it came to rest just above his hip.

And they slept for days it felt like. Every time he tried to wake up and move, Evan would pull him back under and wrap himself around him all over again. Jonathan couldn't argue with that.

Over the next three days he let Evan drag him everywhere. They went on an adventure into the woods behind the house and found his old tree fort that still had rusty knickknacks laying around. Then he took him even further until they came to a stream that led to a small lake with a pier.

"I'll bring you back up here when the lake is frozen. It's awesome." Evan said as they watched the ducks make happy ripples in the water as they paddled along. Jonathan heard a sharp whistle and he felt that stab of dread he used to feel when his mother would whistle for them to get home.

"Come on. She must have lunch ready."

She did. Hella good toasted peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Jonathan was in heaven and he really didn't want to leave when Monday came around, but they had games to play and subscribers to keep happy. Not to mention a vlog to keep up with.

"Bye Mrs. Mai, you're totally amazing. So glad I got to meet you." Jonathan smiled down at her and gave her a warm hug.

"Likewise, sweetie. You need to come cook for us again and soon."

"Absolutely." He said and turned to Evan's dad who was already pulling him into a hug. Jonathan laughed and he finally knew what it felt like to be embraced by a father figure.

"Don't fatten him up too much, Jonathan."

"I'll try not to. But he's really persuasive when he wants food." Jonathan cut Evan a look and he was grinning from ear to ear.

They shook Cameron and Jamie's hand and then were mauled by Lynn who threw herself around them. "I love you guys, please drive safe. We'll do this again soon."

Jonathan watched the trees go by until they were gone and the city lights made themselves visible in the distance once more.

Something was different about Evan and Jonathan watched him for weeks trying to figure it out. Evan was way more touchy feely than he used to be, not that Jonathan was complaining, but it was just unexpected sometimes. Like when he was editing a video and talking to Luke on Skype at the same time and Evan walked in. He pulled up a chair and helped him until Jonathan rolled his head, trying to get rid of the crick in his neck. Then Evan reached up and with just one hand, turned Jonathan to fucking mush.

"Oh my God, Evan." He nearly whimpered as his fingers worked their magic on him. It was unreal and he let his head fall forward. "Fuck, yeah."

"Hey! Don't be doing anything dirty while I'm here!" He heard Luke over the call.

Evan laughed, "We're not. I promise."

He let his hand fall to Jonathan's hip and then slide beneath his shirt where he dug his fingers into his back, pressing into his tense muscles.

Jonathan groaned and let his head hit the desk. "Fucking Christ."

"Good?"

Jonathan let out a sound that definitely meant yes and Evan was fighting back the fire he felt flaring up in his gut.

Luke coughed, "I'll just give you guys some privacy. I'll call you later, J."

"Yeah." Was all Jonathan could get out. "Never gonna get this video done."

"Want me to leave?"

"No! Don't stop, please." Jonathan laughed and Evan kept going, until he was sure Jonathan had fallen asleep with his face flat against the wood. Then he was saving his progress for him and dragging him down the hall to his bed.

Then there was the fact that Evan kissed his shoulder on a regular basis now and it was driving Jonathan insane. There was also the fact that he cuddled the shit out of him whenever he had the chance and he touched his face a lot. Even if it was just a small slap on the face or his finger on his chin to get his attention, he did it a lot.

And then there was Halloween when they were doing a skit on GTA and Evan got so defensive over him and Jonathan knew that everyone noticed it, too.

"Evan, it's okay. It was just a car, I can get a new one." He said.

"Yeah, but they don't know the fucking time you put into that. I do. And they completely fucked it before you could save it." Evan said and the irritation was clear in his voice.

"Evan."

"Jonathan."

"It's OKAY. Okay?" He tried to reason with him, but he knew Evan was still mad about it. It ended up working out for the best because the skit turned into everyone slaving over making the King of Halloween a.k.a. Delirious a new car so he could go scare the children of Los Santos.

Evan came into his room and leaned down to press his lips on his shoulder. Jonathan had to keep himself from shivering every time. "I'm sorry I got so mad earlier."

Jonathan let his head fall back and he looked at him upside down, "I told you it was okay. It's _still_ okay, so stop worrying about it."

Evan grinned down at him, "Okay."

* * *

><p>"Brock, it's bad."<p>

"How bad is bad?"

"I can't keep my hands off of him."

Brock groaned, "Evaaaaan. Just fucking do it. Kiss him or something, anything. I'm fucking begging you."

"I can't, Brock! What if he doesn't want it? I am not risking our friendship over my stupid fucking curiosity."

Brock sighed, "You won't know until you try. And for the record, we all think he's in love with you."

This time Evan groaned, "It doesn't matter. You need to _know_ and not just _think_. That is a vital piece of information."

"Evan, we can argue about this all day but in the end you're going to have to bite the bullet. Take all the time you need, but do it."

Brock ended the call, sat his phone down, and looked at the guys in Skype. "He is so close to breaking, it's not even funny."

Craig rubbed his eyes, "I don't understand what they're waiting for. They are clearly in love with each other." He flailed his hands, "I just want to grab their faces and smash them together and be like, you're welcome now go be happy with each other forever and ever and have really good hot sex."

Tyler burst into laughter, "Oh man. Can we please have a debate on who would top?"

"No! Guys, no. Just fucking no." Nogla pleaded, "I want them be a thing but I don't want to talk about their sex life if they had one. I'm leaving, good night. You focks."

Nogla left the call and Tyler laughed even harder. "He's such an ass."

"He just doesn't want to admit that he's thought about it. I have, I'm not going to lie boys." Brian said and held his hand up in surrender. "And I'll start the debate with Evan as top."

"Lui, what's your take?" Brian asked and watched Lui rub his chin in thought.

"Hmm. It's tough. Evan is bigger, he's like a tank. But Delirious isn't small either." He sat back in his chair. "I'm going to stay in between and say that they flip flop."

"Yes! That's what I was going to say." Tyler hit his desk. "They totally take turns. Well not really turns, but whoever's feeling more dominant or submissive in the heat of the moment."

Craig laughed and covered his eyes, "I can't believe we're really discussing who would fuck who, but I'm definitely pro Evan on this one."

Lui giggled, "Brock, what do you think?"

Brock rubbed his lips together, "I could go into extreme detail on why I think Evan would top, but then I could also go into extreme detail on why I think Jonathan would top, too. I seriously have invested way too much time into their relationship, it's unreal. My future happiness depends on whether or not they finally get together. They are my otp and it needs to be canon. I want it more than cold pizza on a Saturday morning."

There was a long silence and everyone gave each other an awkward stare until Tyler sat back and crossed his arms, "Well shit, Brock. That was pretty deep."

Brock laughed, "I know. Can you blame me?"

Brian shook his head, "Not at all. You've peaked my curiosity, though. I want to hear you go into extreme detail on the topping dilemma."

"It's going to be a long night then."

The guys laughed and got comfortable, "Bring it on!"

* * *

><p>Okay! End of that chapter. I'm already a good bit into writing the next one. Work sucks and I have people to dodge around while I try to get this story done, so bare with me if this takes more time than it should. Next chapter will be darker, just going to stick that out there and prepare you. So grab a furry animal to cuddle.<p>

And shout out to all my fucking awesome stalkers/reviewers. Honestly you guys just make my day over and over again with the reviews and the PMs and I don't feel so alone in the world. This ship is not so lonely anymore, everything is beautiful and nothing hurts. I love you guys. Hopefully it won't take as long for me to finish the next chapter, but I'm going. Right now.


	9. Chapter 9

"Alright, as long as none of this goes public, I'll join the debate." Marcel said after he had been invited to the call.

"No, none of this is going online trust me. Unless they actually get together and tell us it's cool to post it." Tyler said and everyone gave a laugh. "I'm only recording this for personal reasons."

Brock cleared his throat, "Okay, so the majority vote is Top Evan. Ohm, Cody, and Scott just left before you got here Marcel. Ohm and Cody voted Evan while Scott thinks that since Delirious is older he would be more experienced and would totally own Evan."

Marcel rested his head on his hand in thought, "I see. Well, we know that Evan is competitive. We also know that Delirious is shy and very insecure and Evan likes to take care of him. He's protective."

Mini clapped his hands together once and sat back, "Yes, this is going to be good!"

Marcel continued, "So, I picture Evan being the top because he's buff, he gives off a dominant vibe even though he's kind of quiet in person."

Brock sat up straighter and leaned toward his monitor, "But, Jonathan _is_ more experienced. I'm just going to throw that fact out there. He told me himself that he was bisexual about a year ago. He's dated a guy before and I can only assume that it was also physical."

"Okay." Lui spoke up. "So Jonathan has been with a guy before. It still goes back to whether or not he's a top or a bottom. And we don't know the guy he was with so we can't deduce whether or not he was older than him, younger, smaller, or bigger. None of that. We have to look at the way Evan and Jonathan are when they are together."

"Well," Brian held up his hand, "seeing them together at E3 and watching them on their vlog, you can clearly see how close they are. They're super touchy feely, but when it comes to who initiates it, it's always Evan. Yeah, Jonathan will lean all up on him, but it's Evan who throws his arms around him and grabs his hand. So, that's why I'm pro Evan on this. If he initiates the touching then he will lead in bed."

Brock nodded and crossed his arms. "Alright well, I think Jonathan would possibly top because if he's had sex with a guy before then he knows what he's doing whether he topped or bottomed. And we know that Evan hasn't been with a guy before and I can see him hesitating and Jonathan taking the lead instead."

Craig slapped his desk and everyone jumped, "I've got it!" He threw his hands in the air, "Yes! Okay, so Delirious bottoms and Evan tops. But, get this, Jonathan has the upper hand because he has to walk Evan through it."

"Yeahhh!" Brian clapped and everyone gave a laugh. "That's what I like to hear, Mini."

"Oh man." Tyler said as he rubbed his face. "And Jonathan would probably be all smug about it while he's laying there and Evan's all like, what do I do now?"

"Too fast? Too slow? Does it hurt?" Lui giggled. "Am I doing this right?"

Brock nodded, "But then once he gets it right, that's all she wrote."

Marcel shrugged, "Yep, they would have really hot sex. I can see Evan wanting to try it out the other way around though. At least once."

"Yeah and then he'd really like it and I think I just turned pro Jonathan." Tyler laughed. "But either way, I support it and I love them. Bless their children."

"Either way I'm all for it." Marcel agreed and everyone gave a collective nod.

"So, you guys up for some GMOD or something? I think Evan wanted to make a video." Brock asked.

"Yeah, we'll play." Mini said and then laughed. "I'll be thinking about them having sex the entire time, buy yeah, let's play."

* * *

><p>"Evan, cut it the fuck out. I'm scared shitless right now and you're not making it any better." Jonathan tightened his grip on the metal bars of the ski lift and Evan was filming him as he trembled in the seat.<p>

"I'm not doing anything." Evan cracked a smile and Jonathan rolled his eyes. Evan scooted closer to him which made the whole thing rock.

"No! Stop moving, Evan!" He was breathing heavy and Evan was about to laugh. But he went still and so did the lift. Jonathan relaxed when Evan put an arm around his shoulder.

"Jonathan, you're going to be fine. I've been up this thing a thousand times and in all that time no one has ever fell or had the seat come unhooked." Evan said and stuck his Go Pro in front of Jonathan's face.

Jonathan flipped it off and Evan finally laughed as they neared the top. "See, we're almost there."

"Yes, I can fucking see."

"If you're going to be an ass the whole time, we can just stay on and go right back down if you want."

Jonathan huffed, "Oh, excuse me for being scared of heights, Mr. I've-lived-in-Canada-my-entire-life-I'm-used-to-this-shit-so-why-aren't-you-Delirious?!"

Evan laughed at him and he helped Jonathan back onto solid ground as they reached the top. "Happy now?"

"Yes."

They waited until the next few seats made it up carrying Vanessa, Kate, Rory, and Micah. Evan watched Jonathan's attitude improve dramatically as soon as Kate set foot on the platform and ran to him. He swept her up in his arms and she giggled relentlessly as he tickled her.

Evan didn't take his eyes away from that smile until Vanessa poked him in the side. "Come on, handsome. Stop gawking, it's obvious."

He grinned down at her and motioned for Jonathan to follow. He led them to the skies and snowboards and grinned when Jonathan grabbed a snowboard.

"What?"

Evan bit his lip and grabbed one too. "Race you down, tough guy."

Jonathan finally pinned him with a genuine smile, "Challenge accepted."

He knew he could keep up with Evan, he used to skateboard as a kid and when the snow got outrageous in North Carolina, he'd load up with Ava, Luke, and his lady and hit the hills.

Micah grabbed a board and joined them at the launch with a smirk, "I'll smoke both of you bitches."

"Ha! Yeah, right." Evan laughed, "I haven't been up here one time where you didn't face plant halfway down."

"Well today is the day that I don't. Prepare to be amazed." Micah winked. Rory was hanging back with Vanessa and Kate with skies, taking it slow. Jonathan took a moment to put his ear buds in and press play on his phone before securing it in his pocket. The tranquil beat started and he felt his mind clear.

"One, two, three, go!" Jonathan yelled quickly and took the other two by surprise. They started down the incline kicking up snow as they weaved around people and trees. Jonathan looked back as he took on a steady pace watching Evan's tall built body glide along the snow with ease. Jonathan smiled and took a deep breath holding his arms out wide, letting the wind rush past him in a cold hurry to go nowhere. The music was pouring into his ears like liquid gold and he could feel his heart beating in time with it. He slid down to a ramp as Micah and Evan went around either side as they watched. He crouched, grabbing the board in one hand as he came off the end. Then he was in the air, his stomach dropping as he managed to spin twice before straightening his body as he landed smoothly and kept going. He was laughing as the adrenaline continued to pump through his veins. Evan was keeping pace with him, his camera was still attached around the beanie on his head. He gave him a thumbs up.

Once they reached the bottom Jonathan unhooked his feet from the board and grabbed Evan's arm. "Come on! Let's do it again!"

Evan laughed and let himself be dragged back to the ski lift seven more times before Jonathan had enough. Micah ate dirt the third time they went up, cursing Evan as he slid bye laughing.

Their vlog hit five million and Jonathan made them a t-shirt design that had the two of them on it back to back. There had always been a steady flow of questions and they did their best to answer them in short Q&As. That was when Jonathan wore his hockey mask while he sat beside Evan in front of the camera and everyone ate it up, including himself. Even though he knew what Jonathan looked like, the idea of it was still hot. The weekend after that he took Jonathan to his parents again where Rory and Vanessa met up with them. Kate was on Jonathan again as soon as Vanessa let her out of the car.

Evan had called earlier and asked if the lake had froze over yet, and with the sudden cold front that had swept through he would have been surprised if it hadn't.

"Yes, it is. Your dad went down there yesterday. Are you boys going to come see us?" His mom had asked and he could hear the smile in her voice.

"Yes, Mom. We'll be there tomorrow."

"Good, drive safe. I love you."

"Love you, too."

So now he was walking behind Jonathan who had Kate on his shoulders as they walked down the trail in the woods. His eyes kept drifting to his hips and the way they swayed. Then he was picturing his hands on them, fingers digging into soft flesh, holding him down.

"Whatcha thinking about?" Rory asked with a smirk as he came up beside him. "You have serious focus going on right now."

Instead of getting defensive, Evan grinned and said, "You probably don't want to know, to be honest."

"You're probably right." Rory laughed.

They walked on in silence, dodging stray limbs hanging from the trees until they came to the clearing. The lake was a blank sheet of white, frozen solid, and waiting for skates to scar it's surface.

As per their routine, Jonathan laced up Kate's skates for her and helped her onto the ice and stayed close behind her when she took of as fast as she could which wasn't too fast since her legs were so short. Rory caught up with them and started conversation with Jonathan. Evan felt a small arm loop through his and Vanessa looked up at him.

"How've you been?" She asked and Evan saw worry etched into her face.

"I've been fine." He said and she didn't seemed satisfied with his answer. His eyes drifted back to Jonathan as he slid along the ice and he felt a terrible strain in his chest. He took a deep breath, "Okay, Ness. I'm not fine."

She tightened her arm around his and he continued as they moved slowly across the lake. "I have this terrible ache. But, it's not terrible. Well, it is but it's good at the same time." He shook his head. "It's really confusing and I'm still trying to figure it out, but I know that I like him. A lot. I've just never done this before, never felt this way about anything."

"You like him, Evan. I know he's a guy and you've never even been with one before, but from what I've witnessed he has really strong feelings for you, too. You should just try it out and see how it goes. There's no harm in that." Vanessa said and Evan gave a small huff of frustration.

"No, there's plenty of harm in that. He is my best friend, we live together, and if I try and it doesn't work . . . there may be no coming back from that. I don't want to lose what we already have, but at the same time I want so much more." He curled his fist in his pocket. "I want him, but I don't want to lose him."

"Evan, honey, there is no way he would let you go." She smiled and then she looked out across the ice at her daughter. "Katelyn! You better come back this way, right now!"

Kate had ventured out near the middle of the lake and if Evan knew anything, it was that you didn't go there, the ice was thinner. Jonathan had his eye on her and Evan wasn't worried about it as she turned around to come back. But then he felt it more than he heard it. The ice gave a deep groan and he saw it shift slightly beneath her. His heart jumped to his throat and he held Vanessa back as she lunged forward, a desperate cry escaped her lips.

"Nobody move!" He yelled and he heard his voice echo off into the forest behind them. His heart was drumming against his chest and he watched Rory and Jonathan go still beside each other.

"Jonathan, I can reach her. You should start moving back slowly." Rory said quietly but Jonathan shook his head.

"How much do you weigh?"

Rory shrugged, "Uh, two-ten."

"I'm smaller, I'll get her. You go." Jonathan said but Rory couldn't argue, it made sense. He took Jonathan's skates after he took his time taking them off so his weight would distribute itself better on the ice. Kate was starting to panic and he looked back at Vanessa on her knees.

"Go, Rory. Calm her down, tell her what she needs to hear." Jonathan nodded at him. Rory put a hand on his shoulder.

"Be careful, move slow. Vanessa isn't the only one who could lose someone out here." Rory gave him a reassuring squeeze and moved off slowly until he was in the clear. Jonathan looked back at the three figures in the distance briefly before he turned back to Kate.

"Jonathan!" Her lip was trembling and she was breathing hard as she stood still. He could see the water pooling slowly around her skates. He swallowed and started to move his cold feet.

"I'm coming, Kate. Just don't move until I tell you, okay?"

She nodded and for a four year old she was holding it together pretty well. "Just hurry."

Evan was squeezing Vanessa's fingers harder than he should have but she didn't notice. Rory was by her side talking her through it and Evan was just silently praying that the ice didn't swallow them whole. Fear kept him glued in place until the ice gave another groan and creaked again. The man on the ice almost lost his balance and the fear crawled up Evan's throat and threw him forward. "Jonathan!"

Evan was trying to move but Rory's firm hands held him in place. "Hey! You know if you go out there you'll just make the ice crack faster, big guy. He's going to be okay. They both are."

Evan felt hot tears stinging at his eyes and he blinked them back and braced himself for the worst when Jonathan reached for her, their fingertips touched and the ice popped again. Kate gave a small cry.

"Shh, Kate it's okay baby girl. Now, when I tell you, I want you to jump. Okay?"

She nodded furiously and kept her fingers outstretched. Jonathan tested the piece of ice he was standing on, it hadn't fully cracked yet and it held his weight, he took a step forward and grabbed her around the wrist.

"Jump, Kate!" He said and as she jumped he pulled her up and into his arms. The ice gave way where she was standing and left a gaping hole that led into the deep cold water below.

He let out a breath of relief, looking back and catching those dark pair of eyes that washed a layer of warmth over him as he stepped carefully towards them. Kate was clinging to him for dear life and he grinned. "It's okay, Kate."

"No, Mama is going to be so mad at me!" She cried into his shoulder. He rubbed his hand across her small back.

"No she's not." He laughed, "She's actually gonna be really really happy. Look at her, she can't wait to see you."

Kate turned her head and saw Vanessa smiling wide. Jonathan put her down and let her skate the rest of the way to her mother who wrapped her up in a tight hug and cried. "God, you scared me!"

"I'm sorry!"

"It's okay. I love you."

"Are you mad?"

"No, baby. I'm not mad, just scared."

Jonathan was watching them with a smile until he was hit by a brick wall. Evan breathed hot air against him as he buried his face against his neck. Jonathan swallowed hard and his heart gave a dramatic thump as he thought of it being Evan out there on the ice instead of himself. He grabbed Evan's jacket in his fists and tried not to say those words out loud.

"I'm fine." He said and Evan nodded against his skin. "I can't feel my feet, but I'm fine."

"Say it again, please." Evan said and the strain in his voice made Jonathan's fingers tighten around him.

He took a deep breath, "I'm fine. I'm right here."

The pain Evan felt in his chest was unimaginable as he sat in front of the fireplace, prodding the fresh wood, and fanning the flames. Evan couldn't help but think about what that truly meant. He couldn't be without Jonathan anymore than his body couldn't be without air. He watched Jonathan sleep as he was stretched across the couch wrapped in an infinite number of blankets to keep him from catching cold. And when Evan was trying to wash the dryness from his throat and the worry from his mind with a nice hot cup of cocoa, he felt his mother's hand on his shoulder.

"What are you doing awake, Mom, it's three in the morning?" He asked quietly, his voice seemed to echo in the dark. She brushed her fingers through his hair and he could feel his emotions start to pool and flood over. Emotions that had been dying for months to get out, to be set free. Her touch and warm brown eyes had always got the better of him, making him spill his problems out to her his entire life. This moment was no exception and he was already unraveling at the seams.

"Mom-" His voice caught and he looked away trying to blink away the tears. But his lip quivered and a sob left his lips. She nodded and let her hands wipe at the tears rolling down his face, "It's okay, Evan. Just let it out."

He gasped for air and ducked his head, he couldn't remember the last time he'd cried like this.

"Now, what's the matter?" She asked softly and it took him a few minutes before he could even think. He glanced back into the living room at the couch and the warm body that was sleeping on it, then looked back at his mother and took a shaky breath while he wiped at his eyes.

"I love him, Mom." He got the words out and he felt the weight come off of his shoulders and he gave a heavy sigh of relief. "I love him."

She smiled warmly and squeezed at his arms, "Okay, honey. But why are you crying about it?"

"Because I don't know what to do." Evan shrugged.

"You don't_ do_ anything because there's nothing you _can_ do." She looked him in the eyes, "You can't change the way you feel about it but for starters you can tell him."

He huffed, "I can't just go up to him and say, hey Jonathan you're my best friend and everything and I thought you should know that I'm totally in love with you."

"That's exactly what you do, because you keep holding this in and it's going to start hurting you if it hasn't already." She spoke quietly and he was starting to feel anxious. "He either feels the same way or he doesn't and there's only one way to know. There's no way around it, but it's up to you when you want to find out. That's all I can tell you, baby."

She gave him one more smile and touched her hand to his face, "Try to get some sleep."

He nodded and watched her go, then stood alone leaning against the kitchen counter for a long while just thinking. Thinking about what would happen if he told Jonathan how he felt about him, if he told him that he didn't want to go one night without him curled up next to him, or that he wanted to kiss the freckles on his face every second of every day. He didn't know. He finally gave up and retreated to the living room, settling down on the floor with his back against the couch. He heard Jonathan stir behind him and then felt an arm slide over his shoulder and rest on his chest.

"Hey." Jonathan said sleepily.

Evan ran his fingers over his hand, "Hey."

"Come here." He mumbled and Evan didn't argue with him. He stood and pulled his shirt over his head then unbuttoned his jeans and kicked them off. Jonathan made as much room for him as he could. Evan crawled under the warm blankets and tangled his legs with his then snaked his arm beneath his head.

"You good?" Jonathan breathed against his skin.

"I'm good. Go back to sleep." Evan said and inhaled the rugged scent of pine that always stayed in his hair. A lump had formed in his throat and he tried to swallow it down for an entire hour before he finally dozed off. He dreamed of nice things. He dreamed of Jonathan's face and his lips kissing his skin all over, soft sweet pecks that left his body tingling and warm. And he dreamed of the beach, Jonathan's fingers laced with his as they walked down the shore as the sun was rising. It was nice and it was perfect and it was everything he wanted.

* * *

><p>"Stop fussing with it." Evan slapped Jonathan's hand away from the tie around his neck.<p>

"It feels weird." He griped as they sat around waiting on Lynn and Cameron to finish taking pre-wedding pictures. It was a good thing they were indoors because the snow was falling steadily outside the hotel, though it made for good scenery which is what his sister had wanted in the first place.

"This is the first time I've worn a tie." Jonathan said and Evan raised a brow.

"You didn't wear one when you graduated?"

Jonathan gave him a half smile, "It was a clip-on and that was almost nine years ago. Ties suck ass."

"It looks good on you. Makes you look very professional." Evan winked at him.

"Dude, I'm about as far from professional as anyone can get." Jonathan laughed at himself but Evan kept staring, even as they started to line up and walk Lynn's bridesmaids down the aisle. His suit jacket was cut very close and it fit him so fucking good. His broad shoulders pulled at the black fabric and Evan could picture him shrugging out of it and yanking his tie off, but seeing him in a plain white button up was enough alone for Evan. His hair was brushed back, doing it's thing standing up on his head in a hot ass faux hawk, his black piercings accented his suit well and the blue of his eyes stood out even more.

Lynn had insisted on having Jonathan as one of Cameron's groomsmen, since he only had his brother along with Evan and Jamie. Jonathan had agreed to it immediately. He had gotten along with Cameron since the first time they met at Evan's parents, hitting it off over WWE and cornbread. It also evened out the number for her bridesmaids so no one had to walk alone.

Evan felt the happiness swell inside of him when he turned and watched his dad walk Lynn down the aisle. He thought he was going to cry at one point, but he felt fingers come to rest at the small of his back and a calmness washed over him. It was astounding what one simple touch could do.

He grinned to himself as he watched them have their first dance, Lynn's smile lit up the room and Cameron didn't look like he was going to pass out anymore. He sipped at his drink, a fine beer that he couldn't pronounce correctly to save his life, but it was doing it's job making his cheeks flushed and keeping a grin on his face. He was enjoying people watching with Jonathan and making fun of hairdos until the bridesmaid he had walked with came up to him and insisted he dance with her. It was only polite, she had said. Jonathan suppressed a laugh when Evan rolled his eyes at him after she turned away.

"I'll be back." Evan said in his best Arnold voice, which was terrible. He left Jonathan rolling in his seat.

Jonathan was watching Evan make faces at him behind her back as he led her across the dance floor. He couldn't stop grinning at his pretty Asian face and he knew that he was forever ruined for anyone else. He felt a tap on his shoulder and Vanessa had sat down beside him.

"Hey, cutie."

He smiled, "Hey, beautiful."

"I want to play a game with you."

"Okay." He said cautiously.

"I want you to face me, away from the dance floor, and I'm going to start counting."

"And what are you counting exactly?"

She grinned mischievously, "Each time Evan looks at you."

His mind went blank for a moment before he snapped out of it and said, "That's not much of a game."

She shrugged, "It's not, but it'll probably get you excited. I'm already on five, by the way."

"Six." She said. He couldn't stop the goose bumps from rising on the back if his neck.

"Seven." He closed his eyes and imagined Evan straining to look over his shoulder. But he didn't get his hopes up, he was probably just trying to figure out why Vanessa was staring at him and smiling. But still, it was a nice thought.

"Ten." He heard her whisper and then the music changed to something sweet and slow. For a moment he thought he had imagined the fingers on his neck and the breath in his ear, but he opened his eyes to see Vanessa smiling at someone behind him.

"Come dance with me." Evan said from behind and Jonathan let out a breath before he stood and shrugged out of his suit jacket. He turned and loosened his tie, undoing a button or two. Evan smiled and held out his hand which he took and let himself be led out into the crowd that seemed to disappear when Evan pulled him flush against him. His arm wrapped around his waist, his other hand clasped around Jonathan's fingers.

_(Jesse Ware - Say You Love Me)_

_Say you love me. To my face._

_I'm needing more than your embrace._

"I've never done this before, Evan." He whispered and Evan chuckled low. He guided his hand up to rest on his shoulder, then he pulled him even closer, if that was even possible, and he let their faces lay against one another.

_Cause I don't wanna fall in love. If you don't wanna try._

_But all that I've been thinking of is maybe that you might._

"Just move with me." Evan said smoothly, deeply in his ear and Jonathan closed his eyes, letting his body follow Evan's as he swayed and stepped to the rhythm.  
>His hand was so firm on his back and his cool breath was running down his neck.<p>

"You're pretty good at this." Evan said and Jonathan smiled.

"Only because I'm following your lead. Like always."

He felt Evan grin against his face and then he dropped his head and felt lips barely graze his neck. Jonathan's fingers tighten on Evan's shoulder and he cursed himself for feeling weak in the knees at a simple touch but he had a warm tingle running down his spine now and Evan's lips were fresh on his mind. He breathed in everything that was Evan and let his head fall to his shoulder. They moved as one for what felt like an eternity and Jonathan didn't want to let go of the body that was holding him so close, and tight, and perfect. But the song was ending and he prayed for another slow one.

The music faded and Evan pulled back, far enough to see Jonathan's face and his heart was thrumming in his ears. He could see himself in his blue eyes, staring like an idiot at his red lips and he really just wanted to feel them._ The fuck did they feel like?_ And then he was inching his face closer and Jonathan was just looking at him, his mouth slightly open and Evan had no fucking clue what he was doing, but he couldn't stop now. He tilted his head and felt Jonathan's hot breath rush out across his mouth right as their lips barely met. He didn't even have time to close his mouth over his before the music started blaring in their ears. Everyone around them shouted and clapped.

Jonathan jumped, his face covered in a furious blush as he moved away from him. Evan let out a breath and shut his eyes. Fuck the motherfucking music and all the motherfucking people jumping around them. Had they always been there? Fuck if he knew, it didn't matter because now Jonathan wasn't touching him anymore. God, he was so stupid. He tried to kiss him and now Jonathan was pushing through the crowd moving as fast as he could to get away from him.

"Jonathan." He muttered and followed behind him until they broke through the overwhelming loud crowd. Jonathan was grabbing his chest and breathing way too hard. He was panicking. Evan came up behind him and guided him to a seat, pulling one up in front of him and sitting down. He took his face in his hands and pressed their foreheads together.

"Breath. Just breathe." Evan sucked in a lungful of air and Jonathan mimicked it, placing his hands over Evan's. "Big, deep breaths."

He kept at it until Jonathan slowly calmed back down, catching his breath and letting his heartbeat come back to him. "I'm sorry."

Evan gave a small laugh, silently freaking out because now he knew Jonathan wasn't trying to get away from _him_. He was trying to get away from the crowd. "Why are you apologizing?"

"I don't know." He sighed and squeezed Evan's fingers. "All those people. It's like they weren't even there and then all of a sudden they were. I mean, I_ know_ they were there but . . . I can't fucking explain it. It's stupid."

"No, it's not. I didn't see them either." Evan said quietly as the party raged on behind them. He really wanted to say, "_All I saw was you_." But he couldn't convince the words to come out. Jonathan opened his eyes and Evan couldn't read his face. He was thinking and as fucking always he never said whatever was going through his mind. He just sat back and looked at him with whatever it was just sitting on the tip of his tongue. He heard Jonathan's phone go off in his pocket. He pulled it out and thumbed open the message and rubbed his eyes.

"It's Luke. Said to call him when I had time. It's important." He said and looked up at Evan who nodded and watched him get up and walk a few paces away putting the phone to his ear.

* * *

><p><em>"Hello?"<em>

"Hey, Luke. What's up?"

_"Listen, brother. I don't want to throw anymore crazy shit your way but . . ."_

"But, what?"

_"Jonathan, it's your dad. He died in a car accident a few days ago."_ Luke said and then went silent, letting it sink in. Jonathan ran a hand over his hair and looked up at the ceiling waiting to feel something other than nothing. But his dad had been dead to him the moment he walked out the door when he was twelve. He didn't feel anything.

He sighed heavily, "Okay. I assume I need to come down there and take care of shit?"

_"Yes, the house is yours and they need to know if you want to keep it, sell it, or sign it over to your sister."_

"Why the fuck would I sign it over to my sister?"

_"Because she showed up here yesterday."_

Jonathan felt the anger boiling in his gut. "She just showed up? Out of fucking nowhere?"

_"Yeah, trust me, I didn't want to see her either. But she came to me asking where you were."_

"Did you tell her?"

_"No, I told her I would talk to you about it. So, yes, you need to come down here. You can stay with me for as long as you need to."_

Jonathan rubbed his eyes hard. Why the fuck did this have to happen now? "Alright, I appreciate it. I'll be down there sometime this week. I have to do some thinking."

_"No problem, I understand. Let me know when you're coming, okay?"_

"Okay."

_"I love you, man. This shit will be over before you know it."_ Luke said and Jonathan prayed he was right.

"Love you, too. I'll call you. Bye."

He hung up and just stood there in a daze for minutes, letting his brain catch up. He could feel himself becoming bitter, angry, cold. It was a feeling that he hadn't felt in years because once it had passed he was just . . . empty. Until he started playing games and it slowly brought him back to life. Then there was Evan.

"Everything okay?" He felt a hand on his shoulder and he wanted to turn into those arms and stay, but he didn't. He shrugged and shook his head, looking at the floor.

"It's um . . . something happened." He said and Evan's fingers slid down to his hand where they pulled and led him out into the empty hotel lobby.

"Tell me."

Jonathan shoved his hands in his pockets and took a deep breath. "I have to go back to North Carolina. My dad died in a car accident a few days ago and my sister came home. So, since the house was supposed to go to me when my parents died, I can either keep it, sell it, or let my sister have it."

"Jesus, Jonathan." Evan rubbed at his face. "I . . . shit. Okay, when do you need to go? Right now? Because I can take you. And I'll go with you. If you want me to. What can I do to help?" He rambled.

Jonathan slapped a hand over Evan's mouth and grinned, though it didn't reach his eyes. "There is nothing you can do. Shit will continue to be thrown at me until I'm buried in it. I just have to deal with it. I don't know how long it will take. But I want you to stay here. I don't want you to be there when it all hits the fan, because when I see my sister it's going to get bad."

Evan pulled his hand down and frowned, "You don't have to deal with this alone, you know."

"I just don't want you to see."

"Why not?"

"Evan, please." Jonathan sighed and Evan's attitude softened and he pulled him into a hug. "Can we just go home? I have a lot to think about before I go."

"We'll go as soon as Lynn and Cam leave, which shouldn't be too much longer." Evan said.

Jonathan nodded against his shoulder, "Okay."

They waited another twenty minutes until Lynn decided she was ready to leave for their honeymoon. The driver pulled up outside the hotel and everyone waved them goodbye as they drove off into the falling snow.

Evan said goodbye to his family and took Jonathan by the hand, leading him out into the garage where their footsteps echoed around them. Jonathan had gone silent and Evan didn't want to push him, or rush him, or say anything to upset him. He could see that he was falling back into his mind, more than likely reliving bad memories and wishing he could forget. Evan couldn't do anything about it. All he could do was squeeze his fingers a little tighter and hope for the best.

The ride home was quiet, the CD Jonathan had in the Jeep played twice as Evan drove them home through the thick blanket of white. When they pulled into the garage and made it into the house Jonathan went straight up the stars and into his room where he sat on the edge of his bed and thought. Evan gave him as much time as he could before he couldn't stand to sit at his computer any longer twiddling his thumbs. He walked down the hall and stuck his head around the door. Jonathan was still in his suit pants, laying back on the bed with his knees up, shirt unbuttoned revealing his tattoo and flat stomach. Evan just watched him breath for a while until Jonathan pulled his arm away from his face and glanced over at him propped against the doorway. He didn't speak but Evan knew he wasn't okay because Jonathan was saying it with his eyes.

"What can I do? There has to be something." Evan pleaded softly and Jonathan shook his head.

"Stop worrying about it." He sat up and messed with his hair. "I just need to go deal with it. The sooner it's over and done with, the sooner I can start to forget."

"Have you decided what you're going to do with the house?" Evan asked and walked over to his closet.

"No. I have no idea." Jonathan shrugged. He looked tired. Evan pulled a box from the bottom of the closet that Jonathan had never opened. He sat it on the bed beside him.

"I uh . . . I packed these for you after I told you to go get in the truck that day. Feels like forever ago and I never told you about it. I forgot, to be honest. But, I thought you'd want to have it." Evan said and rubbed the back of his neck. He didn't know what else to say so he turned and walked back down the hall to his room. Evan felt sick as he sat down on his bed. Moping maybe, was he? He didn't know, he just knew that if Jonathan decided to keep his parents house it more than likely meant he would stay there in North Carolina. That was what had him biting his nails and running his fingers through his hair nervously. It was the one thing that Evan dreaded, Jonathan leaving and never coming back. He sat for a while in the dark as he listened to the sound of shuffling and pages being turned.

"Thank you." Jonathan said quietly and Evan exhaled as his fingers ran down his bare back.

"You're welcome." Evan looked up at him and saw that his eyes were a little puffy and his nose was red. Jonathan smiled and Evan wanted nothing more than just say it.

Just say, _I love you._

He opened his mouth, but Jonathan put a finger under his chin and shut it.

"Don't talk. Thank you for everything you've done for me, everything you've given me. I wouldn't be here, Evan." Jonathan paused and Evan could feel his heart taking off. "Just . . . thank you."

And then there was that look again, the one where he had something right there on the tip of his tongue. Jonathan swallowed the words back down and brushed his fingers over Evan's arm. "Help me get to sleep, because I cannot stop thinking. Please."

Evan nodded without saying a word and he crawled back onto the bed and under the covers. Jonathan let his shirt fall to the floor and he stepped out of his pants. He felt his mouth water and he closed his eyes trying to fight down the feeling. Jonathan got in beside him and pulled him close, tucking his head beneath his chin. He pulled the covers up over them and let his finger play with the hair at the base of Jonathan's neck until he finally felt him fall asleep.

Evan didn't sleep.

What if Jonathan stayed in North Carolina? What if Evan never got to feel him wrapped up in his arms again, or the feel of his fingers running through his hair on a Saturday morning? What if never got to see Jonathan's sexy bed head while he cooked them breakfast and looked back at him grinning? What if he never got to kiss that freckled shoulder again or get lost in the way he walked? What if he never got to do any of that again all because he couldn't get those three little words to leave his lips?

He squeezed his eyes shut and gripped Jonathan tighter trying not to cry because he felt like he'd been punched in the chest. The sun slowly flooded the room and he didn't know how he's managed to stare at one spot on the wall for seven hours straight. His eyes were dry and burning and Jonathan rolled over onto his back still sleeping. Evan rubbed at his tired face and quietly got out of the bed, letting his feet step silently to his dresser. He found an old bracelet of his that he'd made out of red and blue string. It was thin and worn and it had always been his favorite. He looked out the window at the snow laying thick on the ground and thought of how nice it would be if a blizzard hit all of a sudden and Jonathan had to stay here because all flights would be cancelled. But that wouldn't happen, it didn't happen, and he was so fucking nervous as he sat in the passenger's seat of the Jeep as Jonathan drove to the airport.

He'd insisted on driving to keep his mind off of why he was about to get on a plane even though he would be thinking about it the whole flight. But he would take what he could get before then. Evan swallowed past the lump in his throat as he walked beside him down the terminal to his gate, fingers not wanting to let go of his when they called the flight for boarding.

"Are you sure you don't want me to go?" Evan tried one last time as Jonathan adjusted the bag over his shoulder.

"I'm pretty sure. I'm going to be mad, Evan, and I don't want to take it out on you."

Evan huffed, "I think I can handle you. I've done pretty good so far."

Jonathan grinned and pulled him into a hug, "Yeah, you have."

Evan squeezed him hard and said against his shoulder, "If anything happens and you need me, just say it and I'll be there."

Jonathan pulled back and touched his hand to Evan's face, giving him a light slap, "I will. Take care of yourself. Don't eat too many brownies."

"I won't." Evan said and he couldn't find it within himself to smile because he was trying so hard not to break down in front of his best friend right now. "Text me when you land?"

"Yeah." Jonathan said and touched his forehead to his. A voice rang out over through the airport again, calling his flight. "I got to go, Evan."

Evan let out a heavy breath and closed his eyes, now would be the perfect moment. I would be, but it wasn't going to happen.

"Okay." He said and pulled back before he pressed his lips to Jonathan's head. "Goodbye, now go."

Jonathan stepped backwards and before he turned to go he gave Evan the smile that had started it all. The smile that had stopped his thought process and sent the butterflies into a panic in his gut. He watched him go, trying to memorize the shape of his body as he walked out of sight into the crowd. Evan was left standing there with an aching heart, feeling home sick. The plane took off and he watched from the inside of Jonathan's warm Jeep until it was out of site and he was laying against the steering wheel trying to stop crying.

* * *

><p>Jonathan's face was raw from wiping the tears away for two straight hours. He was alone, he was tired, and it just kept getting worse the farther away from Evan he got. He kept reaching for a hand that wasn't there, kept turning to look at him but found an empty seat instead. A headache was settling in and he called for some aspirin before he stuck his headphones on, starting the playlist that Evan made for him from his favorite songs. It calmed him down and he watched the clouds from the window but it didn't stop the nagging thoughts running through his head.<p>

Once he boarded his connecting flight, he sent Luke a text saying he'd be landing in an hour or two. Then he'd have to drive another hour to get there. Luke had offered to pick him up at the airport but he kindly refused. He didn't know how long he'd be staying, so he may as well rent his own vehicle. North Carolina was cold, just like he left it and he was extremely uncomfortable as he walked his way to the vehicle rental. He didn't want to be here.

"Hi." He said to the man behind the desk. "I need a car, anything will do."

"Are you Jonathan?" A woman came from a room behind the desk, she smiled.

He raised a brow and looked around making sure she was talking to him and not someone else. "Yes. I am."

She came around the counter and held her hand out, "I'm Amanda, the owner. If you come this way I'll get you whatever you need. Free of charge."

He started walking with her out into the lot, "May I ask why?"

"Well, let's just say that I know a friend of yours and he asked me for a favor. That favor was to help you when you landed. He said you were already having a hard time and wanted you to have absolutely no issues once you got here. Now, you can keep this vehicle as long as you need it. Here is an unlimited card for gas." She handed him a thick piece of plastic and a set of keys, she smiled again. "I hope everything works out for and I hope to see you again soon."

"I um . . . thank you, Amanda." He offered her a smile and watched the woman walk away. He got in the car and pulled out his phone, immediately sending Evan a text.

_J - I'm here. I know what you did. Thank you._ He hit send and Evan replied within seconds.

_E - Don't mention it. :)_

Jonathan let Luke know he was on his way and he drove in silence the rest of the way, mentally preparing himself for what lay in store for him. But nothing could prepare him for the hurt that he felt when he drove through his home town, passing by his old school, the bookstore, his old house. Luke was waiting for him in the yard when he got out and wrapped up in his signature bear hug.

"You okay, man?" Luke asked when Jonathan stepped back. His eyes were baggy already and he looked pale.

"No, I'm not. I just want this over with. Where is she?" Jonathan rubbed at his eyes and follow Luke's line of site to the front door of the house. It opened and there was his sister, who looked completely different. The last time he saw her, nearly years ago, she was thin, grungy, fucking hateful. But looking at her now she looked happy, healthy, normal. Jonathan wished he could say the same for himself.

He took a deep breath and they walked to the door where she gave him a shy smile, "Hey."

He tried to say it back but the anger was starting to swell and he held his tongue as he walked past her into the house that he could've went his entire life without ever stepping foot in again.

"Jonathan-"

He turned, "Don't 'Jonathan' me. Luke you should probably leave. I'll call you later and we'll meet up."

Luke didn't object just gave a small nod and left, closing the door behind him. Jonathan looked back down at his sister with fire in his eyes. "Where have you been, Ally?"

She sighed, her hazel eyes were watching him calmly and that made even angrier for some reason, "I've been off living my life like a normal person, Jonathan."

"Well, that's just fucking amazing. Good for you! Because while you did that I was alone, Ally!" He took a breath, "You left me! You left Mom! Shit, you didn't even come to her funeral. I needed you and you were just . . . gone. I had to deal with a heartbroken mother who didn't know where her daughter went, a heartbroken mother who eventually became so ill that I had to move back in with her to take care of her until her body couldn't take it anymore. I watched her die, Ally. And you weren't there. But, Dad's dead now and you miraculously show up. Were you just waiting on them both to die so you could come try and convince me to give you the house?"

She stood there in shock while he caught his breath. He ran a hand through his hair and his head was already pounding again. "Why did you leave?"

"That's a dumb question. You know why." She huffed and crossed her arms. "I wanted out of this house just as much as you did."

He shook his head a walked into the kitchen, leaning against the counter. There were still magnets stuck to the refrigerator that probably hadn't been moved since he was a kid. "Yeah, well, you made it out. Congratulations. I was stuck here. Where did you go?"

"To a friend's. Then she took me down to Georgia where we stayed with her relatives for a while. I met someone, a guy, and he took real good care of me for a while. I got pregnant and he left, so I got me a good job while I still could and saved what I could. It was too late for me to come when I heard Mom had passed away so I just . . . didn't. I was scared to face you because I knew you wouldn't understand. Then I found out that Dad was killed and when I got here, you were nowhere to be found."

"Well, Dad tried to fucking kill me about a year ago so I left."

"Where have you been living?"

"Canada. But that's beside the point. You want the house, I know you do. So that you and your child, or children have somewhere to live right? You want to come home?" He asked and watched her grow nervous.

"Yes, I want it. And I only have one child, her name is Remi. She'll turn seven next month. We haven't had real home in years and I just thought that if you weren't living here, then you wouldn't mind letting me have it." She said and Jonathan could see the hope in her eyes.

"I don't understand why you would want to stay here after all the shit we had to live with." He said and she shrugged.

"I don't have any other choice. It's this or I go back to my tiny apartment in Georgia and to be honest I want to be here, I want to be home." Ally walked over to him and reached her fingers out and who was he kidding, he missed her. Her lip trembled and he couldn't stop from pulling her in.

"I'm so sorry, Jonathan. I missed you so much, I used to cry every night knowing that I had left you here." She hugged him tight and he let her cry it out. He was still angry but he couldn't push her away, not when she was the only family he had left.

"It's done and over with. He's gone. Mom's gone. And I don't want to be here anymore, so you can have the house. My home isn't here." He said when she pulled back and looked up at him.

"Thank you."

* * *

><p>Evan had paced his house for a week now and Jonathan still hadn't called him, let alone text him. He had gone through Jonathan's computer and uploaded videos for him on the vlog and his gaming channel just so people wouldn't freak out and demand blood. But after that he didn't have anything to keep his mind off of the fact that he hadn't interacted with him in seven days. He was sitting at the bar in the kitchen thrumming his fingers against the counter when he pulled his phone out and dialed Luke.<p>

"Hey, Evan. I was wondering how long it would take you to call." Luke tried to be funny but Evan could hear the strain in his voice.

"How is he?"

Luke sighed, "Not great. He can't sleep. He hardly eats. I guess just being back here has really brought back some bad memories and it's really getting to him. It's making me sick to be honest. I've only ever seen him get this bad one other time."

Evan was pacing again, "When was that?"

"When Noah left." Luke said bitterly. "I shouldn't be telling you any of this, but it's something you should know and I know he won't ever tell you. He was like really happy with this guy for the longest time and I thought that was it for him, they'd be together for fucking ever, but no he just leaves. No explanation, no note, no nothing. So Jonathan, being the shy insecure guy we know so well, takes it to heart and thinks that it's his fault and ended up hating himself for the longest time. He didn't talk to anyone, he stopped going out, he stopped everything. He got really bad, to the point where he was hurting himself."

"What, like he was cutting?" Evan asked in disbelief. "I've never seen a mark on his body."

"Yeah, neither did I until the day I showed up at his apartment unannounced and he came out of his bathroom butt-ass naked." Luke gave small laugh. "I should've knocked, but I had a key and he told me come over whenever I felt like it. Anyway, nakedness aside, I saw the scars. He had been cutting himself on his thighs, where his boxers and briefs would always hide them. He was smart, thought no one would ever find out. I talked to him about it and that's when he started to open back up again, he started hanging out with me more, confided in me. He started playing games again and started his channel and things were a lot better from then on out. But I'm worried that he's going to that dark place again and just don't want him to hurt himself."

"I though he was happy." Evan said quietly, starting to feel sick at the notion that maybe Jonathan wasn't happy being with him.

"He was very happy. With you, Evan. He was happy with you and I never wanted him to have to come back here because it's not good for him." Luke said.

"Then I'll come down there." Evan suggested and he could practically hear Luke shake his head.

"No, he asked you not to come because he doesn't want you to see him like this. So don't. As much as I would like you to, don't. He's weighed down with a lot of paperwork and legal shit right now, but it's almost done with. Listen, I'll tell him to give you a call alright?" Luke said.

"Yeah, okay." Evan said and before Luke could say goodbye Evan threw in, "Is he keeping the house?"

"I'll let him tell you. It's not my place to be throwing around his business. I'll have him call you tonight, Evan."

Evan hung up and felt his fingers shaking as he waited and waited for that phone call. He needed to say something to let Jonathan know that he cared, that he wanted him to come home, that he needed him. For two hours he waited, for two hours he browsed the internet, for two hours he talked to Tyler and Brock about what was going on and how fucking scared he was.

"Dude, there's no way he's going to keep the house. He'll come home, Evan." Tyler said.

Brock nodded, "Don't worry about it. He'll call and everything will be fine."

Evan rubbed his face and jumped when his phone rang. "Bye guys, I'll tell you how it goes later."

"Bye!"

He walked into the hall and answered, feeling better the moment he heard Jonathan's voice, "Evan."

"Hey, how are you?" Evan asked, not how is everything, just _how are_ _you_ because he really needed to fucking know.

"I'm fine." He paused. "I can't sleep, Evan."

"I can't sleep either. " Evan's heart started to pound and he said without thinking, "I miss you so fucking much."

He heard Jonathan sigh, "I miss you, too. You have no idea."

"Listen, Jonathan. I don't want you to keep the house. I don't want you to stay there, because you're kind of important to me." He took a breath and kept going before he talked himself out of it. "Fuck that, you're _very_ important to me and I just really want you to come home. I feel like I've been pacing this fucking house for days just waiting to hear from you because you're my best friend and I miss you and I really want to see your face so just . . . come home."

He didn't mean to sound so desperate, but he had worried himself sick thinking that Jonathan wouldn't come back to him. His fear started to grow the longer Jonathan was silence on the other end. But he finally heard him laugh and say, "Evan, why the fuck would I stay here?"

"I don't know."

"If you're not here, then I don't want to be here either. Don't worry, I'm going to come home. I'm giving the house to my sister and I'm coming back as soon as I can." Jonathan said and Evan could here the smile in his voice, that alone made him feel better. "Okay?"

Evan nodded to himself and gave a sigh of relief, "Okay."

* * *

><p>It took Jonathan another four days to get the paperwork dealt with and the house switched over to Ally's name. By then a fucking storm had rolled in and covered everything in a thick blanket of snow. Needless to say Jonathan was furious because all flights out of the state had been cancelled until further notice. It was already mid December and Christmas was just around the corner and Evan was about to go stir crazy waiting to hear that Jonathan could finally leave.<p>

He was on Luke's computer, feeling a lot better about everything now that the house issue was settled. He still wasn't talking to his sister, but he understood why she did what she did. It didn't mean he had to like it. He was playing a GMOD scary map with some of the guys and it was nice to do something normal again.

"So, you guys. Listen up, I have a proposition for you." Lui said and everyone went silent as they crept through the map. "I have an uncle who has a row of beach houses like right on the water and he's willing to let me use them for New Year's. So what I was thinking, is that you guys could all come down on New Year's Eve, stay for a week or so, have your own beach house, and experience a California New Year. It'll be warm, no snow, no rain. Just pure awesomeness. What do you think?"

"Yes, a thousand times, yes." Brock said and everyone laughed.

"Hell, yeah. I'm down as long as I can bring Simone." Marcel said.

"Totally, bring your woman or your man." Lui hinted and Nogla snorted.

Jonathan cleared his throat, "That sounds amazing. I can't wait to leave this fucking state. As soon as this storm let's up I'm gone."

Lui laughed, "Hey, tell Luke he's more than welcome. The more the merrier. There's going to be a huge party going on down the beach, like walking distance from where we'll be staying. The playlist they put up is going to be killer."

Evan was grinning, "I can't wait to be down there."

"Is this a bring your own beer kind of thing?" Mini asked.

"Yeah, when everyone gets here we'll go on a beer run and stock up for the week. I'll bring Cards Against Humanity and Monopoly." Lui giggled when everyone said, "Nooooo! Fuck Monopoly!"

Evan laughed, "Monopoly turns friends into enemies."

* * *

><p>"Luke, don't forget to bring your Phantom with you. You can get some cool footage while we're there." Jonathan said and Luke went and packed it with is things.<p>

"Alright. Let's go before we get snowed in again." Jonathan got in his rental and let Luke give his woman a kiss goodbye. She was going to her parents for New Year's.

"I love you, be careful!" She waved them off and Jonathan got them to the airport with twenty minutes to spare.

"Okay now we wait." Luke said and took a seat. Jonathan was thumbing through his phone when he heard Luke say, "Oh, shit."

Jonathan looked over his shoulder at whatever Luke was looking at and his heart jumped into his throat as he watched Noah walk towards him.

He gripped his phone in his hand and clenched his jaw tight. "You have got to be fucking kidding me."


	10. Chapter 10

"Whoa, whoa, Jonathan don't!" Luke had jumped up and had his arms around him, holding him back. "If you cause a big scene, we will never make it to California in time for the New Year."

Luke was talking in his ear and Jonathan was trying to fight back the anger, the fucking fire that was taking hold of his body as Noah got closer. He took in Luke's words and instead of thinking about beating the shit out of Noah, he thought of Evan and how bad he wanted to get to the other side of the country to see him. He took a deep breath and nodded, Luke released him and stood by his side as the dark-haired dipshit finally stood before him. His green eyes were shining with amusement.

"Hi." Noah said with the smile that use to Jonathan weak at the knees, now making him hot with fury. "Jonathan, I just wanted to apologize-"

"No."

"No?"

"You don't get to apologize, Noah." Jonathan was digging his fingernails into his palm to keep himself calm, because one punch and security would be all over them.

"I don't want to hear it and I sure as shit won't forgive you."

Noah scrunched his brow in confusion, "You don't even want to know why I left?"

Jonathan shook his head and grinned, which shocked the other man, "I don't. I stopped caring a long time ago."

"Why aren't you angry? I left you when you needed me." Noah said and Jonathan bit his lip trying not to laugh at the fucking idiot.

"What? You thought you could show up once you figured out I was back in town and watch me jump into your arms? Because you left me forever ago and I needed you?" Jonathan let a giggle escape. "You have some fucking nerve, I'll give you that. But just so you know, I never needed you. Not once. I _wanted_ you, Noah, and I gave you everything. But, I never needed you. I still don't need you."

Noah couldn't get any words to come out of his pretty mouth and Jonathan picked his bag up throwing it over his shoulder, "Now, if you don't mind, we have a plane to catch."

Luke laughed as they walked away and punched him in the arm, "That's my boy."

But just as soon as Jonathan was feeling good about things and was certain that Noah was permanently in the past, he felt a hand grip his arm and spin him around. Lips were against his and he saw green, then he saw red and it took Luke and five security guards to pull him off Noah who was rolling on the ground in pain with a bloody nose and busted mouth.

He could hear Luke arguing with security and the police just outside the door and he sat in silence for the rest of the night looking down at the blood on his hands. It was familiar, like when he used to cut the soft flesh of his legs to take his mind off of the ache in his chest.

And it was all because of Noah. All because he couldn't forget the feel of his hands running over his body or the sting of his teeth sinking into his skin or the way he would swallow down his constant plea for more. It was all because of Noah.

He didn't understand why he had craved it and missed it so much back then. Noah was so demanding and touchy and cruel. Why did he ever think that was good for him? He shook his head at himself and felt that ache in his chest again, the same one that had stayed for so long and nearly drove him insane until he tried to cut it out.

The ache took his words away and he felt himself falling down into that deep dark pit of self-loathing and hatred that he thought he'd never return to, but here he was. He didn't hear the police tell him he was free to go or that the guy he beat wasn't pressing charges. He couldn't feel Luke's hands on his face as he tried to snap him out of it.

"Come on! Don't do this!" Luke pleaded, his voice sounded muffled, distant. "We're leaving, going to Cali. It's done, man. You won't ever see him again. Jonathan! Look at me!"

He heard him but he didn't feel any sort of relief as he washed the blood from his fingers before they boarded the next flight. Now all he could think about was Evan and how he was just setting himself up for another disaster. He had almost kissed Evan a month ago and it could have been the end of what they had right then and there, but he'd stopped himself. More like the crowd did before it sent him into a panic. Either way, he couldn't stop thinking about him. He needed to ween himself off of Evan before he hurt himself anymore than he already had. Falling in love with him was his first mistake, everything after that was just wishful thinking. He didn't care if it meant he wouldn't be able to sleep or that his nightmares would return. He just didn't want to deal with the pain in his chest anymore. The pain of being in love with his best friend.

* * *

><p>Evan was sitting in the living room of Tyler, Craig, and Brian's beach house. Some of the guys were bunking together since there were only four houses to choose from. They had refused to bunk with Evan and insisted that he should have the house and Jonathan to himself. He didn't know why they kept grinning about it, but he didn't argue.<p>

Evan had been twiddling his thumbs the entire time they'd been there since they landed, which was going on twelve hours. It was New Year's Eve, Jonathan and Luke were supposed to be here already but something had happened and they had to catch a later flight. Luke wouldn't tell them why, he just said he'd explain when they got there.

"Evan, let's go grab something to eat while we wait. He said they would be here by two in the afternoon." Craig suggested and he couldn't refuse, maybe it would help the time go by since it was only eleven.

"Alright." He rubbed his face and Tyler put a hand on his shoulder, looking down at him.

"I'm sure it was nothing bad, probably just a misunderstanding that made them miss their flight." Tyler's expression was soft and Evan felt a little better from his words. "Now, let's go round up the rest of the gang and go find some grub, yeah?"

"Yeah." Evan managed a small grin and followed them out into the sand, the warm air blowing from the ocean swept over him, but he still had so much on his mind. He still wasn't at ease, not until he saw those blue eyes and pulled that warm body into a hug. His heart picked up it's pace just thinking about finally getting to see his face after a whole month of nothing but phone calls and listening to him over Skype while they played games. It was almost how it was before he took him back to Canada, before things got crazy. Now, he couldn't imagine it being like that again, he couldn't picture Jonathan being nothing more than a voice and a character on the screen.

Lui guided them further into the city to a small hole in the wall restaurant that served the best cheeseburger Evan had ever tasted and he made himself upset thinking about how much Jonathan would've agreed with him. Brock was watching him as Evan sat leaning against the window, looking out at the street not saying a word. He wasn't even paying attention to the fact that they were talking to him. Marcel was about to snap his fingers at him but Tyler caught his hand before he did, "Leave him alone. He's not in a good mood and you would be too if you hadn't seen Simone in a month."

Marcel's expression softened when he glanced over at his girl and he nodded at Tyler. "Sorry."

Nogla sat back in his seat, "Tonight is going to be the night. I've got a good feeling about it."

Craig sipped at his drink, "About what?"

Nogla motioned toward Evan, "You know."

Mini made an 'oh' with his mouth and gave him a thumbs up. "Gotcha."

Brock led his head rest on his hand, feeling sorry for Evan and what he and Jonathan both had been dealing with. He stuck another fry in his mouth, "I hope you're right about that, Daithi."

"Yeah, we all hope he's right." Lui said quietly, "They're making me depressed."

They glanced at Evan still sitting there quietly, lost in his thoughts, mindlessly stirring the lemon around in his water. They went quiet when his phone rang and watched him answer.

"Hello?" He paused. "Hey, Luke."

Tyler gave Brock a look and he started to feel uneasy, like something wasn't right and his hunch was correct when Evan stood suddenly and walked outside. They watched him sit on a bench and run his hand through his hair.

"He hasn't said anything?" They heard and glanced at each other.

Tyler rubbed his eyes, "Shit. Something bad happened. And I already tried to tell him that it was probably nothing."

Brock shook his head at him, "You didn't know, you were just being a friend, trying to calm him down. I would've said the same thing."

Tyler sighed and looked back at Evan. He was off the phone, but now he was pacing with his hands on the back of his head, eyes shut in frustration. Tyler stood, "I'll go talk to him."

Evan was sick to his stomach as he sat back down on the bench. No amount of pacing could make the worry go away or make Jonathan's plane arrive faster. He swallowed past the lump in his throat and tried to calm himself down.

Tyler sat down quietly beside him. "What happened, man?"

Evan looked over at him, more up at him than over, he was so tall even sitting down. "Jonathan's ex found him at the airport right before they were about to board. Luke said Jonathan told him off, but the guy kissed him." Evan paused and Tyler felt the heat come off of him. "Jonathan beat the shit out of him and security held them there all night. That's why they didn't get to their connecting flight until early this morning because all that happened before they even got out of North Carolina."

"Is he okay?" Tyler tried and Evan looked out at the cars going by.

"Luke said he hasn't spoke a word since it happened." Evan sat back, "And I don't know what the fuck that means."

"Whatever he's going through, we'll figure it, alright?"

Evan nodded and gave him a small uneasy grin, "Yeah. Thank you."

* * *

><p>Jonathan's head was in a fog and he was rubbing at the tiny thread bracelet around his wrist. He'd first noticed it when he got on the plane to leave Canada. He remembered the feeling it had given him just knowing that Evan put it on him while he was asleep that night. It was red and blue, worn, special. He hadn't taken it off the entire month he'd been away.<p>

He missed him terribly, so much that it hurt and he could feel Luke staring a hole into the side of his face. But, he really didn't feel like looking back at him or talking or thinking. All he wanted to do was forget everything. He wanted to forget those green eyes and how they had tore him apart with just one look. He wanted to forget all the pain, all the slices of that fine blade against his skin. He wanted to forget how good Evan was and how he felt. He didn't want to love him, he didn't want to love _anyone_ because if he didn't love anyone then he there was no way he could be disappointed or let down or left behind.

Sometimes it was better to run away.

* * *

><p>Evan was cracking his knuckles relentlessly, pacing while they waited in the crowded airport. There was a steady flow of people and Evan was thinking about how Jonathan would feel in a crowd like this. Probably like he was going to panic. <em>Evan<em> felt like he was going to panic.

"Hey." Brock squeezed his shoulder. "I see them."

Evan spun around and stood on the tips of his toes, craning his neck until he saw the spikey tips of Luke's hair and the glint of his sunglasses. And next to him, Evan saw those crystal blue eyes that sent the hair on the back of his neck on end and his heart into a violent race.

"Finally." He exhaled and took off into the crowd. The guys watched with smiles plastered on their faces. But they faded when they saw Jonathan take a detour and run to the restrooms.

Evan raised his hands in question when he reached Luke, "What the hell?"

"I don't know, Evan. Just give him some space." Luke shrugged in defeat. "He won't let me in, I don't know what's going through his head anymore."

Evan was getting angrier by the second. This was all because of Noah, the little fuck who had the nerve to come out of nowhere and screw everything up. Had the nerve to touch Jonathan, to kiss him. Evan ran his hands through his hair and pulled.

"Okay." He breathed, trying to calm down. "I'll go talk to him."

"Evan-"

But he was gone before Luke could stop him, running through the crowd, disappearing into the endless flow of people. His feet echoed as they hit the tiled floor of the restroom, it was empty except for one.

"Jonathan."

He looked up from where he was standing with his hands on either side of the sink. His face was drained of all color, he was thinner than usual, and his eyes were dark from a lack of sleep. Evan watched him look past him before he looked back down at the sink. Evan stepped closer and Jonathan held up a hand and took a breath before turning around into one of the open stalls and throwing up whatever was left in his empty stomach, which was hardly anything.

"Fuck, Jonathan." Evan stood outside the stall and was about to put a hand on him but he coughed and said, "Don't touch me."

Evan recoiled and tried not to let his feelings get hurt but those were Jonathan's first words to him since their last phone call two days ago and they cut deep. He watched him flush and rinse his face in the sink.

"Just tell me." He said quietly but his voice still echoed off the wall. Jonathan shrugged out of his jacket and stuffed it in his bag.

"Tell you what?" Jonathan said. His voice was exhausted and he sounded resigned, like he had given up, but Evan couldn't figure out what it was he had given up on. "You already know."

"I know. I just want to know that you're okay."

"I'm okay."

"No you're not."

"Evan, I just want to take my mind off of it." Jonathan rubbed his face, the color starting to show again. "And then I'll be okay."

"Alright." Evan nodded and walked over to him before pulling him into a soft hug. "It's just really good to see you."

"Yeah, you too."Jonathan held back the urge to bury his face in his neck and inhale the smell that always drove him mad, the smell of Evan that made him feel like he was home. Instead he hugged him back lightly, keeping his hands on his waist instead of wrapping them around him completely. He wanted to cry because he knew Evan could feel him holding back. But Evan didn't say anything, he let him go and tried to give him space as they walked out to meet the guys and Jonathan was grateful for that. It made it easier to stay away from him.

Luke gave Evan a nod as they joined the guys before piling into Lui and Craig's vehicles. It was a tight squeeze but it made it more interesting as they drove back down to the beach so Luke and Jonathan could unload their things. Evan showed him to the beach house and watched him silently unpack his things in the bedroom, the only bedroom in the cabin. He couldn't wait to be tangled in his long limbs with the smell of his hair filling his senses while his body heat seeped into his skin. He swallowed past the want that was pulling at his fingertips, the ones that felt the need to touch the lean muscle that was showing beneath his shirt.

"Are you hungry?" Evan asked and Jonathan shook his head avoiding his eyes.

"I can wait until dinner. It's no big deal."

But Evan knew he couldn't wait that long and he was right when Jonathan ducked into a small shop when they were walking the city. He came back out with a blueberry muffin the size of his hand and Evan laughed. "I knew you wouldn't last."

Jonathan just shrugged and it hurt. Evan didn't understand why he was closing up again. He jumped ahead of everyone and fell into step beside Luke. "Hey. I think he's trying to shut me out."

"I know, I've noticed. I don't why, though. I thought as soon as he saw you he'd be alright. But he's not." He said and looked over at Evan with a worried expression. "Be persistent but subtle with him, don't let him tune you out."

"Trust me, I won't. I just don't want him to be upset with me." Evan glanced back at Jonathan who had his eyes fixed to the ground as he was talking to Lui. He grinned at something he said and Evan felt the sting of jealousy because that grin wasn't directed at him. He shoved his hands in his pockets and Nogla nudged him in the back.

"You guys okay?"

Evan nodded, "Yeah, he's just still a little shaken up about the airport."

"That was crazy, man. At least he kicked the guy's ass." Mini said and Evan nodded, going quiet.

Now all he could think about was some other guy, a guy Jonathan loved at some point, kissing him. Pressing his lips against the ones he had dreams about. It fucking pissed him off. He fell behind until Jonathan was by his side again.

"How you feeling?" Evan asked him and let his arm brush against his.

"I'm alright." Jonathan nudged him back but didn't try to make anymore physical contact after that. "But, I don't want to talk about it."

"You don't have to talk about it. As long as you're alright." Evan said and it was silence from then on out as the warm breeze followed them down the sidewalk.

* * *

><p>They flagged down a few cabs and headed down to Belmont park where they spent the next three hours riding roller-coasters and taking embarrassing pictures of each other and uploading them to Twitter. Evan was feeling a little better considering that Jonathan had finally lightened up a bit, he was laughing again, smiling as they rode one ride in particular. No one else could handle the twists and turns that it took, but Jonathan could. Evan was grinning as he waited in the crowd with his arms crossed when Jonathan climbed off of the ride for the third time, his hair an absolute mess. And for the third time he watched his smile fade with the adrenaline and Evan's heart sank every time.<p>

Evan could feel the tension coming off of him and it was making his hands restless, desperately wanting to hold his fingers as they wandered through the evening crowd in search of funnel cakes.

"There!" Mini pointed and took off toward the vendor who was sporting the delicate powder-covered cakes. The boys took off behind him and Evan didn't realize he had slipped his hand into Jonathan's until he felt the warm fingers sliding away as he ran off after them. His feet were glued to the ground and he felt like he was losing something. His grip on reality maybe. Jonathan was pulling away, avoiding him, and he couldn't understand why.

What had he done?

Time felt slow and he watched Jonathan go, catching sight of the tiny red and blue bracelet he'd tied on his wrist almost a month ago. He blinked, letting his brain catch up. Jonathan was still wearing it. He could have taken it off at any time, he could have taken it off two minutes ago. But he didn't, he was still wearing it and that alone was enough to get Evan's legs working again.

Luke was taking pictures of Tyler cramming half of his cake into Mini's face while everyone clutched at their stomachs. Their laughter filled his ears and he took a piece of cake when Brian offered it to him.

"You alright?" He asked as they stood apart from everyone else, watching Lui climb up Jonathan's back so he could reach Daithi's face and slap him.

Evan swallowed down the sweetness and shrugged, "Yeah."

"You expect me to believe that shite?" Brian smirked. "Come on, man. Spill."

Evan opened his mouth to speak but he stopped when the wind blew, whipping his shirt around and he thought of Jonathan. Jonathan loved the wind and the storms that always blew up behind them, the ominous gloom and the promise of rain. Evan looked up at the blue eyes he couldn't seem to catch hold of no matter how hard he tried. But just as Jonathan stuck a finger in his mouth to lick away the sugary powder, his eyes caught his and Evan felt . . . . he felt like it should be impossible to be so in love with one human being, one person, one pair of eyes so blue they could drown him.

"I'm so fucking in love with him."

He continued to stare, wondering why Jonathan was looking at him like he was hurting. It only lasted a few second, but it felt like an eternity. Then it was gone and there was a hole in his heart. A hole only Jonathan could fill but he was drifting away. Evan couldn't stop the sinking feeling or the panic flooding his mind.

"Evan." Brian said and finally got his attention. "We know."

Evan looked at him in confusion, "What?"

"We know you're in love with him. You're pretty obvious."

He swallowed, "I didn't know I said that out loud."

Brian laughed and hit him lightly on the shoulder, "It's alright, man. We all think it's awesome."

"What do mean 'we all'?"

He laughed even harder, "Oh man, you have no idea. For months now we have been fangirling over you two. I won't go into detail, you'd probably blush. But yeah, we totally dig you guys. You need to get together. Like, right now."

Evan was surprised to say the least, but it didn't rival the heartbreak he felt. It didn't do anything to keep his eyes or mind off of Jonathan. It only made it worse.

The rest of the evening was spent eating cotton candy and mindlessly wandering around enjoying the scenery. Evan stayed close to Jonathan, but he didn't stay too close. He gave him the space that he obviously wanted because he walked ahead of him instead of beside him. Evan watched his back, the jut of his shoulder blades and his hair as the wind whipped it back and forth atop his head. The bracelet dangling delicately on his slim wrist. His fingers, long strong fingers that he could picture pulling at the button of his jeans, sliding up his stomach while pulling his shirt over his head.

Evan rubbed his eyes and shook his head trying to clear his thoughts. Jonathan's voice snapped him out of it.

"I am so sorry!" Jonathan said apologetically as he helped a girl to her feet. He wasn't paying attention and he had glanced back at Evan for a moment, long enough to steer him into another person who wasn't looking either. She laughed as he pulled her to her feet and helped dust the dirt from her shirt.

"It's okay!" She waved it off, "Not the first time I've fallen flat on my face in public."

Jonathan smiled, "Well, I hope this is the last time it happens to you, ever."

"Thank you! That's the nicest thing anyone's said to me all day." She laughed again but her smile faded when a guy she obviously knew walked up to Jonathan and shoved him hard in the chest.

"Hey, why don't you fuck off?!" The guy shoved him again and he heard the girl screaming at him to stop and that he was just being nice and oh my God, Adrian you're such a fucking asshole! All Jonathan could see was his father coming at him with fists, drunk and stumbling, slurring his words as he cursed him. _You faggot! _He shook his head and his vision cleared and then as the guy was coming at him again Evan stepped into view and grabbed the guy by the shirt and damn near lifted him off the ground before shoving him against the nearest wall which happened to be a vendor. The women inside yelped and clutched at their chests as they watched the two men struggle.

"How about _you_ fuck off?" Evan seethed and the guy was drunk, he could smell it on his breath. He could hear the guys behind him trying to calm everyone down. He couldn't see anything other than the guy in front of him.

"He was all over my girl, man!"

Evan slammed him against the wall again, "Actually, he was being a gentleman and helping her off the ground, you dick!"

"Alright, dude! Calm the fuck down! My fucking mistake." The guy stopped struggling and Evan finally released him looking him in the eye before he said, "Yeah. Your mistake. Don't fucking make it again."

He pushed through the guys and grabbed Jonathan by the hand and started walking away, glancing at the girl as they passed. "You should find yourself a new boyfriend, the one you have is a real piece of shit."

"I know!" She called after them and waved at Jonathan but he didn't have time to do anything because Evan was dragging him through the crowd and closer to the exit, closer to a cab. The boys were trying to keep up and followed them in their own cabs back to the beach houses.

"Dude! What just happened?" Lui asked as he turned around to look at Luke, Tyler, and Brock in the back seat.

"That's the first time I've ever seen Evan angry. Pretty fucking scary if you ask me." Luke remarked.

Brock shook his head, "Evan's been on edge about something all day."

"And Delirious has been quiet. Like, really fucking quiet." Tyler said and looked out window. "They didn't fight, because we've been playing games together all month. Nothing was wrong. And we all thought Jonathan would be fine when he landed today. But he wasn't, even after he saw Evan. So all I can come up with is that he's stuck over what happened with is ex. Am I right?"

Luke shook his head, "No, he's done with his ex. He made sure of that. But he's done this before a really long time ago, he was really depressed, didn't want to talk to anyone. I bet he's thinking that he's going to make a mistake with Evan and have it end up like how shit was with his ex. So, he's trying to push him away."

"That makes no sense." Lui rubbed his head. "They clearly have feelings for each other, how can Delirious not see that? How can he not see that Evan would never do to him what his ex did?"

"I don't know what the fuck he's thinking." Luke shrugged. "Maybe he's afraid of losing what they already have. Maybe he thinks Evan doesn't want anything more than that."

"They're both idiots if you ask me." Tyler said and they all started to snicker at how absurd this entire situation was.

* * *

><p>Evan was still fuming as they sat in the back seat of the cab together in silence. The sun was going down and Jonathan was getting really anxious. He just wanted to get out of here, away from Evan before he did something stupid like breaking down and falling into his arms. Something stupid like telling him the fucking truth. He was tapping his finger against his leg and Evan noticed it, that nervous tick he couldn't get rid of. Jonathan felt his attitude change and felt his eyes on him, but he looked away out of the window and pulled his fingers in a fist to keep them from moving.<p>

"What's wrong?" Evan asked and Jonathan really loved the fact that he knew when something was wrong just by the way he moved his fingers. How the fuck was he supposed to break away from a bond that deep? How could he live without it? He licked his dry lips.

"I've just never seen you that mad before." He said quietly, watching the cars go by and the sky turn pink.

"I'm sorry. That guy was a dick, though." Evan shook his head. "I just saw him touch you and I . . . I fucking snapped."

That alone had Jonathan wanting to crawl over into his lap and kiss him for everything he was worth. He had protected him, just like the day he came and took him away, he'd protected him from his father and Jonathan would never be able to thank him enough. He would never be good enough for Evan, he deserved someone who wasn't so dependent on him, someone that wasn't so fucked up.

They got out of the cab as it pulled up and Jonathan took his shoes off so his toes could sink into the sand as they walked around to the houses. Hey heard car doors slamming behind them and the rest of the gang came stumbling after them.

"You guys let's pile up and play some Cards Against Humanity. Load all your beverages up and head down to my cabin, I'll get the cards ready and pull out some chairs." Lui beamed and ran past them like an excited child.

Marcel shook his head and laughed as he pulled Simone along and went to help him. "Come on, Nogla. Let's go help the little guy find some chairs."

"Yeah, I'm right behind ya." The Irish trudged along in the sand and gave Evan and Jonathan a glance, then a grin, before he kept walking. Evan raised a brow at him but kept heading up the stairs behind Jonathan, grabbing their cases of drinks and heading down to Lui's. As soon as they sat down Jonathan was on his second drink before anyone else could open their first. Luke eyed him across the table, but didn't stop him. If he wanted to get plastered, if it made him feel better then so be it. As long as he wasn't cutting himself.

The game was great, putting everyone into fits of laughter, even Jonathan along with large amount of alcohol he was consuming. They played the most ridiculous cards and Tyler was wheezing for three straight hours until they decided to go jump in the ocean even though it was dark and fucking creepy.

"Come on! We've got another hour, until eleven o'clock. Then they'll start the music down the beach and we'll head that way." Lui called from his room while he put his swim trunks on.

Evan pulled Jonathan along while he giggled to himself, but then it was like he realized Evan was touching him and he got quiet and pulled away again. Evan just let him move away and he clenched his teeth, trying not to just come out and ask why. They changed and the wind was blowing against their skin as they walked down the short distance to the shore. The water wasn't warm but their bodies got used to it as they waded in.

"Oh! Let's play chicken!" Brian yelled and Mini threw his hand in the air, "I call dibs on Tyler!"

"That's cheating! He's fucking ten feet tall!" Marcel laughed.

"Well, someone can get on my shoulders too, ya know." Nogla said and Lui swam over to him.

"Yeah! Me and Nogla versus Mini and Tyler. Come on, get down." Lui laughed as Nogla dropped down into the water and let Lui climb onto his shoulders. Tyler was having a harder time getting Craig on top of him. He kept falling and then laughing and that got Tyler laughing. It was a mess but it was worth it to watch them battle it out while sitting atop two giants.

Evan was shoulder deep in the water, tipsy and his mind drifted to the last time he was drunk in the water with Jonathan. The dream he had that night that he never could forget. He couldn't forget the way his skin felt beneath his fingers, his breath ghosting across his face as he ran his teeth along his jaw, or the long expanse of pale neck that he wanted to kiss and taste and bite. He inhaled the salty air and drifted over to Jonathan until his fingers touched his favorite spot, the base of his spine, the hollow of his back. He saw the goose bumps form on his skin and grinned.

Lights started to flash just down the beach, pinks and purples and blue as the music started to boom. Evan got closer and the tip of his nose brushed Jonathan's shoulder and he was about to press his lips against his smooth skin but Jonathan moved. Evan let out a breath of frustration as he watched him head to the shore and walk away up to the cabin. He glanced at Luke who gestured for him to follow him.

* * *

><p>[Playlist for the show down the beach if you'd like to listen to what I imagine would be playing. Also, music that I personally listen to:<p>

ODEZA-Bloom, ODESZA-It's Only(ft. Zyra), ODESZA-Say My Name(ft. Zyra), Tove Lo-Talking Body, Aluna George-You Know You Like It(DJ Snake Remix)]

* * *

><p>"Something's about to go down." Luke said and it got the group's attention. They watched Evan follow after Jonathan, the tension was clear in the way he walked and he took the steps one at a time trying to think of what to say once he went inside. Jonathan was standing with his back against the wall that separated the living room from the kitchen, he didn't look up when Evan walked in and shut the door with a quiet click.<p>

He grabbed the towel from the table by the door and wiped the water dripping down his stomach, "What are you not telling me?" He walked over to him and reached a hand out to touch his face, to reassure him that whatever it was, it was okay.

Jonathan turned away from his hand and Evan felt the frustration crawling up his spine, he clenched his fists and he couldn't stop it this time.

"Damn it, Jonathan. Stop fucking avoiding me."

"I'm not avoiding you."

"Like hell you're not! You haven't looked me in the eye all day." Evan tried to control his tone but it had been eating at him.

He felt his heart hammer when Jonathan finally looked up at him and met his eyes. He had craved that look for hours, but here it was and he was more scared than satisfied.

"I'm sorry." Evan let out a heavy breath and looked down at his feet. "I've just been freaking out a little."

Evan pulled at his fingers nervously, "Okay, no. I've been freaking out _a lot_. All fucking day. You haven't looked at me, you've hardly said a word. You won't even hold my hand."

Jonathan was silent as he let himself lean against the wall, he crossed his arms and was back to looking at everything but Evan.

"Jonathan, talk to me. You know I'll listen and I don't understand why you keep holding things in. I don't want you to because I know you." He gave a frustrated sigh and ran his hands through his hair as he paced back and forth. "I know you and I know how you get when you keep things locked up tight in that head of yours. You start thinking, then you get really quiet, you push me away and I have to fucking coax you out again. I can't fucking stand it when you shut me out, okay? It hurts. I want you to _want_ to talk to me, I want you to tell me what's on your mind because I care and it makes me sick when I don't know what's wrong with you."

Jonathan caught his eye again and sighed through his nose, his jaw was clamped tight. Evan couldn't tell if he was mad or just upset. He couldn't tell anything and it was such a weird feeling.

"I told you I couldn't tell you everything, Evan." He said quietly and Evan's chest was about to cave in.

"Why not?!"

"_Why not?_" Jonathan pushed himself from the wall and stepped closer. "Because I'm a grown man who can make his own fucking decisions. If I don't want to tell you something, I won't fucking tell you. If I want to fucking sit by myself all day and drown in my thoughts then I will."

Evan tried not to pull his hair out, "Why?! Why the fuck would you do any of that? Why can't you just tell me?!"

Jonathan nearly snapped and Evan bit his tongue when he jumped. He'd never seen him like this.

"Because, Evan! I just can't! I can't do any of this anymore!" He gestured around and then at the two of them standing there. He took a deep breath and could feel himself start to shake as his heart jumped to his throat. "I can't keep doing this! I can't keep holding your hand, can't keep fucking sleeping with you, and I can't keep telling myself that it's okay!"

Evan was quiet but Jonathan could see his pulse in his neck, beating just as hard as his. Evan was scared and so was he, but he had reached his breaking point and he just couldn't . . .

"Why?" Evan said and Jonathan knew the dam was about break, he could feel the tears pooling in his eyes.

"Because." He managed to get out before he blinked and let the tears go. Evan was breathing hard and he wanted nothing more than to just let himself be wrapped up in his arms, because that's what Evan always did. God.

He looked back up at him and shook his head, "Because I am so fucking in love with you . . . that it hurts. And I can't do this anymore. I shouldn't have went with you that day, because I knew that I was going to like you more than I needed to, but you were so good to me. You're still good to me, you're fucking perfect Evan and I want it. I want all of you and I can't have it, because we're _just_ best friends. Friends that hold hands and sleep in the same bed. I can't do it anymore."

Jonathan wiped at his face and Evan looked like he was searching for air, "Evan, I couldn't tell you because I've been fucking terrified that it would change what we already had. I love the way we are. It already takes everything for me not to wake up and kiss you every morning, or touch you every second of the day. Takes every ounce of energy to keep my fucking eyes off of you half the time. I have never wanted anything so bad in my life and I'm sorry that I just ruined everything. But, I'm not sorry that I love you because you fucking saved me."

Jonathan turned for the door and left, he couldn't look back and see Evan's face. Didn't want to look at him just standing there, blank. He didn't know what that meant and he was scared to know what was going through Evan's mind. It was something else he just wasn't willing to cope with. He wiped at his face but it didn't stop the steady stream of tears that continued to pour. He took the stairs and his heart started to slow when his toes sank into the sand. He barely heard someone calling his name as he kept walking.

"Jonathan, where are you going?! What just happened?" Brock yelled but Jonathan didn't even acknowledge him. He'd heard them yelling. Tyler shrugged at him as they stepped up to the door and knocked.

"Evan?" Tyler called and knocked again. "Evan, come on man. Open up."

"It's unlocked, Tyler. Just go in." Brock said and followed him into the beach house. Evan was standing stock still in the archway staring at an empty spot on the wall.

"Hey, man, what the hell just happened?" Tyler snapped his fingers in front of Evan's face and he jerked his head toward him. "What?"

Tyler opened his mouth but the door slamming open cut him short. A furious Luke came storming in with the guys behind him trying to calm him down.

"What did you do, Evan?" He asked but Evan couldn't even open his mouth before Luke started again. "What did you do? He looked fucking destroyed coming out of here! Do you have any idea how much that man loves you? Do you have any idea?!"

"Luke! Calm down, we don't even know what happened!" Brock yelled at him.

Evan just flinched the more they yelled at each other and he couldn't comprehend any of it, all he could hear in his head was _I am so fucking in love with you. _Their voices were blending together and he was trying, he really was, to hear what they were saying to him. One question stood out.

"You love him don't you?" Brian's calm Irish tone resonated throughout the room and every one went quiet.

Evan blinked at him, "Yeah. I do."

Brock sighed dramatically and said, "Finally!"

Lui giggled, "Well, that only took you twelve months to realize."

Luke's anger faded, "Then why the hell did he storm off like that?"

"Because he didn't give me time to tell him. He just threw his cards out on the table and left." Evan said and shook his head. A smile spread across his face and he laughed, "I am such a fucking idiot."

"Trust me, we know." Mini said and opened the front door. "Now get your ass out there and find him."

They all rushed out onto the sand behind Evan and stopped when he said, "Shit. How the hell am I supposed to find him in a crowd that big?"

Luke ran off to the house he was staying in and came back with his Phantom in hand. He smiled. "I have an idea."

Lui ran up behind them, "Here take this walkie, Evan. I'll stay with Luke and we'll guide you through the crowd once we get this thing up in the air. Everybody else spread out and head in, see if we can't spot him before midnight."

"Alright, squad. Move out!" Brian shouted and they took off running toward the music and the people moving in time with it in the distance. Ten minutes was all they had until midnight and Evan's lungs were burning as he ran down the shore line toward the unknown. He didn't know what would happen if he and Jonathan moved forward but he sure as hell was going to find out. The love he had for him fueled his day, fueled his heart and he'd spend the rest of forever with him if meant that Jonathan felt it too.

"Alright, Evan. We have eyes in the sky and we see you nice and clear." Lui said over the walkie and Evan looked up, seeing the white drone-like camera high above him in the sky. He waved and Luke made the thing move back and forth. He smiled and said, "Lead the way."

Lui was texting back and forth with the guys as they found vantage points and scoured the crowd for anything or anyone that looked like Delirious. Five minutes passed and nothing was happening. Evan was getting anxious as he stood outside of the crowd waiting for the okay. Three minutes left and the music was thrumming in his ears, the bass humming in his chest.

"Evan! Go in! We spotted him!" Lui shouted over the walkie and he held it close to his ear as he pushed into the crowd. "Go straight!"

He squeezed around the sweaty bodies that were giving themselves to the music and complete strangers, letting go. He felt hands brushing against him as he dodged left and right to avoid elbows and stray limbs. "Go right!" He veered to the right and the fucking crowd parted just enough for him to see the body he knew so well moving with the tranquil beat, his tattoos glinting with salty sweat as he rocked his hips and Evan saw him in slow motion. It felt like the past year had been nothing but a build up, leading to right here, this moment as he let the walkie fall to the sand. Jonathan was so fucking beautiful. His lips red from wetting them and his skin flushed with alcohol, his hair a light brown mess on his head and Evan could practically smell him. Just the though of his scent was intoxicating. Just the thought of his touch, those fingers splayed out across his chest and his lips. Yes, those lips that he wanted to himself for as long as he could keep them. And fuck, he would keep them.

_"Ten! Nine! Eight! Seven!"_

He saw blue and he was close enough the reach his fingers out and touch Jonathan's skin. He felt like fire and his eyes were locked with his. Why didn't they see this before? Why did it take so long to realize that this was where they were headed all along? Evan ran his hand up his chest, along his neck and l pulled him closer until he could let his lips trace his jaw line, until he could taste the salt on his skin. Jonathan was shaking and Evan let his thumb touch his lips before he threaded his fingers in his hair and pulled. Jonathan's lips parted as his head tilted back with Evan's grip and he let out a sweet breath that smelled like strawberries and Evan caught his eye one last time before he delved and chased the scent to it's source.

_"Three! Two! One! Happy New Year!"_

His lips were . . . everything. All mixed into one. They were soft and wet as they pressed against his and he let out a breath that he felt like he'd been holding for months. Jonathan grabbed his waist and pulled until there wasn't space for air between them. He tilted his head and Jonathan felt the flick of a warm tongue and he met it halfway with his own. Evan tasted like mango and whatever else he'd gulped down earlier. It tasted like fucking sin. Jonathan felt a noise crawl up his throat when Evan pulled back and yanked at his hair, pulling his head back further until he was biting at he skin of his throat, sucking at the salt and leaving marks upon his flesh; claiming what was his, what would _always_ be his.

Evan made his way up to his ear and felt fingers digging into his skin when he said, "Jonathan. I love you and don't ever think otherwise."

* * *

><p>Heyyyyy, guys. BE FULLY PREPARED FOR SMUT. That is all. -w.a.l.k<p> 


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